Making your ex miss you is an important part of trying to win them back (assuming that is what you are going for.) A few weeks ago a coaching client of mine asked a really interesting question,
Chris, I realize that the no contact rule is designed to help make your ex miss you but is there anything else I can do to raise the chances of this happening?
That’s a great question!
In fact, it was so good that I decided to craft a whole post about it.
So, that’s what this article is. I’m going to teach you three things that you can do, on top of the no contact rule, so that you can ensure that you are doing everything you can to make your ex miss you.
The Three Most Effective Ways To Make Your Ex Miss You During No Contact
Before I begin writing every article on this website it undergoes a pretty intense research process.
Usually I come up with a few hypotheses and either try to prove them or disprove them. I’m a big believer in using research so that over time we can guarantee that we are getting to the bottom of the best way to get an ex back.
Anyways, when it came time to look for the most effective ways to make an ex miss you during a no contact rule only three strategies made the cut.
- Stay disciplined and actually finishing the no contact rule
- Make your ex believe they’ve lost you forever
- Utilize subliminal messaging
What I’d like to do now is take an in-depth look at how you need to employ these three strategies.
1. Staying Disciplined And Actually Finishing The No Contact Rule
I was planning on making a big speech about this because this is something that I drill over and over again in my book but I figured before I start doing that you probably need a quick primer on what the no contact rule actually is.
In short, the no contact rule is a specific strategy that you employ when you are trying to get your ex back. You basically ignore your ex for a period of time on purpose with the intent of making them miss you.
I’ve written about it a lot and have even written an entire book about it.
Oh, I’ve even filmed a lot of videos about it too,
(If those things won’t teach you about the no contact rule I don’t know what will.)
Of course, explaining the no contact rule isn’t why I’m writing this section. Instead, I’d like to talk to you about the people who fail the no contact rule.
In my experience around 80% of the clients that I work with end up failing the no contact rule.
Now, just so we are speaking the same language when I talk about “failing the no contact rule” I’m talking about people not completing it.
The Problem With Not Completing The No Contact Rule And How It Makes Your Ex Miss You
The no contact rule utilizes two important psychological principles that really make it effective.
- The scarcity principle
- Reactance
Here’s a quick crash course on those principles for those of you who want me to get to the point.
The Scarcity Principle: We are drawn to things that are scarce. The perceived attractiveness of those things are raised when we learn there aren’t many left.
Reactance: When freedoms are taken from us human beings will do everything in their power to get that freedom back. So, with no contact you are depriving your ex of their freedom to talk to you and they will likely react in was to get that freedom back
Together these two concepts do much of the work to make the no contact rule so effective.
There’s just one problem.
As stated above, 80% of the clients I work with fail the no contact rule.
Now, what does that mean?
Well, it means that when they set a goal to ignore their ex for 30 days straight they end up contacting them or responding to them on day 10 and then day 15 and then day 25 until they finally get to day 30 and they proclaim to the world,
“I finished no contact”
No….
You actually failed no contact.
Sleeping Example
Consider for a moment this scenario.
Let’s say you have two people,
Person A and Person B.
Now, these two people are identical in every way except one.
Person A gets 8 hours of sleep at night that is uninterrupted while Person B still gets 8 hours of sleep but is interrupted 6 times and wakes up each of those times.
Who do you think will be more productive the next day from an energy perspective?
Person A, right?
Well, breaking the no contact rule early is a lot like becoming Person B. You are interrupting the natural process that the no contact rule is supposed to enact.
And to further reiterate that point I’d like to move on to my second point.
2. Making Your Ex Believe They’ve Lost You Forever
Last night, while I was doing the dishes my wife walked up to me and began venting about someone in our private facebook group who wasn’t exactly taking her advice. Now, the thing you have to know about my wife is that she probably spends more time talking one on one with people than I do (crazy, right?)
While I was commiserating with her on the fact that this particular person wasn’t taking her advice she said something very insightful.
I was trying to explain to this person that our entire process emulates moving on.
Now, you may read that statement and literally pull one of these,
But I promise you that her observation is 100% spot on. Look, I’ve been doing this for most of the decade and I’ve learned a lot in that time.
What never ceases to amaze me is the fact that often when women try to hard to get their exes back they fail. However, it’s when they get pushed to a point where they are going to give up that they start to get results.
When I brought this up to my wife last night she nodded her head in agreement and added on that you can’t fake “moving on” and sometimes that is the very thing you need to convince an ex of in order for them to take you seriously.
I know it sounds so counter-intuitive.
You came here wanting advice on how to get your ex back and we simply say “move on.”
I try to teach people to look at it differently.
Instead of viewing it as moving on from your ex I say to view it as “moving on without moving on” because make no mistake about it while we have found a thread of success in “moving on” everything we advise people to do is done with the intent of winning that person back.
The Problem With “Moving On Without Moving On”
Like I said above, I’ve been doing this for a very long time which means I’ve seen how people interact with our content.
I see the things they like to read about…
And the things they don’t…
I also see what strategies people put into practice.
The big problem I see with “moving on without moving on” is the fact that no one does it. We are slaves to our own desires and we desire our exes. Moving on requires you to work on not desiring your ex and that is really hard for people to do.
In fact, it’s when men and women lose all hope that they start to see results because that’s when they essentially give up.
So, here is my challenge to you.
During your no contact period rather than obsessing about your ex do everything you can to pretend to be moving on. Make it look at authentic as possible. I would get into details but honestly I cover this in-depth in my articles on social media.
3. Utilize Subliminal Messaging
Do you like ninjas?
I do…
I have no idea why I am talking about that other than the fact that I believe that what I am about to teach you comes as close to a “ninja technique” as I have ever seen.
Subliminal messages are stimuli that lie below our threshold of conscious awareness
The idea is that if you can interest the stimuli in your ex related to you, you can hijack his thoughts without ever having a direct conversation with him.
I’ll give you an example.
In 1999 a test was performed to further understand subliminal messaging.
The participants were present at a liquor store and researchers found that when German music was played German wine sales increased and when French music was played French wine sales increased.
So, what happened here?
Well, the music served as a sort of catalyst that caused the wine most closely related to the type of music to be more attractive to people.
How does this relate to the no contact rule?
One of the biggest fears that people have when they begin a period of no contact is that they think their ex is going to forget them (I’ve never seen it happen.) However, if you are terrified of this then subliminal messaging is your best friend.
Finding Your Catalyst
In the example above I talked about how music raised wine sales. In that example “music” was a catalyst meant to interest the stimuli beneath our consciousness which in turn makes particular types of wines more attractive.
What we need to do for you now is find a catalyst for you to use during the no contact rule so that you will appear a more attractive option for your ex when your period of no contact ends. Oh, and it’ll have that added benefit of making your ex miss you more.
Here’s the tricky part, your catalyst can’t be a result of a conversation you have with your ex.
It has to be something a bit removed from you and sometimes even out of your control.
Any ideas?
The best one I’ve been able to find has been the use of social media.
It’s been well documented on this website that after a breakup close to 90% of exes will “stalk” their exes on social media (Facebook being the most popular social media site for this.)
A few years ago someone in our Private Facebook Group had the brilliant idea to use Facebook in tandem with some subliminal messaging.
Her theory was simple,
If I’m at the top of my exes Facebook news feed every time he logs on it’s going to force him to think about me constantly during the no contact rule and eventually he will miss me so much he is going to want to see me.
Her theory proved to be correct and she did eventually get him back.
However, she had to do a few things first. In order to guarantee that she would be at the top of the Facebook news feed she ended up hiring a social media company to help improve the social signals to her posts so that it’s always at the top for him.
It was a brilliant catalyst.
You just need to find yours!
Sources And Citations