Most of the clients I work with want one thing above all,
They want to find a way to get their exes back.
So they try their hearts out.
But trying isn’t always enough. In fact, some of my clients will try so hard that they overstay their welcome and end up pushing their ex further away.
Today we are going to be looking at the scenarios for when it is too late to get back with your ex.
What do they look like?
How do you identify them?
What do you do if you do identify them?
Let’s begin!
What Has To Happen For An Ex To Give Up On You?
There are really four concepts I want to talk to you about today,
- The Triangle Theory
- You’ve Failed No Contact Too Many Times
- You’re Emotionally Unstable
- You’ve Trampled On One Of Your Exes Core Values
In my opinion, these are the scenarios where you are probably going to fail to get back with an ex. Now, some of you may be looking at this list and freaking out thinking that you are on it.
After all, what person is emotionally stable after a breakup?
Here’s what I have to say to that.
I’m talking about extremes here.
And while rules are always important to establish there are always exceptions to them.
So, technically speaking we can’t rule people who are in these scenarios out completely.
Just make sure you read each of these concepts in-depth before you go out and make assumptions about them.
Let’s dive in.
Concept #1: The Triangle Theory
I’m always looking for new topics to do YouTube videos on.
You see, the trick is to not get too specific. You attract more views if you do videos about broader subjects. One thing I always see when hunting for good topics are videos on,
How to get an ex back if you are months apart.
How to get an ex back if you are years apart.
You get the idea.
Of course, I’ve compiled my own thoughts in my book about this topic but I always get curious to see what other people say and I never hear people talking about the triangle theory.
I don’t know if they are just too lazy to actually do the research or if they simply just want to disregard it’s existence but make no mistake it exists.
What Is The Triangle Theory
In short, the triangle theory refers to what your overall chances will look like with your ex after a breakup over time. It actually forms an interesting triangle if you chart it out,
Initially you’ll notice that your chances are pretty low but as time goes on and as you start doing the right things which is often overlooked you’ll notice that your chances inevitably will plateau.
In other words, if you are going to attempt to get your ex back ideally it’d be at this point,
But what happens if you don’t get your ex back at this point.
What happens if too much time goes by?
Well, inevitably your chances will become less and less.
There’s a reason why one of the most difficult situations you can find yourself in is one where you are trying to get your ex back after years apart.
Concept #2: You’ve Failed No Contact Too Many Times
I grouped concept one and two together because in my opinion they are very similar.
Where concept one is all about taking too much time to get your ex back. Concept two is about failing a strategy too many times.
A lot of people overlook small things like this.
Society has them conditioned to believe that it is ok to fail time and time again.
Lets take a strategy like the no contact rule.
One I have written about extensively.
Anyone who will have you believe that it’s ok to fail the no contact rule time and time again is dead wrong.
Here’s my reasoning,
Think of it like this.
Each time you attempt a strategy like the no contact rule and you break it, it’s probably going to lose a little bit of it’s power,
That visualization not working for you?
Ok, let’s pretend that you are playing someone in chess.
You use the same strategy every single time to beat them.
The first time you play you do end up beating them.
Heck, I’ll even give you the second game.
But once a pattern is established your opponent will wise up and start adapting.
Why would you think attempting and failing the no contact rule over and over again would be any different than this?
Concept #3: You Are Emotionally Unstable
Quick question, what happens when you do everything right to get your ex back but they can sense that you are emotionally unstable?
The Answer: They want nothing to do with you
When I was in college I met a girl.
I know that sounds like the vaguest opening so let’s try this on for size.
At that point it was probably the prettiest girl I had ever had the honor of taking on a date.
I don’t know if I had been lucky up until that point but any time I took a pretty girl on a date I always found that their internal personality matched their external looks,
This one was different though.
As I got to know her throughout the date she dropped a couple of bombshells.
- Her parents had died a few years ago unexpectedly and she was heartbroken
- Her sister was bisexual and was married to a man
- She was smoked pot every day (which is a big turn off to me)
The date got even weirder as she started acting very strange.
In the end, I came to realize that she wasn’t emotionally stable and while she was very pretty it didn’t overcome how much of a turn off her behavior was to me.
Now, does that make me insensitive?
Totally and I’m not ashamed to admit it.
It’s easy to see what happened here.
Her parents unexpectedly being killed crushed her and a lot of the “unstableness” I was sensed was from that.
But I’m selfish when it comes to my dating choices.
So, I didn’t take her on any more dates.
Here’s my point.
The more unstable you appear to your ex the more likely they are to high tail it out of there.
Concept #4: You’ve Trampled On One Of Your Exes Core Values
Everyone has their proverbial line in the sand.
The point of no return.
Everyone has that one core value that they won’t substitute for anything.
For me, it’s cheating.
Essentially if someone cheats on me I have enough self awareness to understand I can’t forgive that.
Some people can.
Some people can’t.
It’s truly a personal preference.
What are your exes core values?
Can they not get over the fact that you flirted with those three girls over there?
What about the fact that you can’t stop lying to them?
Can they forgive those things?
Here is the dirty little secret my peers don’t want to let you in on. As sad as it is, there are some situations where there can be no success. There are some things that you can do to your ex that will ruin any chance you have of getting them back.
And it all has to do with that line.
What’s the one thing that can be done to them that will make them say enough is enough.
Like I said, for me it’s cheating.
If someone cheats on me that’d be it.
Where is your exes line?
And did you cross it?
Conclusion
I’ll admit that I was a bit vague on the last concept because there is so much personalization there so I wouldn’t be shocked if you had questions on it. If you do make sure you ask them in the comments below.
I WILL ANSWER YOU!
I promise.
Let’s do a quick recap of everything we learned today.
- There are typically four concepts I want you to keep an eye out for on if it’s too late to get your ex back
- The Triangle Theory
- You’ve Failed No Contact Too Many Times
- You’re Emotionally Unstable
- You’ve Trampled On One Of Your Exes Core Values
Again, I will be answering your comments so don’t be shy to ask whatever questions you have about the article.