How Does Long Distance Impact The No Contact Rule

Today we’re going to be talking about how long distance breakups can impact the no contact rule. Specifically we’re going to be looking at answering the following questions,

1. Will the no contact rule be effective during a long distance breakup?
2. What changes are there going to be to the no contact rule during long distance situations?
3. What things need to happen so that you can overcome the LDR triad?

So, if you’re ready to go all in on figuring out how to navigate the no contact rule during a long distance breakup then this guide is for you.

Let’s begin!

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Will The No Contact Work In Long Distance Relationship Breakups?

The answer to this is very simple.

Yes, the no contact rule can work even if you’re going through a long distance relationship breakup.

Here’s the tricky part though. Most of the clients we get that are coming through our program have a basic misunderstanding of what the no contact rule is (even though I’ve literally written hundreds of posts about it and 20,000 word guides.)

It’s partially my fault since I’ve updated the official definition of the no contact rule three times over the past tend years.

1. You see, originally the no contact rule was pitched as this idea that can “make your ex miss you” but the flaw with that is that essentially most people looked at the no contact rule as a gimmick to manipulate their exes into wanting them.
2. Our second iteration of no contact focused a little bit more on personal growth. We started talking about concepts like “the holy trinity” and “social media game.” Yet the flaw still remained that most people only thought of no contact as this way of tricking your ex into coming back to you.
3. Our third and final iteration of no contact was really where we started to see results. The key to making no contact work is to literally use it to move past your ex. If you can do that everything else can fall into place brilliantly.

Technically if you want our official version of no contact it’s this,

The no contact rule refers to a period of time where you cut off all conceivable communication with an ex after a breakup. The intent of this tactic should NOT be used to make your ex miss you but instead should be used to rebuild your own life so that you outgrow your ex. By doing this, the no contact rule can have the added benefit of making an ex miss you

Yet people tend to get all wonky when encountering long distance relationship situations as if this will change its effectiveness. Overall we really see no difference in the “success” of no contact in long distance situations because the entire point of no contact is to begin to value yourself again.

With that being said let’s take a look at what kind of changes a long distance relationship might have on the actual implementation of the no contact rule.

What Changes Are There To The No Contact Rule During Long Distance Situations?

We generally advise three specific time frames to the no contact rule depending on your specific type of situation.

1. The 21 day rule
2. The 30 day rule
3. The 45 day rule

The worry that a lot of our clients have when they enact a no contact rule in a long distance relationship is that there’s no immediate way for them to see their exes. At best they’re looking at a longer success timeline than our average client and this one piece of information freaks them out so they won’t even consider the longer periods of no contact.

Again, they have a fundamental misunderstanding of the point to no contact.

We’re actually finding people with longer periods of no contact are having better success rates.

Take this client as an example,

You’ll find that she did a longer period of no contact but it really wasn’t until she got to this place emotionally where she wasn’t sure she wanted her ex back that she got results. We’ve found this mentality to be the key to any successful “breakup campaign.”

Though sometimes the period of no contact is “longer” because it takes people a while to get to that place emotionally.

So, theoretically nothing really needs to change about the timeframe of no contact during a long distance relationship.

Our program actually has this cool assessment that you can take to help you determine which time frame is ideal for you,

Long distance won’t really change your time frame all that much. However, one area it really will impact is your social media game. Now, social media during no contact is something I’ve talked a lot about in the past before.

Social media becomes especially important during long distance relationships because there’s an even greater likelihood of your ex checking up on you in a LDR situation via social media than any other type of situation.

So, in an odd way social media during no contact is your way of communicating with your ex.

The question is, what are you supposed to post?

I’ve talked in the past about my “five category” method and that can certainly make a huge impact in your social media game but everything always boils down to one simple concept.

Whatever you post needs to be an authentic extension to you moving on from your ex in a secure way.

This is where understanding attachment theory, specifically “secure attachments” comes in handy.

If you aren’t familiar someone with a secure attachment style won’t exhibit any type of insecure behaviors in a breakup. Like begging for an ex back or becoming overly possessive. Someone who is secure with themselves isn’t afraid of being themselves.

I can’t tell you how often I’ll sit down with a client and explain this secure aspect to them when it comes to social media only to have them post a sad love song on their profile or make some broad statement about betrayal and love.

They think it’s a way of showing them moving on but it’s really not. It’s an extension of their insecure behavior.

So, what do secure social media posts look like?

• A secure person doesn’t feel the need to talk about a breakup
• A secure person lives in the moment and enjoys it
• A secure person posts pictures of them going out and having fun with new people
• A secure person looks like they’re moving on

The obvious concern most of my clients have at this point is,

“Well, what if they think I’m really moving on from them?”

That’s the point. You want them to think that. This is what gives you more leverage for when you do begin to get back in touch with them and if all you have to do is post a few pictures to achieve it I don’t know what’s stopping you.

Grasping The Long Distance Relationship Triad

So, are you ready for the come to jesus talk?

All long distance relationships will fail unless they have three elements present.

1. Time to spend together
2. Money to find a way together
3. A plan to be together

I think we have a tendency to get caught up in this romantic notion that true love is meant to be but my experience is that long distance relationships will always fail unless these three things are present.

I bring this up specifically because during your no contact rule you need to take stock of if your relationship is set up for another failure (assuming you get your ex back) or you can transcend the statistics.

I feel like a bit of an expert on the subject because I’m married to the woman that I was in a long distance relationship for close to six months. I can confidently say that I don’t think we would have ended up together if we weren’t both on the same page with the triad.

I lived in Houston and she lived in Philadelphia.

That’s roughly 1,546 miles apart. This meant that the only way that we could realistically see each other is if we could traverse to one another through planes. Right now the average plane ticket from Houston to Philadelphia is going to cost anywhere between $97 to $130.

That’s not including romantic excursions, lodging, rental cars, etc.

So, yes it’s going to cost money to be able to see each other. I had some money saved at the time so this was an easy one for me to check off. If was up to me I would have visited her every single weekend but there was an element that prevented me from doing so, her job.

She was only able to take off from her work roughly once a month so at best we only had a weekend together once a month. This is of course the time element coming into play.

The nature of relationships is that you’re not supposed to see each other that small amount of time. While it can be exciting in that time you do have together you’re always yearning for more.

Eventually you start to concoct schemes on how you’re going to close the distance. Either one or both parties is going to have to sacrifice and that’s where the rubber meets the road in most circumstances.

Usually neither party wants to sacrifice.

In my case I was the one who was willing to do that. I moved away from my family and friends to explore this relationship so that it could survive. I was lucky that I had a supportive family to let me do that.

I’ll never forget my dad actually drove me up from Texas to Pennsylvania and there was a bittersweet aspect to the drive. It really felt like the last time we’d have together. Emotionally it was difficult for me.

Now, I’m telling you this not to scare you but to show you the reality of the situation.

During your no contact period I want you to consider your relationship with your ex. I want you to be brutally honest with yourself and answer if you can actually fulfill the triad. Most people have two of the three aspects sorted but it’s the sacrifice involved with coming up with a plan that they can never work out.

If you can’t find a way to fulfill all three of the triad then getting your long distance ex back isn’t worth pursuing in my opinion. You should be using the no contact rule to get over your ex instead of trying to get them back.