I have spent the last few days re-reading my page on getting an ex boyfriend back if you cheated on him and I have a bit of a confession…

I don’t think I did a very good job on it.

While there is some insight on women cheating on that particular page the truth is that it isn’t going to help too many women out in the long run if they want their boyfriends back. You see, I am used to giving away a lot of helpful information and I feel I dropped the ball on that page.

Well, that is a mistake that I am willing to correct here.

If you cheated on your boyfriend and you want him back then I am here to tell you that you came to the right place.

Of course, I do want to warn you that I am not going to pull any punches which probably means that I may offend some of you but that’s ok. In my opinion, some of you need to be offended before you can take the necessary steps to improving your life.

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

Lets not beat around the bush here. The main goal of this page is to ultimately teach you how you can get your ex boyfriend back. Yes, you cheated on him (and we will be talking about that a lot, don’t worry) but ultimately the purpose of this guide is to put you in a position where you can get him back.

Unfortunately, convincing another human being that you are the one for them (especially after you had a relationship with them) can be a little… challenging. In other words, it is a complicated process that needs to be broken down very carefully in front of you to be successful.

While this page is going to do a little of that for you it would be impossible for me to cover absolutely everything that needs to be covered because the process itself is so complicated.

So, rather than relying on the information on this page I urge you to check out my book covering the entire “get your ex back process,”

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

Through that book you will learn pretty much everything you could ever want to know about getting an ex boyfriend back.

Now that we have that out of the way lets focus on cheating…

What I (A Man) Considers To Be “Cheating”

I don’t think its a stretch to say that if you asked everyone what they considered to be one of the greatest fears in relationships, being cheated on would be on that list. However, as I have interacted with more and more women through Ex Boyfriend Recovery I have began to notice an alarming trend.

Not everyone defines “cheating” the same way. In other words, what some women think of as cheating other women do not.

Well, how about I add an interesting wrinkle into the fray here?

I am going to tell you what I consider to be cheating because I feel pretty much every normal male on this planet is going to agree with me when it comes to this.

My Opinion On “Not All Affairs Are Created Equally.”

A few months ago I was reading an article by a woman who was trying to make a case that not all forms of cheating are equal.

Now, the article itself was very well written and made a lot of good points that I agreed with. However, I did happen to find a flaw in this woman’s logic. One of the coolest or cruelest (depending on how you look at it) things about the internet is that it gives individuals the ability to express their personal views.

Well, my personal view on cheating is that no matter how small the cheating is it is still going to hurt you on a deep level.

The woman argued that if you were to cheat by french kissing someone else it wouldn’t be anywhere near as bad as actually cheating by sleeping with someone.

From a logical point of view I would have to agree with her.

Cheating with sex is way worse than cheating by french kissing someone.

However, (and this is some incredible insight into men I am about to give you here) when I put myself in the position of a man who has been cheated on by french kissing and by sex I have pretty much the same feeling about it. In other words, in my mind the two are equal.

Logically I know that one is way worse than the other one. Nevertheless, when I put myself in the actual situation I have a much different view. You see, in my mind they are equal and I wouldn’t stand for either of them (but more on that later.)

For now I would like to tackle the next big debate when it comes to cheating, emotional cheating.

My Opinion On Emotional Cheating

I am going to do something that is really rare for me.

I’m going to let you into my personal life for a split second by showing you one of my greatest fears when it comes to relationships.

You see, everyone looks at me like I am supposed to have all the answers and a lot of the times I do. My status here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery has elevated me to a level where I am considered an “expert” at relationships and I am not going to lie, its hard not to let it get to your head sometimes.

(Hey, no one is perfect.)

Nevertheless, ever since I have achieved this status I have noticed an interesting trend about myself.

You see, I treat my own relationship with more care than you can imagine. My brain is constantly working and thinking about how I can be the best. It’s quite simple really, I have this endless desire to keep improving myself for the person that I love. I want to be so good at everything in a relationship that no one can even compare.

Most women are used to a certain standard when they date men. Well, what I am trying to achieve is something that blows the standard right out of the water. Something so powerful that it makes other people in relationships jealous.

Would you like to know why I consistently try to achieve perfection like this?

It’s because I have seen way too much as a result of this site. I have seen way too many women break up with men for stupid reasons. I have seen way too many men break up with women for dumb reasons as well. I have seen women cheat on men for not being there emotionally. Heck, I have seen women cheat on men “just because.”

What I am trying to get at here is that I have seen way too much.

My Greatest Fear

I have this subconscious fear that if I am not there emotionally for someone I love in their time of need they can turn to someone else for something I can’t provide them emotionally. Like I said, I have seen way too much as a result of this site so let me tell you how this typically goes.

If a woman finds another man to provide her with emotional support that her boyfriend can’t provide then pretty soon that woman is relying on this other man for emotional support. That emotional support leads to her opening up to this new man in ways she didn’t with her boyfriend.

Next thing you know that emotional connection could lead to a physical connection.

Emotional cheating while its technically not cheating in the “physical sense” it is certainly a precursor to physical cheating.

In other words, emotional cheating is a very dangerous game.

Types Of Cheating

(Learn the exact steps to getting your ex boyfriend back here.)

I am sure this is going to be an interesting section because you are going to get my views (the voice of the common man) on what I consider to be cheating. Now, I have thought a lot about how I want to structure this and I have determined that the best way to do this is to start off with the less physical forms of cheating and work our way up.

Holding Hands

Hear me out for a second here.

When you go to Google and type in the keyword “couple” what kind of pictures show up?

You don’t know?

Well, let me tell you. A bunch of pictures with couples HOLDING HANDS!

Believe it or not but everyone associates holding hands to someone who is in a relationship.

Still not getting through to you?

Hmm…

Ok, imagine for a second that you are dating me. Lets just say that we started dating 2 months ago and everything has been incredible (which is a given because we are talking about me here.) However, one day you are walking down the road and you spot me holding hands with another girl…

What is the first thought that is going to go through your mind in that situation?

“He’s cheating on me…”

And you would be right… I would be (not really but this is a fake example.)

Engaging In Sexual Talk (That’s Not A Joke) With A Member Of The Opposite Sex

How is this ever a good idea?

Seriously?

If there is one side of yourself that you absolutely positively have to reserve for your significant other it is this one.

Again, I feel the need to use an example here to illustrate my point.

You and I have been dating for two months. Everything has been great between us, blah, blah, blah.

Well, one day I leave my phone out and you decide to breach my privacy by looking through it. While you are sorting through all the text messages I have sent to people over the past week you notice that I have sent some racy photos to another girl. You also notice that I have been talking to this girl in a very sexual manner.

How do you feel about that?

Personally speaking, if someone I was dating did this I would consider it cheating.

I mean, if a girl is talking about what she wants to do sexually to a guy when she gets him alone… that is a major problem.

Kissing

I can live with a friendly kiss on the cheek. I mean, that is practically how people greet each other in Europe so I won’t start World War 3 over that. However, I am more than happy to start WW3 over a kiss on the lips. I don’t know, but any kiss on the lips is pretty much unacceptable to me.

I went on a date with a girl once that told me that she greeted most of her guy friends with a kiss on the lips…

I basically heard that and ran for the hills.

I couldn’t ever date someone like that, I don’t care how perfect she is.

(I don’t have to mention french kissing here do I?)

Anything Sexual

I am going to make this so easy for you.

1st base = Cheating

2nd base = Cheating

3rd base= Cheating

Sex = Cheating

The Top Three Reasons For Cheating

(If you would like a step by step guide to winning your ex boyfriend back please click here.)

One of the biggest benefits of owning and operating a site that helps women get their love lives back on track is the fact that I have access to a lot of real time information that a lot of the other “experts” out there don’t have. For example, when I was thinking of what I would write for this page I ended up pulling up my first attempt at writing this page and going through all of the comments to see what women were actually listing as the reasons for cheating.

After spending about an hour doing that I was able to learn that the reasons for why most women cheat can be divided up into three different categories.

1. Drinking Too Much.
2. Emotional Reasons.
3. Revenge.

As I am sure you have probably already realized I am now going to dissect each of these “categories” and give you my honest opinion on them.

Drinking Too Much

This was pretty shocking to me. Drinking too much was BY FAR the most cited reason for a woman cheating on her boyfriend.

Let me set the stage here for a moment so you can know exactly what I mean by “drinking too much.” This is all hypothetical of course so don’t take offense if I use you and your ex as an example here.

Lets pretend that while you and your ex boyfriend were dating you decided to go to a party with your girl friends. Now, your boyfriend is a pretty secure guy so he has no problem with you going to this party at all. However, while you are at the party you have a little too much to drink and you start dancing with one of your “guy friends.” Well, one thing leads to another and the next thing you know you are kissing him.

With that kiss you have just entered into the realm of cheating (a very dangerous place.)

Of course, when the time comes to fess up to your boyfriend you blame your intoxicated state.

I can’t tell you how often I have heard this exact story.

The Problem With Drinking Too Much

Here is my issue. I lose a little respect for women who use this as their excuse for cheating.

Why?

While I will admit that I have never been so drunk that I couldn’t remember my name or blacked out. I can tell you that I have been drunk before and even in that moment I still knew exactly what I was doing. Sure, an argument can be made that someone who gets so drunk that they black out and forget the night (hangover style) can cheat because they can’t stop themselves but you know what, I think that’s absolutely pathetic and I am going to tell you why.

(Remember, I am not holding anything back.)

If you drink so much that you are forgetting the previous night then you have a major problem. Think of it this way, do you know where you hear those type of stories?

Alcoholics Anonymous…

Cheating on your boyfriend is the least of your worries if you are drinking this much. Heck, forget about him for a moment. First things first, you are going to need to learn to take care of yourself first before you can even attempt to get him back and getting so drunk that you forget the previous night is not the definition of taking care of yourself.

Why I Think So Many Women Use Drinking As An Excuse

You are ashamed of what you did…

I think it’s as simple as that. So, rather than standing up and taking responsibility for what you did you decide to blame it on the alcohol.

You know what, the truth is that the alcohol is Innocent and you are guilty.

Own up to it.

Emotional Reasons

I am going to say something that may be a little controversial. Some of you may agree with what I say while others may disagree. Nevertheless, I am the one who runs this site and since you came here for my insight you are just going to have to put up with my views.

I believe that men and women are only slightly different when it comes to the physical and emotional aspects of a relationship.

“Wait, what do you mean “only slightly?””

It’s quite simple really.

If you look at relationships from a birds eye view you can pretty much narrow them down to, two primal needs.

1. Physical Needs
2. Emotional Needs

Obviously, a relationship requires both of these needs to be fulfilled to thrive. However, the thing I have always found interesting when it comes to the differences between men and women is the fact that the general spread of those needs is different among the genders.

For example, men tend to place a slightly higher emphasis on the physical needs of a relationship as opposed to the emotional needs. Women are different as they have a higher emphasis on the emotional needs as opposed to the physical ones.

I like to call this phenomenon the 60/40 spread.

The 60/40 Spread

Lets say that we are looking at physical and emotional needs on a percentage basis.

We obviously know that a relationship needs both of these needs to be met in order to survive. Well, as I said above, men and women often place different emphasis’ on these needs.

• Men for example, will probably place a 60% emphasis on physical needs and a 40% emphasis on emotional needs.
• Women on the other hand, will probably place a 60% emphasis on the emotional needs and a 40% emphasis on the physical needs.

Of course, if you want some really interesting insight into this phenomenon make sure you clean out your ears for this next part.

Throughout my life I have noticed a very interesting trend when it comes to the 60/40 rule.

Oftentimes you will see that the percentages with the bigger emphasis’ on men and women tend to be directly connected. For example, if you were dating a guy who had trouble expressing himself then it is probably likely that your emotional needs aren’t going to be met (since I am assuming you are a woman.)

Well, you might notice that as you begin to meet his physical needs (since he is a man) that he begins to open up emotionally. Thus, your emotional needs start to be fulfilled.

Believe it or not but many men have discovered this phenomenon and use it to their advantage to make sure their emphasized percentage gets met by you. For example, a man may learn that only time that you open up physically is when he meets your emotional needs. So, any time he wants to have his needs met physically he will provide you with what you are looking for emotionally so you can provide him with what he is looking for physically.

Lets talk a little bit about what happens when your emotional needs aren’t being met now.

How The 60/40 Spread Correlates To Cheating

You are a woman so we already know that the spread of your needs are as follows,

• 60% Emotional Needs
• 40% Physical Needs

What do you think happens when that big 60% percentage of emotional needs doesn’t get fulfilled? Well, oftentimes you are going to go elsewhere to look for it.

This is where cheating comes into play.

Lets use you as an example. Lets pretend that you cheated on your ex boyfriend because he wasn’t fulfilling you emotionally. Instead of fulfilling your 60% of emotional needs he was only fulfilling 20% of it. Now, you are a good person so you never even thought it was in your character to cheat but when you are in the situation and you are only getting 20% of your needs met you aren’t going to be very happy in your relationship.

So, instead of giving up on your relationship you begin to look other places for other men to fulfill your emotional needs. Eventually you find someone, a “guy friend” who has had a crush on you for years. This guy friend of yours ends up fulfilling you emotionally better than your boyfriend does.

What happens next?

As I explained above, oftentimes when your emotional needs get met your physical needs begin to come out. Pretty soon, you can’t help but fall for your guy friend since he is doing such a good job of meeting your emotional needs. This is where the cheating comes into play.

The guy friend meets the needs your boyfriend couldn’t and eventually gets rewarded with by having his physical needs met.

Revenge

Let me set the stage for you here.

You and your ex boyfriend used to be the perfect couple. All of your friends would talk to you about how jealous they were of what you and your ex had. In other words, everything was right in the world. For the first time in your life you had felt as though you had found “the one.”

A few months later everything changed when you discovered that he had cheated on you. Of course, despite his cheating ways you are still in love with him so you couldn’t bring yourself to leave the relationship. There is just one problem.

No matter how hard you try you just can’t get over the cheating and slowly but surely you start to waver in your own dedication to the relationship.

When you wake up in the morning you are plagued with horrible thoughts like,

“I can’t believe he was with someone else in that way…”

Thoughts like these plague you throughout the day and you may even be so bothered that you have nightmares. So, rather than communicating you opt to take the “Kill Bill” approach.

What Is The Kill Bill Approach?

This is my inner nerd coming out but I absolutely love that movie Kill Bill so I couldn’t help but use it as a reference since I look at it like the ultimate revenge movie.

Your boyfriend cheated on you. That alone pretty much builds a case that he is a scumbag and absolutely puts you in the right and him in the wrong. You are probably angry and want to make him feel the pain you are feeling. So, what is it that you decide to do?

You decide to go full Kill Bill and get revenge on him by going out and cheating on him.

I suppose the thing that I want to focus on is if you getting revenge on him is justified or not.

Personally, I don’t think it is the right thing to do to someone. If I was in your situation and a girl had cheated on me rather than staying in an already unstable relationship and finding a way to make her feel just as bad as I felt by cheating on her I think I would just end things.

Though, I am sure if I was put in a situation like that and you were to ask me if getting revenge was justified I would say that it is.

It is basic human nature to lash out at the things that wrong us.

Need an example?

When I was a kid in grade school there was always this other little kid that would try to pick on me by pushing me. One day he caught me in the wrong mood and as he pushed me I lashed out and pushed him back (knocked him on his butt I might add.)

Do you see what happened here?

It was so upsetting for me that this kid was pushing me/causing physical and emotional harm that I couldn’t take it anymore and I wanted to make him hurt just as much as I did.

The same principle applies to revenge cheating.

Though revenge cheating is much more dangerous because you are dealing with the feelings of three people.

1. You
2. Your Boyfriend
3. The Person You Cheated With

How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If You Cheated On Him

(Learn exactly what you have to do to get your ex boyfriend back by clicking the following link.)

I think I have made it pretty clear throughout this page that I really hate cheating. In relationships I have learned that I can put up with a lot. However, cheating is where I draw the line. It’s the ultimate “game ender” for me. For example, if you and I were dating and I found out that you cheated on me I would end the relationship immediately.

Why is it that I have this view?

I pride myself on being one of the most faithful human beings alive. I have never cheated on anyone and I never will. So, if I am willing to bring that type of intensity and conviction to a relationship I feel it is only fair that my faithfulness is matched.

Is that too much to ask?

I certainly don’t think so.

Now, if you are interested in this page because you cheated on your ex boyfriend then you are probably wondering if someone with my views on cheating would ever take a cheater back.

I am going to be honest with you, it’s not very likely. However, I hesitate to say that someone with my views would never take a cheater back.

Why?

Because I have witnessed hundreds of people take cheaters back so I know for a fact that it is very possible.

What I would like to do now is a little role playing scenario.

The Scenario

Lets pretend for a minute that we dated and you cheated on me with one of your “guy friends.” While you didn’t sleep with him you did end up making out with him at a party (which is without a doubt cheating.) Of course, the next day you felt so horrible about the whole thing that you came clean to me and as expected, I broke up with you on the spot.

What would you have to do to get me back?

That’s the scenario I would like to talk about.

Three Things You Have To Do To Get Me Back In That Scenario

Well, the truth is that you have dug yourself quite the hole to climb out of. Allow me to explain some of the thoughts that would be going through my head in this scenario.

• “She’s a Bi*ch…”
• “She’s a liar…”
• “I wish I never met her…”

I think you get the idea.

(Your not my favorite person at the moment.)

What you are wondering is how the heck you are going to win back my affections. Well, below I have compiled a list of three things that you need to be willing to do if you want to even have a shot of getting me back.

1. Properly Dealing With Other Men
2. Giving Me Time To Calm Down
3. Win Back My Trust

As always I want to give you an in-depth look at each of these things.

How To Properly Deal With Other Men

There are a couple of things here that I want to talk about. First lets talk about how you need to handle that “guy friend” who you cheated with.

Without a doubt the number one mistake that I see cheating women make is that they are still friends with the person who they cheated with.

Why is this a mistake?

I am so glad you asked.

Lets assume that in the scenario we are talking about here you do manage to get me back but you are still friends with “the guy.”

How do you think I am going to feel about that?

Any time I see you texting him, talking to him or even mentioning him I am going to be filled with feelings of anger, jealousy and betrayal. Also, I feel like its an extra slap in the face that you didn’t care about me enough to end your relationship with this other person who basically brought an end to ours.

Be willing to take a chance to end a friendship with someone who you don’t really care about if you want your ex boyfriend back.

The second thing I would like to discuss is how to handle men who hit on you. Again, I am going to have severe trust issues with you since you did cheat on me and somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind I am going to be thinking things like,

“I wonder if she would cheat on me again with someone else?”

No matter how much you reassure me that you won’t I probably won’t believe you.

So, lets pretend that one of your guy friends sends you a text message telling you that he misses you.

If you are faced with a situation like this you need to be aware of how sensitive I am going to be. So, it might be in your best interest to use this as a response,

Do you realize how rare this is for women to do?

Most women would just not even mention the “I miss you” at all. They would just accept it and not even respond to it.

A response like this can go a long ways for rebuilding that trust.

Give Me Time To Calm Down

One of the most interesting lessons I have learned through my time here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery is that a lot of times getting an ex boyfriend back comes down to timing.

What do I mean by this?

Lets go back to our scenario for a second.

Your first instinct after I broke up with you was to probably do everything in your power to get my back as soon as humanly possible. The issue with that is that right after I broke up with you is when I am going to be at the highest point of emotion (and I am not talking about happy emotions.)

If you are attempting to get me back when I am at that point your chances for success aren’t going to be very good.

Think of it like this.

Trying to get an ex boyfriend back in that specific situation at that specific time is like trying to play tennis with a 100lb racquet.

No, the smarter strategy would be to wait and give me time to calm down.

You can do this in a lot of different ways but I have found the most effective way is through the use of the no contact rule.

Win Back My Trust

Lets say that when you and I were dating (in this fake scenario) I completed trusted you.

For example, if you were to rate my trust in you on a scale from 1 to 100 it would have been 100.

Of course, after you cheated on me my trust in you dropped from 100 to 0.

So, the question you are probably wondering is how in the world do you gain someones trust back in this particular case?

The truth is that its a very complicated question to answer. There is a lot that goes in to winning back the trust of someone. Luckily for you, it is something I have written about extensively here.

This is what you have been waiting for right?

For what seems like a year straight every day I am asked a simple question,

“Why don’t you write about the grass is greener syndrome?”

Well, here it is.

I am finally going to be tackling the grass is greener syndrome. I want this guide to be extremely insightful so I am going to be covering a wide variety of topics,

• I am going to teach you what the GIGS (grass is greener syndrome) is.
• I will give you real life examples of men who have gone through this.
• I will explain why sometimes the GIGS can work.
• I will also dive in to how the GIGS can be a very dangerous thing.
• Oh, and how could I forget that I am going to be applying all of this to your ex boyfriend.

Lets start by defining the GIGS.

What Is The Grass Is Greener Syndrome?

(If you would like to learn how to get an ex boyfriend back who has GIGS please click this link.)

I have a confession to make…

The first time I heard of the grass is greener syndrome was when a reader of this site pointed it out to me. Now, as I stated above, a lot of women have been wanting this guide for a very long time and I have been putting it off because I didn’t feel I had a good understanding of what the GIGS was.

That is definitely not the case anymore as I did extensive research to make sure I knew everything there was to know.

The Grass Is Greener Syndrome- The belief that what you currently have in your life is no longer good enough or adequate. As a result, you begin to believe that there are better things out there.

The GIGS is mostly used to refer to people in relationships but it can also be applied to people who are in jobs.

Of course, since we are trying to gain insight into your ex boyfriend here we are going to be using the grass is greener syndrome in the context of relationships.

If I had to pick out one of the most frightening aspects of this entire thing it is that you could be doing everything perfectly in your relationship, you could literally be the best girlfriend in the world to your boyfriend and he could still have a bout of GIGS.

Lets take a look at how this phenomenon can apply to your ex boyfriend.

How GIGS Applies To Your Ex Boyfriend

This site was really designed for women who are trying to get their ex boyfriends back. So, lets take a moment and look at what your ex boyfriend may be experiencing assuming he got a bout of the GIGS. In my opinion, there are really three outcomes that can occur when it comes to your ex boyfriend.

1. Things Are Great But I Think I Can Do Better
2. Things Are Not Great And I Think I Can Do Better
3. I Always Think I Can Do Better

As always, lets start with number one!

“Things are great but I think I can do better..”

For most of the women on this site this has to be one of the most horrifying outcomes that can potentially unfold. The way this works is actually pretty simple. You and your boyfriend are doing great. You love him and he loves you.

(FYI there is no question in his mind about that.)

However, somewhere down the road this little thought begins to creep into his head,

“I love her… but I feel I can find someone even better than her. Actually… now that I think about it I have always thought that from the moment I started dating her.”

When the inevitable talk comes where he explains that he just isn’t into the relationship anymore you immediately assume that he lost feelings. The truth is that he didn’t, he just thought he could do better even though things were great.

Pretty horrifying right?

“Things are not great and I think I can do better..”

To be honest, this is a situation where I think he may be justified in his reasoning to want to look elsewhere.

Lets pretend that you and I are dating. Throughout our relationship you are horrible to me. You are controlling, manipulative and get angry at every little thing I do. Pretty soon all of this craziness from you begins to weigh on me and a singular thought begins to enter my head,

“I think I deserve more than this in a relationship. I think I can do better.”

In other words, your inability to be a caring girlfriend was your own downfall as it caused me to look over the fence to see if the grass was greener anywhere else.

(Hint: It probably is which is why I left.)

“I can always do better..”

This is a very interesting type of grass is greener mindset. So, the way this basically works is that a guy can’t ever find happiness in a relationship. Nothing ever fulfills him and as a result he opts to look elsewhere for it.

In other words, he jumps from relationship to relationship trying to find someone who is going to fulfill him. Unbeknownst to him just the way he is, always thinking he can do better, prevents him from ever sustaining a long term relationship with anyone.

How can you tell if your ex boyfriend is like this?

Admittedly, this particular mindset on a man tends to be really rare. However, there are warning signs that you can keep a look out for.

For example, if your ex boyfriend has never had a long term relationship and just jumps from girl to girl it can be possible that he has the “I can ALWAYS do better” mindset.

Can The Grass Is Greener Syndrome Ever Work?

(Learn about how you can get an ex boyfriend back by clicking here.)

Obviously there are two trains of thought when it comes to GIGS.

1. One portion of people believe that ending a relationship because you think you can do better usually works out.
2. The other portion of people believe that just because you think the grass is greener on the other side doesn’t necessarily mean that things are going to work out.

The question that you are probably wondering is,

“If my boyfriend left me because he has the grass is greener syndrome could a relationship with someone else potentially work out?”

I think it depends on a number of factors.

For example, if you were a horrible girlfriend to him and did nothing but berate him throughout your entire relationship then probably any other situation is going to seem “greener” to him. I like to call this phenomenon, the setting the bar effect.

The “Setting The Bar” Effect

Here’s an interesting question.

If your ex boyfriend could rate his experience having a relationship with you on a 1-10 scale what do you think he would give you?

Lets use the example I gave above in the last section about you being a horrible girlfriend and doing nothing but berating him throughout the entire relationship as a placeholder. Given this particular situation what do you think your ex boyfriend would rate you as? Where would he set your bar?

2… ?

3… ?

How about a 2.5 (since you did have some redeeming qualities.)

Alright, in this particular instance if your ex boyfriend can find a girl that can put provide him with a situation better than a 2.5 then for him the grass is indeed greener.

Of course, I know for a fact that most of you are great girlfriends and his bar isn’t going to be set at a 2.5.

Heck, maybe you were the best girlfriend that he ever had in his entire life and he gives you an 8 out of 10.

Well, if your ex ends up getting the GIGS he may potentially leave you because he thinks he can do better.

(What an idiot..)

Anyways, lets say that he does find a girl that he ends up dating for a little while but he only sets her bar at a 7.

By my math,

8 > 7.

This is a case where the grass is not greener and he is going to be really kicking himself for letting you go. In other words, he will be filled with an extreme amount of regret.

“What if he finds a girl that has the exact same rating as me?”

Lets assume that your ex boyfriend did leave you because of the grass is greener syndrome. He rated your overall relationship as a 6 out of 10. Well, when he finally does get in a relationship with someone else he may found out that she is a 6 out of 10 as well.

For him in this scenario the grass is not greener.

Remember, the grass is only greener if he can find someone who can beat the bar that you set. Of course, the other fly in the ointment for him is the fact that the grass may be a little greener at first but it almost always never stays the same.

How The Honeymoon Period Plays A Role

(Need help getting an ex boyfriend back step by step make sure you check out my E-Book.)

Everyone here is aware of the honeymoon period in a relationship right? Well, for those of you new to the game the honeymoon period is this period of the time at the beginning of a relationship where you have this constant emotional high and your significant other can do no wrong.

However, eventually the honeymoon period levels out and you don’t have that emotional high all the time (just spurts here and there.)

This is normal for every single romantic relationship that has ever been formed since the beginning of time.

What’s interesting is how the honeymoon period can affect the grass is greener syndrome.

Lets pretend that you and I were dating and I decided that I thought I could do better than you (classic GIGS.) Anyways, after I leave the relationship I determine that my experience with you was a 7 out of 10. Then the inevitable happens, I meet a new girl and start a new relationship with her.

At the beginning this new girl and I are going to be going through a honeymoon period so my experience in that relationship is going to be super high (probably a 9 or a 10.)

Wow, a 9 or 10.

The grass was greener right?

WRONG!

The honeymoon period begins to wear off and that is where the true test of a relationship begins. Pretty soon this new girl and I start fighting a lot.

That 9-10 rating suddenly drops to a 6-7.

Then I begin to suspect that she is cheating on me.

Now the rating is down to 5-6.

Now, I don’t know about you but in my book a 7 (my relationship with you) beats a 5 (my relationship with the GIGS girl.)

The main point here is that the honeymoon period has a way of inflating where the bar was set so it’s important not to be fooled by it.

Why The Honeymoon Period Will ALWAYS End

“But what if the honeymoon period doesn’t end?”

It will.

It’s inevitable.

Let me give you an example. When you are driving around in the car and listening to the radio what do you do when you hear an amazing song for the first time?

I’ll tell you what I do.

I immediately memorize a few lyrics to the song and send a text message to myself so I can look it up later and buy it. Once I have bought the song I listen to it about 50 times over and over again. This is a bit of an issue because after you listen to a song that much it kind of loses its appeal after a while.

The same principle applies here.

It’s impossible for a human to have a continuous emotional high for so long without adapting to it. Eventually we all adapt and make the “emotional high” normal. Sure, some honeymoon periods last longer than others but the end result always seems to be the same, it ends.

Now, just because the honeymoon period is over doesn’t mean the relationship is over. It just means that your ex boyfriends initial view of the relationship he is currently in may go down a little bit.

For example, that 9 he experienced during the honeymoon period may turn into a 7 or an 8.

Real Life Examples Of GIGS (Ex Boyfriends)

(Learn how to get your ex boyfriend back.)

I actually have two real life examples that I can tell you of how the grass is greener syndrome works.

I am going to give you an example of a woman who I communicated with on this site who ended up getting her ex boyfriend back after he got GIGS. In other words, I am going to give you an example of a case where the grass was not greener on the other site.

In addition to that I am going to be giving you an example of a case where the grass WAS greener on the other side by talking about the mindset of someone I know who met his future wife after a case of the GIGS.

I suppose we can start with what you really want to hear.

An Example Of The Time The Grass WASN’T Greener

A girl gets dressed up one night to go to a big party because she knows HE was going to be there.

Who was he?

His name was Brad.

So, the girl goes to the party and “casually” runs in to Brad. Something was different about her though. Brad was noticing her in a different light. Before she was just one of his “friends” but the way she looked tonight, she was much more than a friend.

They spent the entire night together swapping stories, philosophies and dreams. By the time the party was over at 2am the two were still talking. From that moment on they were inseparable. Not an hour went by where they didn’t text each other and not a day went by where they didn’t see each other.

As I am sure you have already predicated Brad and the girl ended up dating.

Their relationship was actually quite good.

They dated for a total of 2 years and didn’t have too many problems. Sure, there were fights here and there but generally speaking everything was great most of the time. One day Brad had a strange epiphany.

Actually, it turned out to be the day before his 30th birthday. You see, his parents kept urging him to marry the girl and as time went on he kept finding excuses not to man up and propose. With his upcoming birthday he started to have a thought,

“You know, I should probably get married. But I haven’t been out there really looking… I have been in a relationship all this time and I just think I can do better than (the girl.)”

Essentially Brad decided that he could do better than the girl he was currently dating.

So, he decided to break up with her so he could start his search for his future wife.

Little did he know that the girl (who asked me to remain anonymous) was waiting to be his future wife all along. So, when Brad tells her that he doesn’t think that shes,

“Wife material..”

She makes it her mission to prove that she is and takes to the internet to try find a way that she can win him back.

That’s when she stumbles across Ex Boyfriend Recovery and starts reading my articles. Eventually she works up the courage to email me (back when I was answering 100% of them and not getting overwhelmed.) She told me her story and I point out that she was a very good girlfriend to this guy and eventually he is going to realize his mistake.

I suggest that she implement a no contact period and “move on without moving on.”

She does her best to abide by my advice but ends up devastated when she logs on to Facebook one morning and notices that he is in a relationship with another girl.

Again, she comes back to me begging for me to tell her what to do.

“Stay in NC and keep on focusing on yourself.”

What I was hoping was that this girl had set the bar so high in her relationship with her ex that this other girl couldn’t compare when the honeymoon period did end up wearing off.

I was right!

Brad and his new girlfriend eventually started fighting and broke up after 6 months together.

Brad was starting to realize that the grass wasn’t as green as he thought.

So, in typical man fashion what does he do?

He decides to crawl back to the ex who set the standard for his relationships.

There was just one problem.

In all my speeches to the girl about,

“Moving on without moving on.”

It turned out that the girl had actually moved on. She forgot the “without moving on” part. By the time Brad had crawled back to her she had already found someone else and was happy in her relationship with him. In other words, it was too late for Brad.

The grass wasn’t greener.

Key Takeaways From The Story

• Setting the standard/ bar for relationships for an ex is essential for making the grass not be greener.
• Sometimes an ex going on the rebound can be a good thing especially if you are the best girlfriend he ever had.
• Moving on without moving on can be an important part of the process.

An Example Of A Time That The Grass WAS Greener

This is a very personal story to me because I actually know this person and haven’t just communicated with them via email.

Someone I know really well was in a relationship with a girl for just under a year (like a month shy.) The relationship was pretty intense. At the beginning of the relationship with the honeymoon phase everything seemed to be pretty great. There were no fights and everything was going along very nicely.

The issues started occurring when the honeymoon period was over and my acquaintance began to notice that his girlfriend was a bit of a flirt. Well, quite honestly “a flirt” is putting it nicely. Turns out that this girl was constantly hanging out with other guys.

(Quick Sidenote: If a guy ever tells you that he is ok with you hanging out with other guys one on one then that means one of two things. The first could be that, that guy is a liar because no guy in his right mind is going to be ok with that. We are very protective and territorial ladies. Make sure you remember that. The second could be that, that guy doesn’t care about you very much because like I said, we are territorial and if he stopped caring about your “hang out” habits then that must mean he doesn’t care about you very much.)

Her indiscretion with the other men in her life began to drive a wedge between the relationship her and her boyfriend (my acquaintance) had built.

Now, most guys probably would assume that this girl was cheating on them due to how many guys she was “flirting with” and who knows, she probably had some feelings for some of these other men. However, my friend is not the type of person to just give up on a relationship. For whatever reason he saw potential in it so he stuck by her side.

As time went on they had fight after fight.

Pretty soon her flirty nature had driven him to the point where he had a hard time trusting her at all which of course led to more fights and made him very resentful.

This went on for almost a year until one day my friend had enough and found the courage to end it. He believed in his heart that he deserved better.

He was always the one that had to carry their relationship. Always the one to set up dates, initiate things and progress things forward. He felt like he put in all the effort but was never reciprocated.

If we could take a sample of the scale in his head this girl he dated would probably be a 2 or a 3 out of 10 which means that just about any girl he would date after that is going to seem better.

Here’s the thing though.

My friend takes relationships very seriously and was left very deeply hurt at how much he felt he wasted his time with this 2. So, rather than getting right back on the horse and potentially dating a rebound girl he took his time. He focused on healing and thought a lot about what he wanted in a future relationship.

He wasn’t going to make the same mistake by dating a girl that could wrong him the same way that this one did.

In other words, he made it his mission to find that “greener grass.”

He eventually did by the way.

Of course, it took him a total of 4 years.

Do you realize how rare that is?

Someone who is willing to wait that long. Who is willing to take every day to look inwards to find out what they really want out of a relationship. But perhaps most impressive of all is the ability to have the strength to say no to women that couldn’t make the cut.

Someone who refuses to settle.

A little confused?

Let me make it super easy for you to understand.

Essentially what my acquaintance is doing is that he is making sure that the next person he dates is going to be super high quality. Someone who is going to set the bar so high that no one can ever compare.

It took him 4 years but he finally found that woman.

As it turns out, that woman ended up being his future wife.

He had spent so much time thinking about what he really wanted in a relationship that he knew exactly what to look for when he was “vetting” women. Eventually he got so could at vetting women that the girl that was strong enough to make the cut was predestined to be his wife.

So, if you were wondering about a case where the grass is greener on the other side this would be it.

Someone who had such a bad experience in a relationship that they make it their mission to find the greener grass.

Recap

• If the bar is set low in a relationship it is possible that an ex boyfriend can find someone else who can easily beat the mark.
• Someone who doesn’t go on the rebound is more likely to find greener grass.
• Someone who moves on completely after a relationship and actively searches for greener grass will probably find that greener grass.

Would you like to take a guess at who my “acquaintance” is?

I’ll tell you what.

The first person who can guess correctly in the comments will get my E-Book for free.

(LIMITED TIME: 100 Discounts For Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

Hi everyone!

I would have to say that without a doubt summer is my favorite time of the year. I love going outside, soaking up the sun and just enjoying everything that life has to offer during this time of the year.

Fun fact- I would swim every day if I could .

Anyways, some of you may have noticed lately that I haven’t been quite on my game (I feel as if the last two posts I have written weren’t my best work.) The truth is, is that I think I need a little break from writing these massively detailed posts for a week.

So, I have decided to take some time off (just this week don’t worry) from writing another detailed post though I promise I have some really cool stuff planned for when I do come back.

Of course, I do feel really bad about hanging you guys out to dry so I have decided to run a Summer Sale!

“What the heck is a summer sale?”

I’m glad you asked!

So, as many of you know my E-Book on how to get your ex boyfriend back (Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO) currently costs $39.95. 

While this price point has been affordable for a lot of people there are always going to be a segment of people who think its too pricey. Well, with this summer sale I am going to be effectively cutting the price in half.

Yup, you will be getting a 50% DISCOUNT on Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. Now, I do feel it’s important to mention that I can’t be giving this discount out forever (I’m a little greedy so sue me :p .) This 50% DISCOUNT is only going to be available for the first 100 people to claim it on a first come first serve basis. The second that person number 100 claims the summer sale the discount will no longer be in effect.

“How do we claim this discount?”

Again, I am so glad you asked.

Basically when you click on this button,

(This button IS clickable)

You are going to be taken to a sales page that looks like this,

(Click To Make Larger)

Well, on that page you will notice in the bottom lefthand corner there is an area marked at “Discount Code.”

The discount code that you want to type in (in this area) is,

Summer Sale

(Type “Summer Sale” in the area marked “Discount Code” and you will get 50% off Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

Remember, there are only 100 of these discounts available so you better take advantage as soon as you can!

This is the ultimate nightmare scenario for women who go through a breakup, being pregnant.

You see, when most women go through a breakup they go through the 5 emotional stages that accompany that breakup,

Stage 1- “How in the world did this happen?”

Stage 2- ” There is no way that this is happening to me..”

Stage 3- ” LEAVE ME ALONE!!!”

Stage 4- ” How am I going to get him back?”

Stage 5- ” Can I survive without him?”

The stages seen above are normal for 99% of the women visiting this site.

But what about that 1%?

You know, the 1% that are going through a breakup AND pregnant?

I am going to admit that these cases are very rare but they do exist. Whats worse is the fact that there isn’t really much good information out there on the internet teaching women what to do if they find themselves in these rare circumstances. I plan on changing that with this page.

For the first time on Ex Boyfriend Recovery I am going to be talking about how to approach getting an ex boyfriend back if you find yourself pregnant with his child.

First things first though, I need to make sure your priorities are right.

Your Unborn Child Vs. Your Ex Boyfriend

Lets get something straight here, the most important thing in your life right now isn’t your ex boyfriend, it’s your child.

The second you found out that you were about to become a mother the game completely changed. You see, before you were pregnant your ex boyfriend was probably priority number one. You would have done anything for him.

How do I know that?

Well, you are pregnant with his child and you came to this page because despite him leaving you, at arguably the most important time of your life, you still want him back.

However, now that you are going to be a mother your boyfriend just became priority number two.

Yes, I know this is a page designed to help you get your ex boyfriend back (and don’t worry I am going to go above and beyond when it comes to that) but let me tell you something about “the love of your life.”

A real man wouldn’t have left you during this fragile time in your life. A real man would have stuck around for HIS child. A real man would have stepped up and found a way to take care of you AND his child. Unfortunately for you though, your ex boyfriend is not a real man.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand why you want him back. He is the father of your unborn child and you want your family to be complete. Besides, it just doesn’t seem complete without him in the picture, right?

I totally get that and I promise you that I am going to impart as much wisdom as I possibly can on you to make sure you can achieve that goal. However, I want to ask you a question first,

Is your ex boyfriend even worth the effort to try to get back?

I already know your answer is going to be a resounding YES. However, you are answering from a place of extreme grief (your ex just left you) and I probably have a much more logical view of the situation than you do.

I would say that there is a scenario I can see where he is worth the effort to get back.

What is that scenario?

Only if he can add substantial value to you and your child’s life.

Now, if I were to tell you to pick out the most important word in that phrase what do you think it would be?

If you guessed,

SUBSTANTIAL

Then you would be right.

What do I mean when I say that in order for your ex to even be worth trying to get back he has to add substantial value to you and your child’s life?

Let me give you an example.

Lets say that your ex has a really secure well paying job, a stable house and you know for a fact that he has the ability to support you emotionally. Well, in this case that would mean your ex can bring a lot to the table and would probably be worth getting back.

Wait… But Does Me Wanting An Ex Boyfriend Back Because Of His Job Make Me A Gold Digger?

If you wanted a man only because of his money then yes that does make you a gold digger.

However, it actually makes me angry when men throw around the gold digger accusation to women wanting money/help to support a child. The truth is that if a man gets a woman pregnant he has an obligation to step up and help.

Call me old fashioned but I believe that once you and another human being create a child together you can’t be selfish anymore. In fact, you have to become so selfless that you’d be willing to do anything to make sure that, that child can have a happy and healthy life.

Now, obviously you should want to get your ex boyfriend back for a lot more than just his financial obligation. He is the father or your child and without him your family is not complete. I know for a fact that you love him very much and I know that you feel he can be there for you emotionally.

However, the main point of me writing this section was this.

If it comes down to it, your child is going to take top priority over your ex.

Never forget that.

The “My Life Is Over” Mindset

In my experience there are two types of reactions men can have when they learn they are going to be a father for the first time.

1. Some men will be extremely excited and dedicate the rest of their lives to making sure that they can do everything in their power to create a stable environment for their child.
2. The other portion of men adopt the, “My life is completely over” mindset.

Unfortunately, since you are on this page it seems that your ex adopted the “my life is over” type of thinking.

So, what is this type of thinking and how does it apply to your relationship with your boyfriend?

I am glad you asked.

What Is The “My Life Is Over” Mindset?

There is an interesting story to how I came up with the idea of this mindset. Around three years ago a friend of mine had a pregnancy scare with his girlfriend. Now, at the time I was extremely close to this friend so I was the first person he called to vent to about the situation.

Him: “I don’t know what to do. She’s late and she’s never late.”

Me: “Give it some time. You told me there is still some time for her to have her period right?”

Him: “Ya… but what if she doesn’t? My life will be over. I can’t go out and have fun anymore…”

Thus, the “my life is over” mindset was born.

Some men are frightened to death of having a child because they know that the second that, that child comes into the world they can’t be that selfish anymore. They know that they are going to have to dedicate time and energy to the child and that threatens the freedom they have of running around and having fun.

Gone are the nights where they can stay out all night and get drunk with their friends.

Gone are the nights where they can jump from girl to girl having one night stand after one night stand (though some pathetic guys still do this.)

My point is simple, in these men’s minds the life that they have grown accustomed to living is over. Here is the most ironic part of the whole situation though. If your ex boyfriend has adopted this “my life is over” mindset he isn’t thinking too clearly.

The truth is that his life isn’t over it is just going to change.

The only constant in life is change and adding a baby into the mix whether he is with you or not is going to change his life. This is a fact that he will eventually accept but it just may take some time before he has this epiphany.

One of my favorite examples to cite when it comes to this mindset came from another friend of mine.

In fact, there is a really interesting story to this one as well.

A Real Life Case Study Of A Woman Who Got Her Ex Back While Pregnant

(Yes, apparantely Harry Potter got pregnant… and I think Ron or Malfoy is the father…) ”

Believe it or not but the very first person who I helped get her ex boyfriend back was a woman who was pregnant.

The woman was actually a friend I had met in college. She ended up meeting a guy, falling in love and then he broke up with her which I am sure a lot of you can relate to.

The major twist here happened when she found out she was pregnant with his child literally a day after the breakup occurred. Of course, when she told her ex boyfriend that he was the father he adopted the, “my life is over,” mindset and ran off to try to preserve the life he had grown accustomed to.

My friend, the woman, was obviously devastated. The man who she fell in love with had rejected her, she had nowhere to go and on top of everything she was pregnant and broke.

Now, I don’t know about you but that is a really bad situation to be in.

Of course, when all of this happened the two of us hadn’t really talked in months. So, when I was goofing off on Facebook one day I was surprised to receive a personal message from her. We got to talking and she filled me in on everything that had been going on in her life.

She told me about how she fell in love, how he broke up with her, how she was now pregnant with his child and how she was still deeply in love with him.

The whole story made me feel bad to be honest and I kind of wanted to help her out.

So, at first I provided some support by listening to her situation and offering helpful tidbits of information here and there which she would sometimes take. However, eventually things had gotten so bad between her and her ex boyfriend that it didn’t seem like anything would work.

That’s when I decided I was going to do some research on how most people typically approach a situation where they are trying to get their ex boyfriends back. Through my research I learned a lot about male psychology, how to properly build attraction and the importance of timing.

However, I would have to say that the most useful piece of advice I learned was the no contact rule.

It was the first time I had ever heard of something where you essentially cut someone out for a certain period of time in order to make them realize how important they are to you. So, I suggested that my friend should try this on her ex. Of course, some modifications had to be made to a strict NC since she was pregnant and he had every right to know what was going on with his child.

So, the way she approached the situation was simple.

Any time where there was a checkup or any other important information regarding the baby she would be allowed to message or talk to him on the phone. Other than that however, she was strict about her NC and didn’t break it.

At first, it didn’t seem like it was working too well because she missed him more than she had ever missed anyone in her life before. However, slowly but surely the no contact rule began to work its magic as he started getting antsy and wondering why she wasn’t begging for him back anymore.

Perhaps I should hit the pause button and explain the timing of how this all went down.

My friend didn’t get into contact with me until she was already a month pregnant. Four months after she had got into contact with me I simply listened to her vent and provided the necessary,

“It’s going to be ok’s.”

and

“It’s all going to work out in the end’s.”

as I could to her.

Around the start of month six of her pregnancy I decided to suggest that she try out the no contact rule and she complied.

She did NC (in the way I described above) for about a month and a half before it fully worked and her ex wanted her back. Yes, about midway through month seven of her pregnancy her ex boyfriend accompanied her to a checkup for the baby and they got back together the very next day.

I guess the question you are wondering is why?

What was it that she did that made him want to get back with her?

Why He Went Back To Her

I believe there are a number of reasons that he went back to her.

I already taught you about the “my life is over” mindset and her ex definitely had some of that. Rather than accepting that his life was about to change he decided to run away from this fact and try to preserve the lifestyle he was so used to living. Of course, seven months after my friend told him the big news that she was pregnant he had some time to let reality set in and he began to realize that running away from his unborn child is not the right way to do things.

I have always found it interesting that men who get this MLIO (my life is over) mindset tend to have their hearts in the right place.

Now, that doesn’t excuse them for their pathetic actions of bailing but on some subconscious level they know that the second that, that child enters the world they are going to have to step up and act like a man. They know that they can’t be selfish anymore but rather selfless.

The idea that their life is over stems from this fact.

Of course, some men don’t come to this realization right away and that is where the no contact rule comes in, especially in this case.

What were some of the rules that my friend implemented when she was pregnant when it came to the no contact rule?

Well, she obviously wouldn’t contact him. However, when she went in for a checkup she felt he was entitled to know what was going on with his child so she would break NC then. Of course, she was short with him in those instances and any time he would try to steer the conversation to a topic other than their child she simply wouldn’t respond.

This was a massive 180 from the beginning of their breakup when she practically begged for him back and who can blame her?

She just found out she was pregnant. She had never felt more alone in her life and she was in love with him.

Her ex was just like most men in that he loved admiration. Any time she would beg for him back or plead for him to reconsider he kind of liked it. It made him feel wanted. It made him feel like he was powerful since he had a girl wanting him on this deep level.

Of course, when you fast forward seven months later the dynamic had changed when she blocked him out.

For the longest time he was used to her begging, used to her trying to reason with him and then all of a sudden it all stopped. The begging stopped, the reconsideration requests stopped, it all just stopped. He no longer felt wanted. He no longer felt needed.

This singular act of the no contact rule served as a wake up call for him that made him realize what a mistake he had made in leaving her and his child in the first place.

The Game Plan For Getting An Ex Back While Pregnant

We are going to take a page out of my friends book in how she got her ex back when we look at how to get yours back. Of course, it has been years since my friends situation unfolded and I am a bit more crafty now when it comes to exes so I have new insight and advice for you to implement on top of what she did.

Here’s a brief overview of what you should do,

• Modified NC
• Building Attraction
• Inviting To Checkups0

As always, I am going to be covering each of these steps in-depth.

The No Contact Rule During Pregnancy

Breakups tend to put people in a place where they feel highly emotional. Of course, pregnancy seems to do that to women too. So, when you couple the two together you are probably going to experience emotional pain like no other. This emotional pain is going to make doing the no contact rule extremely challenging.

Why?

I would say that a good 80% of women who visit this site and attempt the no contact rule end up failing it. Well, those 80% of women aren’t pregnant. So, if they are having such a rough time with no contact how do you think you are going to fare when you add in things like pregnancy hormones?

What I am about to say now is probably the most important piece of information you will find on this page.

Under no circumstances can you stray from NC in this case.

Why?

Because NC on a man who has left you while you are pregnant seems to have an increased effect since he is going to assume that you are going to beg for him back.

Of course, we are going to have to modify the no contact rule a little bit since you are pregnant and your ex does have a right to know what is going on.

Modification 1- If He Asks Anything About The Baby

I am going to leave this one up to you.

If you are in the middle of the no contact rule and he asks you something about the baby you are allowed to respond and talk to him about his inquiry. Of course, I do want to point out that if he shifts the focus to anything other than your child you are not to respond to him.

If I was in your position though the only time I would talk to him about the baby is if I were to volunteer the information myself.

Look, the thing to remember here is that these rules only apply for the time during the NC rule. After the NC rule you can go back to normal.

Modification 2- Volunteering Information On Checkups

As I am sure you have noticed one of the major sections on this page has to do with how to handle the checkups you get when you are pregnant. Well, during the NC rule you aren’t supposed to invite him to the checkups. Rather you are supposed to go to the checkup yourself and then volunteer the information to him after the fact.

Why?

Because this paints you in an independent light and should make him realize what he is missing out on.

Will it make him angry?

Probably.

But you know what?

He has no right to be angry when he is the one who left. This is what he misses out on when he leaves so make sure you make him realize that.

Building Attraction After The No Contact Rule

After the no contact rule is up then that’s when you should start building some attraction in your ex boyfriend.

What is the best way to do this?

The truth is that it’s a little too long to go into here. So, what I have done is compiled a list of the best guides I have written on Ex Boyfriend Recovery for building attraction. Check them out below,

• Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO- My E-Book that covers exactly what to do, what to say and how to act in order to get your ex boyfriend back in pretty much any situation you can think of.
• How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back- The very first guide I ever wrote for this site that talks a lot about rebuilding attraction in your ex boyfriend.
• How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Love You Again- An excellent guide that focuses ONLY on how to build attraction in your ex boyfriend.
• Get An Ex To Chase You- Another excellent guide that focuses on what you need to do if you want a man to chase after you (which can be helpful in your case.)

I know me linking to those pages is kind of weak and you probably want me to write something long and in-depth on how to build attraction in your ex but the truth is that those pages are excellent at teaching you how to do it. Besides, we have another very important issue to cover, how to handle checkups.

The Invitation To Pregnancy Checkups

One of the smartest things that I feel my friend did when she was trying to get her ex boyfriend back was the fact that she would invite him to her checkups.

I actually remember she would tell me how excited she was to see him during these checkups. She even compared it to a date once.

Now, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way but one of the biggest advantages to being pregnant and trying to get your ex boyfriend back is that you can use these checkups as a way to get him on your own version of a mini date. I know that sounds a little weird but hear me out.

When you go on a date with someone the main objective is to get that person to feel a connection with you. Generally speaking if you don’t feel a connection with that person you aren’t going to go on another date with that person. Now, let me ask you something.

What can make two human beings more connected than going to checkup and checking on a baby that is essentially made from them?

I dare you to find an activity that can match the level of connection that something like that can.

What you want to be doing is using these checkups as a way to slowly advance things and take advantage of your opportunities.

A Final Word

I don’t want to end on a bummer but I feel this is important to mention.

It’s not out of the realm of possibility that even if you do everything right, if you hit all the right emotional buttons within your ex you still may not get him back. This is another human being we are talking about here and as much as you may wish you had the ability to mind control him you can’t.

I don’t want this to discourage you and let you think that your dating life is over forever, it’s not.

The truth of the matter is that a man who leaves you during a time when you are pregnant is pathetic. No excuse can be made for that.

I know it sounds cliche but there are men out there who would be more than happy to have a beautiful woman with a child. So, if your ex can’t see you for the incredible person that you are then you can find a man who knows your value and who will treat you right.

Have you ever wondered why it’s so hard to get an ex boyfriend back?

I mean, if you really think about it from a big picture perspective the simple act of winning an ex back means you have to change their mind about you.

Lets pretend that you and I dated for about a year. Throughout our relationship we constantly fought and things weren’t very good. Eventually, I have an epiphany one day and realize that I am better off without you. This epiphany causes me to break up with you. In other words, my mind is set on the fact that my life would be better without you in it.

Now, if you are trying to win me back then that means that you have one of the hardest tasks known to man, changing my mind into believing that my life needs you in it.

In this guide I am going to be discussing what things have to occur in order for your ex boyfriend to change his mind and take you back. In other words, I am going to be teaching you how to change the mind of a man!

I feel the best way to kick this guide off is to talk a little about resistance.

How Resistance Relates To Changing A Mind

When you think back to your relationship with your ex boyfriend you probably have a lot of thoughts.

Good thoughts..

Happy thoughts..

Bad thoughts..

Sad thoughts..

I think you get the picture.

Well, if we are going to do this correctly then that is going to require a bit of empathy from you. In other words, you need to be able to put yourself in your exes shoes and try to determine how he views the relationship when he thinks back to it.

What kind of thoughts is he having?

What are the good thoughts?

What are the bad thoughts?

Do the good thoughts outweigh the bad or vice versa?

Right now I want to focus specifically on the bad/sad thoughts your ex boyfriend may be having about your relationship.

Why?

Simple, the bad/sad thoughts create resistance that prevents your ex boyfriend from changing his mind about wanting you in his life.

Good Feelings Vs Bad Feelings Theory

My favorite food in the world is chicken fried steak which I suppose makes sense since I am from Texas. Of course, my least favorite food would have to be something like eggplant or spinach.

Now that you know this interesting tidbit of information about me what food do you think I would associate with tasting good and what food do you think I would associate with tasting bad?

Good = Chicken Fried Steak

Bad = Eggplant or Spinach

So, it makes sense that I am always going to be drawn to the thing that I associate with tasting good (chicken fried steak) as opposed to the thing that I associate with tasting bad doesn’t it?

Relationships work the same way in a sense except instead of focusing on how things taste you are going to be focusing on how things feel.

Lets pretend that you and I are dating each other.

If I were to treat you like a queen, spoil you, say all the right things, be passionate, communicate properly, always have your best interests at heart and be dedicated solely to you the chances are pretty high that you are going to associate being with me with good feelings.

On the other hand, if I were to fight with you all the time, forget your birthday, be distant, flirt with other women, cheat on you and not really listen to you at all then without a doubt you are going to associate me with bad feelings.

As a whole people are drawn to things that make them feel good and they shy away from things that make them feel bad.

So, when you look at your relationship with your ex boyfriend do you think he associates you with good feelings or bad?

Well, the two of you are broken up so I am going to take a guess and say that he associates you with bad feelings since breaking up with someone is essentially like shying away from them. Perhaps the more interesting question we need to look at here is why are bad feelings so harmful to changing your exes mind about being with you?

Bad Feelings = Resistance

Here is how it works.

If you treated your ex boyfriend badly in a relationship by doing any of the following,

• Constant fighting
• Cheating on him
• Manipulating him
• Being a drama queen
• Becoming too clingy

Then you can pretty much bet the house on the fact that he is going to associate you with bad feelings. Now, why are bad feelings so harmful to your quest to getting your ex boyfriend back?

Simple, they create resistance.

Lets pretend that you and your ex have been broken up for a while. At some point after the breakup he is going to think to himself,

“Hmm… I wonder if I should get back with her?”

Of course, when he thinks this we already know he associates you with bad feelings so all this resistance is going to be created that will convince him that it’s not a good idea. For example, he may think to himself,

“Oh, she manipulated me…”

or

“Oh, she cheated on me so why would I want to get back in a situation like that?”

The truth is that this resistance is really what you have to overcome if you want to change your exes mind about getting back together with you. That basic concept is quite easy to understand. The hard part is actually having to overcome it because most men are stubborn when it comes to changing their minds.

Men Are Mostly Stubborn Once Their Mind Is Made Up

Men are tricky creatures in that we sometimes aren’t very open to changing our minds once it’s made up.

I can use multiple examples to illustrate this point perfectly from my own life.

One of the many common interests that I share with my father is sports. As a small child I always used to sit and watch the major sporting events like baseball, football and basketball on TV with him. Over the years the two of us have learned a lot about the different players playing these sports.

Recently we have gotten into small little arguments over statistical or technical facts about the players.

The last disagreement I can think of occurred over the famous Basketball player LeBron James.

My Dad- What position does he play? Small Forward?

Me- No, I think it’s shooting guard.

My Dad- There is no way. He is too big for that position.

Me- He definitely plays shooting guard.

My Dad- Look it up on your phone and I bet you I am right.

What we have here is two men, my father and I, who have our minds made up on the fact that LeBron James plays a certain position and neither one of us is backing down. You see, I believe with all my heart that LeBron plays shooting guard. Whereas my dad believes with all his heart that he plays small forward.

In other words, we are both being very stubborn on the fact that our way of thinking is right and the others is wrong.

Of course, we are men so this disagreement won’t be settled until we consult the internet.

Who was right?

Turns out that we both were as LeBron has played both positions in the past.

What Your Ex Boyfriend Believes About Your Relationship Right Now

I am going to make this simple for you.

If your ex boyfriend wanted to be with you he would be with you.

I know that may be a hard pill to swallow hearing things verbalized like that but its the truth.

Take me for example, I am the type of man that usually never does what I don’t want to do. Sure, sometimes I do, do things that I don’t want to do but I can literally count those things on one hand (and in most cases I am forced to do them,)

• Pay taxes (because you are forced to.)
• Go someplace I don’t want to go but because my significant other really wants to (doing it for her really.)
• Be cordial to someone that wronged me or my family (to not further add drama into the equation.)

(Now, most people would say that they don’t want to go to work but the truth is that I love my job so I can’t really say that.)

My point is really simple, generally speaking human beings don’t do things that they don’t want to do unless they are forced to do them. It just so happens that relationships are one aspect of your life where YOU are in control. This means that your ex boyfriend has actively chosen not to be with you.

This is where the good feelings vs bad feelings thing comes into play.

If you were able to consistently create good feelings within him he probably would have opted to stay in a relationship with you. Unfortunately, a lot of bad feelings probably occurred during your relationship and he high tailed it out of there.

But what specifically could he be thinking?

What are some of the bad feelings that are preventing him from wanting to be with you?

Below I have compiled a list of some of the most common thoughts that men can have after a breakup that prevent them from wanting to come back.

Thought 1- I Can Do Better…

Ah, the old grass is greener syndrome.

Essentially this thought occurs in men who exit your relationship thinking they can find someone better than you. In the link I just provided I talk about “bar theory.”

Bar Theory- Everyone a man dates sets the “relationship bar” at a certain height. If your ex thinks he can find someone who can set the bar higher than you then he is likely to leave you and go find that someone.

The interesting thing I have found about the GIGS (grass is greener syndrome) is that a lot of men end up learning that they finding that someone who can set the bar higher is a very challenging task.

Thought 2- She Cheated On Me…

I have to say that for me personally this is the one thing I don’t know if I can find it within myself to forgive.

Why?

Because to me infidelity is the worst thing that can happen in a relationship. Nothing hurts more than learning a woman you love on a deep level shared a part of themselves (that’s only supposed to be yours) with another man.

Hmm… perhaps it would be smarter to use an example here.

If you had cheated on your ex when you were dating then anytime the two of you kissed he would be thinking,

“Wow, another man kissed her like this probably.”

If you were making love then he would think to himself,

“I bet another guy did this with her…”

It ruins things for a guy. It ruins kissing, cuddling, sex, pretty much everything and it can take a long time to get over that.

Thought 3- Nitpicking At All Of Your Flaws

Human beings are flawed.

That’s the way it has always been since the beginning of time.

Here’s the thing though, people often get tricked into thinking that human beings are not flawed when they are in the midst of a honeymoon period where the other person can do no wrong. However, the honeymoon period almost always ends and that’s when you start to notice your significant others flaws.

Of course, an immature man may not take the flaws in stride and break up with you because of them.

If that is the case then he is in for a rude awakening when he realizes that every girl he will ever date is going to be flawed once the honeymoon period wears off.

How To Change Your Ex Boyfriends Mind About The Breakup

You probably have one of the hardest tasks in the world ahead of you, changing a mans mind.

In this section I am going to be covering everything I know about what it takes to change an ex boyfriends mind about a breakup.

First though, I would like to direct your attention to the graphic below,

With this graphic I have listed all of the things that will have to occur in order for your ex boyfriend to change his mind about being with you.

What are those things?

Well, there are four of them,

1. It has to benefit him.
2. You have to find a way to combat any resistance he may have.
3. Persuade him through both reason and emotion.
4. It has to be his idea to change.

Of course, me just simply listing these things isn’t enough. No, what you really want is for me to give you my insight into each of these reasons. Well, today is your lucky day because that is exactly what I am about to do.

It Has To Benefit Him

I want to ask you a question.

To your ex boyfriend, how does being with you benefit him?

Can you make him laugh like no other woman?

Can you provide the type of emotional support that he needs?

Are you the prettiest girl he has ever dated?

In other words, what I am asking is what sets you apart from the rest of the pack?

You see, human beings as a whole tend to gravitate towards the things that benefit them. For example, one of the most popular sales tactics out there is the buy one get one free sales tactic.

How does it work?

Lets pretend that I was trying to sell a $500 laptop. Now, while you may need a laptop you feel that $500 is too pricey so you have made up your mind that you are not going to buy it. So, the challenge that I have to overcome if I want you to buy this expensive laptop is sweetening the deal to the point where it benefits you.

Unfortunately, I can’t lower the price from the $500 mark so that means that I have to find some other way to benefit you.

Oh, I know.

If you buy this laptop at the $500 price you can get $500 worth of store credit. That means that in my imaginary store you can spend $500 on any amount of items you want.

Now all of a sudden that laptop turns into a pretty attractive deal doesn’t it?

And it’s all because I sweetened the pot to the point where it benefited you greatly.

So, the question you have to ask yourself right now is how does being with you benefit your ex boyfriend?

If you can’t answer that question then you need to find a way to answer it. As a general rule, I like to tell women to try to become the most incredible woman he has ever met in his life. That means you have to be sexier, smarter and more supportive that any other girl he comes into contact with for the rest of his life.

Kind of a tough task huh?

Hey, I didn’t say it would be easy.

Now, I am sure YOU could get out a piece of paper and list out all the reasons that it would benefit him to be with you but his vision is a little clouded at the moment isn’t it? I mean, right now he probably associates you with bad feelings and these bad feelings create resistance right?

It just so happens that overcoming that very resistance is the next thing that has to happen if you want to ultimately change his mind about being with you.

Overcome The Resistance He May Have

There is going to come a time post breakup where your ex boyfriend is going to think to himself,

“I wonder if I should go back to her?”

When that moment occurs, when he thinks that in his head it is going to be the bad feelings resistance that prevents him from acting on it.

For example, if your ex starts contemplating whether or not he should go back to you but then he thinks to himself,

“But she cheated on me. What if she does it again?”

or

“But she said all those hurtful things to me.”

or

“But she was so needy and naggy.”

The chances are pretty high that he isn’t going to want to come back to you.

So, now that you know this your task becomes all about overcoming any resistance he may have. Of course, in order to do that you must first identify what his resistance is. Usually if you just think very logically about the situation and think about every little thing you did wrong or everything that you know you did to hurt him you can figure out the resistance yourself.

Of course, sometimes men will flat out tell you what you did wrong in the relationship.

Some of the most common examples of resistance in men that I see is,

• Cheating.
• Neediness.
• Nagging.
• Controlling.
• Jealousy (to an extreme level.)

Persuade Him Through Both Reason And Emotion

I am going to open up to you for a moment here by giving you a rare look into my professional life.

As I am sure you have already surmised Ex Boyfriend Recovery isn’t my first website. In fact, it’s not my second, third, fourth or fifth website either. Ex Boyfriend Recovery is actually my 22nd website. Now, most of you may think that, that is an incredible accomplishment (creating 22 websites.) However, to me I look at this as a massive failure.

You see, I am a professional webmaster so that means that in order for me to dedicate time to a website I have to see some financial return.

Ex Boyfriend Recovery was the first time I ever struck gold. This website has given me so much which means I am willing to devote a massive amount of time to it and to you.

Of course, that also means that it took me failing 21 times before I finally figured out what worked and what didn’t work.

What did I learn from this experience?

Whenever a visitor comes to your website they don’t want to pay you any money at all. It’s really up to you to change their mind. If you are good at changing their minds you can become successful.

So, I suppose that makes me a bit of an expert when it comes to changing minds.

How am I able to do it?

Well, me doing all the stuff above certainly helps (showing you how my E-Book benefits you and overcoming any resistance you may have about buying it.) However, there are also two other crucial elements in play here. I have to tap into both your reason and emotions.

Oftentimes you find that reason and emotion are at odds with one another.

Lets use Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO, my e-book, as an example to illustrate this point.

Emotionally you probably want nothing more than to buy it. After all, it could be the ultimate answer to making that horrible feeling you are feeling in your heart go away. Of course, when you think about things reasonably you keep telling yourself,

“But it is a bit on the pricey side…”

Now, imagine if you get your emotion and reason to agree?

This is what you should be aiming to do with your ex boyfriend. Of course, I feel getting you to buy my book is a little easier than getting an ex boyfriend to change his mind about being with you.

Why?

Because you probably have work to do both through emotion and reason.

How To Persuade Him Through Emotion

I am a man so you know I am not going to mislead you when it comes to what other men (ie: your ex) are thinking.

As a man who knows what it’s like to be madly in love with a woman I know full well the power that emotion can have over a man. You see, when a man is truly in love with a woman he will do anything for her. No, I am not just talking about silly hypotheticals like taking a bullet or a grenade (Bruno Mars anyone?) for a woman.

I am talking about things like making a woman’s dreams come true.

Protecting her at all costs…

Providing for her…

Sacrificing for her…

This is the true power of emotional influence, a power you have lost over your ex boyfriend.

How do I know?

Because if he was truly in love with you then he wouldn’t even think about leaving your side.

So, the question you need to be asking yourself is how in the world can you get this emotional influence power back.

Ok, let me ask you a question.

Right now you are clearly smitten with your ex boyfriend otherwise you wouldn’t be here.

What was it about him that made HIM have such an emotional influence over you?

That’s what I want you to do to him. I want HIM to become the one that chases you instead of the other way around.

What’s the best way to do that?

Well, you have to maneuver yourself in a position to where you feel you can get your emotional hooks into him. Here are a list of things that women can do to cause men to associate positive emotions with a woman,

• He feels the same intensity about the relationship as you do. In other words, he feels you love him as much as he loves you (you are equal.)
• You experience new firsts together.
• You have the ability to give him butterflies.
• If he looks at you like your the total package. If he doesn’t then you better get on that

How To Persuade Him Through Reason

For the sake of this guide lets pretend that you were able to get your emotional hooks into your ex.

However, despite that amazing accomplishment he still has some reservations about getting back together with you.

What is it that is holding him back?

That would be his reason.

You see, logic can get in the way of most men who may want to get back together with their ex.

Why?

Because logic tells us that realistically the chances of a couple who break up aren’t going to last the second time around. So, why is it that he would want to subject himself to the emotional pain of another breakup?

Remember, in order for his mind to change about the breakup he has to feel like getting back together with you is going to benefit him.

I have found that the best way to reach him on a logical level and show him that being with you is the best choice is to be better than any girl he could ever meet for the rest of his life. If you can make him believe that then you are in business.

Where did I get this idea?

Actually from a married couple who has been together for over twenty years.

When I was much younger I would always hang out at my best friends house which I always found fascinating because of the dynamic between his parents. I absolutely loved his parents because they had one of the most interesting stories I had ever heard.

They were high school sweethearts, got married young and had the type of success story that you are all probably seeking.

I remember one day my friends dad told me an interesting story about his wife.

Back in high school my friends dad actually broke up with his (now) wife and started dating someone else. He told me that it was the biggest mistake of his life because he realized that his (now) wife was better than any other girl he had ever dated.

Inevitably he was drawn to her because she was the best.

Now, imagine if that was you.

Logically he would have no choice but to pick you because YOU are the best.

It Has To Be His Idea

What have we covered so far?

Well, we know that in order to change your ex boyfriends mind about being with you he has to feel that going back to you will benefit him. We also discovered that you are going to have to overcome any type of resistance he may have about your getting back together. Finally, we discussed how its important to reach him on both a logical and emotional level.

In this section I am going to talk about the importance of it being his idea to get back together with you.

You see, some men are so frightened of the ridicule of getting back with an ex that they can’t stomach the idea that it wasn’t their idea to get back together with them.

For example, if you and I were dating I would probably feel a lot better at getting back together with you if I felt it was my idea as opposed to you making it my idea (which is really what is going to happen.)

Men have this constant need to feel important or in control.

Notice the example I gave above about my friends parents.

Guess whose idea it was to get back together when my friends father broke up with my friends mother?

Yup, it was the father.

What really happened?

The mother influenced the father so much that it became HIS idea to get back together.

The Truth = It was the mothers!

It seems pretty simple doesn’t it?

Since the beginning of time there has been one thing that almost all relationship experts agree on,

Being clingy or needy is a complete turn off to men.

Before you entered into a relationship with your ex boyfriend you knew that deep down being clingy and needy was probably going to be a turn off to him but as you developed a deeper connection with him you couldn’t help yourself.

You just wanted to talk to him all day every day…

You wanted to hear his voice before you went to bed…

You wanted to know what he was up to throughout the day…

You didn’t really want him talking to any other girl that wasn’t you…

Essentially you wanted his entire life to revolve around you…

They say that love makes people do crazy things. This fact was evidenced when I opened up my Facebook Page one afternoon and saw this meme posted by one of my subscribers,

Now, I am not insinuating that you approached anything close to this when you broke up with your ex boyfriend I am just saying that I know what it’s like to be in love and I know that sometimes it can make you do some clingy or needy things.

In this guide I am going to be talking about how you can recover from these clingy or needy things that occurred in your relationship with your ex. Essentially, what I am shooting for here is a way to wipe your slate clean with your ex so that you can give yourself the best shot of getting him back.

The Positives & Negatives Of Being Clingy

I bet you weren’t expecting me to say that being clingy can have a positive aspect to it, huh?

As it turns out there is a way in which being clingy and needy can be an attractive thing to men. In this section I am going to talk a little about that but I will also be giving you the low down on all the negatives that go along with being clingy and needy.

So, if you have ever wondered what kinds of things a stage 5 clinger does to turn off a man then the section entitled, The Negatives Of Being Clingy, is going to be especially interesting to you.

First though, lets talk about the rarely talked about positive aspects of being needy.

The Positives Of Being Clingy

Whenever you do research on women who are clingy or overly needy you often hear experts scolding them for that type of behavior. You actually never hear about the positives that go along with being clingy or needy. You see, as a man I can tell you that, as weird as this is going to sound, I like a woman to be a little clingy or needy.

Wait, WHAT????

The keyword there is “a little.”

Hear me out for a second.

To me if a girl gets a little clingy it means she really has strong feelings for me and I like that. I want my woman to care about me on a level so deep that no one else can compare. I want her to want me to be the last person she talks to before she goes to bed. I want her to think about me constantly throughout the day.

Essentially, I want to be the most important person in her life.

Is that selfish of me?

Probably…

Do I care?

Not really…

Let me put it to you like this.

Whenever a girl exhibits clingy behavior like jealousy, constantly wanting to be around me and texting me a lot I kind of like it. To me it is these things that tell me she really cares about me.

I just gave you three little examples of clingy behavior that I said I liked, right?

What were they?

1. A little jealousy.
2. Wanting to be around me all the time.
3. Texting me a lot.

Ok, now I want to make a little tweak regarding these three examples.

What is the tweak?

I want to tell you about what a girl can do to all of a sudden make those cute little clingy behaviors into overly clingy to the point where it becomes a turn off.

One thing we have already established about me and most other men is that we like needy behavior but only to a certain extent.

Lets pretend that you and I are dating and at the beginning of the relationship you would exhibit the three clingy behaviors I mentioned above. Well, at the beginning I found it kind of cute. I liked the fact that you got a little jealous because it meant you cared. I liked that you wanted to be around me all the time and I also liked that you texted me a lot.

Of course, as time went on I began to notice a gradual change in the intensity of these behaviors.

For example, any time you would get jealous you would get jealous to the point where you would start a huge argument and you wouldn’t trust me about anything. In fact, your jealousy got so bad that at one point you literally forbade me to talk to anyone of the opposite sex.

You also became so clingy to the point where any time I would go into a room you would have to follow me in there. You know how your shadow follows you around everywhere? Well, you essentially became my new shadow.

The reason = “I couldn’t bear to be away from you even in a different room.”

Ah, and now we get to the texting.

You see, at the beginning of our relationship we had a nice 1:1 text ratio going. This means that we were completely even when texting each other.

• You text
• I text
• You text
• I text

Of course, as our relationship grew deeper the texting ratio changed completely to a 3:1 ratio. This means that for every one text I would send you would send three in return. On top of that you would literally get angry if I wouldn’t respond immediately to your texts.

Do you see the difference between positive neediness as opposed to negative neediness?

Speaking of negative neediness lets talk a look at some of those qualities.

The Negatives Of Being Clingy

You have an incredible advantage over almost every other woman searching the internet.

You see, when most women search the internet for advice on clingy behavior most experts list out all the needy behaviors that you need to avoid but almost none of them do a good job of explaining WHY you need to avoid them. It is rare to find someone who will explain why men react badly to clingy behavior but I am going to because I am a man and I know how I would react if someone got overly needy.

I suppose we can start with a common clingy behavior, text gnatting.

Clingy Behavior 1- Text Gnat

A lot of you are already familiar with the term I coined called a “text gnat.”

If you aren’t familiar with it then allow me to take a moment to educate you on it.

Imagine for a moment that you are walking down the street and all of a sudden you hear this buzzing around your head. You look around and discover that a bunch of gnats are following you around. No matter how many times you swat at them they still stay put. No matter how fast you run they still seem to follow. It’s like no matter what you do you can’t seem to shake these annoying bugs.

It is entirely possible that this is how your ex boyfriend viewed you in your relationship if you were too overbearing with how you texted him.

Above I mentioned how an ideal texting ratio between a couple should be 1:1.

Meaning their text messages should look something like this,

Notice how this string of text messages follows the classic 1:1 text ratio meaning,

• One person texts
• The other person responds
• One person texts
• The other person responds

One of the best ways to determine if you were a text gnat or not is to look at your last 100 text messages between you and your ex.

If the ratio is close to 50:50 (it can be a little off here or there but has to be close) then that means that you are doing well to stand by that 1:1 ratio.

If for example, the texting ratio ends up being something like 70:30 where you have sent him 70 text messages and he has only responded to 30 of those text messages then that probably means you are venturing into text gnat territory where you are becoming kind of overbearing.

Why Being A Text Gnat Annoys Men

One word,

Desperation

Someone who is a text gnat screams desperation and no guy wants a serious relationship with a woman who is desperate. They want a serious relationship with a woman who is confident enough to know that she actively chose to be with a guy.

Have I ever been text gnatted before?

Absolutely.

In fact, I remember a long time ago there was one girl who had such a crush on me that she would text gnat the heck out of me. Now, I don’t really like hurting anyone’s feelings so I didn’t have the guts to tell her that I didn’t like her “in that way.” So, when she would text me I simply wouldn’t respond hoping she would get the hint.

She didn’t…

She kept texting me to the point where it really started annoying me and I eventually had to say something to her.

Why was her gnatting such a turn off to me?

Because she seemed totally desperate and if I am going to be attracted to anyone it was going to be a woman who is smart, independent and NOT desperate.

Clingy Behavior 2- Extreme Jealousy

I personally believe that a little jealousy is good in every relationship.

Why?

Because it shows how much you care about each other. Of course, jealousy can become very dangerous if it starts to develop on an extreme level.

What do I mean by “extreme level?”

I suppose a role playing example would be best to illustrate this.

Lets say that you and I are currently in the middle of a relationship. As our relationship wears on I begin to notice that you get jealous any time I mention another girl.

“Hey, my friend Tina texted me today and told me that she is hosting a party and she wanted us to come.”

Now, a normal girlfriend should be excited about the prospect of going to a party with her boyfriend.

You, however, aren’t a normal girlfriend. No, you are the insecure controlling type (not really hopefully.)

Instead of being excited about the party you get angry at me for texting another girl and accuse me of cheating.

“Who is this Tina? How did you meet her? When was the last time you saw her? Are you cheating on me?”

“Tina is an old friend (a married mother of two.) I met her through work. I haven’t seen her in years and no, I am not cheating on you.”

My answers aren’t good enough for you though.

You become so threatened by Tina that you forbid me to ever text another girl for the rest of my life. In fact, if you ever catch me texting another girl throughout our relationship you threaten to break up with me.

Wow…

You are psycho.

Why Extreme Jealousy Annoys Men

In my opinion, extreme jealousy has a direct correlation to a woman trying to control a man and nothing annoys a man more than a woman who tries to control him.

Look, we chose to be in a relationship with you. We chose to become exclusive with you. However, that doesn’t give you the right to try to control us. If you show us a little trust it can go a long way.

Nothing says,

“I don’t trust you”

like extreme jealousy/controlling does.

Clingy Behavior 3- Shadowing

I have only heard of one example of shadowing in my personal life but I have heard of multiple examples through this site which is why I know it exists.

So, what is shadowing?

Shadowing- Becoming so dependent on another human being that you have to be around them all the time. In some cases it is so extreme that you can’t even let them leave a room without you going by their side. It is an extreme form of being controlling.

If you are still a little confused when it comes to this concept don’t feel bad, it is a little complicated to grasp.

Perhaps it would be best if I used the example from my personal life to illustrate.

When I was in high school a very long time ago I knew a guy that would get angry at his girlfriend for the dumbest things. I remember he once told me that when he was over at her house she left the room without him.

When I heard this I was baffled at why he would have to accompany her if she simply wanted to leave the room.

Me: “Was she leaving you alone in her house permanently or something?”

Him: “No, she just wanted to get a drink in the other room.”

Me: “Are you kidding me?”

Him: “She should have asked my permission to leave the room.”

Me: “Why? It’s her house not yours?”

Him: “She is my girlfriend. It’s disrespectful.”

What we have here is a case of someone who is so insecure that he wouldn’t even let his girlfriend leave the room without him. Look, I get being so in love with someone that you hate it when you are apart. However, if you have become so clingy or controlling that you literally have to go with them from room to room then that is a big issue.

Of course, that example was an extreme form of shadowing.

Some of the more common forms of shadowing I have seen is the classic invasion of alone time.

Look, sometimes men need their alone time where you aren’t constantly badgering them with questions or the latest drama that went on at work. We need time to recharge sometimes before we can consume everything you want us to consume.

Oh, and when a guy tells you that he wants to hang out with his friends don’t get angry if he doesn’t invite you. If you feel the need to accompany him everywhere he goes then that is a form of shadowing and he isn’t going to appreciate it.

Why Shadowing Annoys Men

Do you know what the definition of a stalker is?

Stalker- a person who harasses someone with unwanted and obsessive attention

Every time you “shadowed” your boyfriend in your relationship you were technically a stalker.

Think about it, if your ex wanted to have a guys night out with his friends but you insisted on tagging along you were harassing him with unwanted attention which is technically the same behavior a stalker engages in.

If you were so insecure that you couldn’t even let him have an hour on his own to recharge his batteries then you are technically defined as a talker.

In other words,

Shadowing = Stalking

Oh, and the last time I checked no one likes stalkers.

Clingy Behavior 4- Controlling

I deal with a lot of failed relationships every day.

That means that every day whenever I read your comments on this site I can kind of get bummed out because, to me, it sometimes feels as if all I see are failed relationships. Lately, in an effort to change this I have been reading up a lot about the most successful relationships so I can get some positivity back in my life which in turn will help me give out better advice.

You want to know what I am learning about successful relationships?

Neither person involved in the relationship tries to control the other person. Rather they work together as a team to discuss their issues.

It baffles me to this day why some women feel the need to control their boyfriends.

Look, I want you to get something through your head.

You cannot control another human being. It is impossible.

The only way that you could ever try to control another human being is if you had developed some type of superpower like “mind control” but since no one in the history of the world has ever developed a power like that I am afraid you are out of luck.

Why Controlling Behavior Annoys Men

I think it’s best if I use myself as an example here.

The thing about me is that I am the most loyal man you will ever meet. Whenever I am in a relationship with someone I don’t let anyone threaten that relationship.

For example, if you and I were dating and one of your friends texted that she wanted to hang out with me (when you weren’t around) I would respond like this,

In other words, I am basically saying that the only time I would hang around other girls is if my girlfriend (you in this imaginary case) was there. I feel this is an extremely rare quality in men now-a-days and it also says a lot about my character.

So, lets pretend that you are really insecure about other girls around me, even though I have proven to you multiple times that I am the most trustworthy man on the planet.

In fact, you have become so insecure about other women that you constantly try to control me and basically order me to never talk to any of them ever again.

This is going to annoy me on a lot of different levels because not only are you essentially saying that you don’t trust me but I also feel I have been completely loyal to you and you don’t appreciate that at all. Not to mention you are trying to control me and no man likes being controlled.

In fact, most of the time by you controlling a man you push him to do the behavior you don’t want him to in the first place.

How Do You Save Face With Your Ex If You Were Clingy?

Now that you have a pretty good idea of what clingy behavior is and why it annoys men lets take a look at what you are going to have to do in order to overcome that clingy behavior to have a chance at getting your ex boyfriend back.

Many of you are aware that I am a fan of putting graphics together for this site. Well, below you will find a graphic that i put together that will teach you how to overcome his reservations about taking you back because of your clingy nature.

As you can see I have divided the process up into four separate parts,

1. Understanding how you are perceived.
2. Giving him time.
3. Reclaiming your identity.
4. The new you.

Now, before I get started on explaining what I mean by these four pillars I feel it is very important to discuss the point of what we are trying to accomplish here.

One thing we already know is that you want your ex boyfriend back. However, it doesn’t look like that is going to happen since you were way too clingy. Well, in order to have a chance at winning him back you are first going to have to overcome his impression of you (he thinks you are clingy.)

The point of this section is to show you what you have to do in order to achieve that goal.

Oh, and don’t worry, once I show you how you can do that I will guide through every step of the actual “getting him back” process.

For now, lets get cracking on these four pillars.

Pillar 1- Understanding How You Are Perceived

If the main goal that we are trying to accomplish here is overcoming your exes impression of you then it is probably a really good idea to figure out what that impression is.

For example, if you and I dated each other and I was constantly telling you how I hated the fact that you were always trying to control me then you would know that the clingy behavior that you would really have to work on is to NOT be controlling.

In other words, what we are trying to do here is to figure out what behaviors you exhibited that needs to change for you to even have a shot of getting him back.

How are you supposed to figure this out?

Well, a little empathy can certainly help but there is actually a better way.

I want you to think back to your fights and arguments with your ex. You see, if there is one thing I have learned over the years it’s that anger has a way of extracting the thoughts you have that you know you shouldn’t really say. So, when you think back to you and your exes fights what was it about you that he was complaining about that could be classified as clingy.

(Disclaimer- We are only looking for clingy behavior here. Anything ridiculous that he complained about that isn’t clingy you shouldn’t change.)

Using a personal example from my own life I can think of one off the top of my head.

While I never actually was in a relationship with this person (I never even went a date with her actually) she exhibited some super clingy behavior from the get go that made me immediately want to not talk to her.

What was her clingy behavior?

Any time I wouldn’t respond to a text message she would send she would grow frustrated and berate me with insults. Look, sometimes I don’t respond to my text messages right away (sometimes I don’t at all if I don’t like the person.) However, usually I always get around to it. If this girl was more patient we probably wouldn’t have had a problem. But she wasn’t…

I immediately classified her behavior as clingy and controlling and I did not want a presence like that in my life.

Do you have an idea of what clingy behaviors you have exhibited in the past with your ex?

If you don’t then you need to find out immediately.

Pillar 2- Giving Him Time

Most women fall into the clingy trap after a breakup occurs with their boyfriend.

What is this trap?

They call, text or skype their ex so much that it can sometimes go beyond regular clingyness.

If you need a refresher on how creepy this can be take a look at the very first picture I posted on this page of the woman who called her ex 77,000 times after her breakup with him.

A year or two ago one of my friends told me something really interesting about relationships.

In most relationships men put the most effort into making the relationship happen. However, once the relationship has already commenced then the women take over from there and do everything in their power to keep the relationship going.

While I am sure there are exceptions to this rule I have found it oddly accurate.

You see, men can sometimes have this nasty habit of getting comfortable in a relationship. In other words, they grow lazy and spoiled and get used to women doing everything for them. As a result, when a breakup occurs they almost expect that YOU are going to be the one that contacts them first begging for a second chance.

By being clingy and needy with phone calls or texts you are playing right into what they already believe is going to happen.

If I am being completely honest with you it annoys me when I see women begging for their exes back because to me that means they don’t know their own value.

Men aren’t attracted to neediness, they are attracted to women who know their value, women who know they can replace him in a heartbeat (kind of like that Beyonce song irreplaceable.)

So, rather than playing right into what he already believes is going to happen after a breakup (you getting all clingy with phone calls) I would recommend that you do the exact opposite of that. You should do what a strong woman would do, not contact him at all.

Many of you are aware of my thoughts on the no contact rule. Well, I am of the mind that giving your ex space (after you have been clingy) is the smartest thing you can do.

Why?

Men have this constant need to feel admired by women. Of course, when you shower a man with constant attention that attention is going to lose some of its value over time because he is going to get used to it.

By doing a no contact rule for either 21 or 30 days (depending on the situation) you are going to accomplish two things.

Thing 1- Giving Him Time To Cool Down

Here’s a fun question.

Who do you think has a better chance at getting her ex back,

A girl who tries to get her ex boyfriend back when he is extremely upset with her?

or

A girl who tries to get her ex boyfriend back when he is not that angry at her?

If you guessed the girl who tries to get her boyfriend back when he is not that angry then you guessed right. The no contact rule is perfect for giving your ex boyfriend time to cool down which in turn is going to increase your chances to seem less clingy and also get him back.

Thing 2- Gives YOU Time To Reshape Your Image

I am going to be talking about this a lot more in-depth in the next section but for now I can give you a little teaser of whats to come.

While you are using the no contact rule to give your ex time to cool down you can also be using it as a way to get rid of your clingy habits and reshape your image so that your ex no longer views you as clingy.

In other words, you can use it for self improvement.

Pillar 3- The New You

Self improvement is key if you don’t want to be looked at as clingy or needy anymore.

It’s funny, I was scrolling through Facebook the other day and noticed one of those overused motivational quotes that always seem to get shared.

It said something like,

Your amazing just the way you are…

On the surface it’s a really nice sentiment isn’t it?

However, when you sit down and really peel back the layers you will find that, that quote has a flaw.

It is essentially saying that it’s ok to be the way you are and you don’t have to change or improve for anyone.

Well, I take offense to that because I personally believe that self improvement should be something every human being should strive for. I mean, what is wrong with wanting to become a better version of yourself?

Now, I am not saying you should compromise your morals or do something your not comfortable with but I think it is completely ok to want to be a better version of yourself.

Since this is a page dedicated to eliminating neediness lets focus on how you can improve yourself if your neediness is tied directly to your own insecurities.

Dealing With Your Insecurities

A lot of clingy behaviors can be traced directly back to our own insecurities.

For example, we often get overly jealous because we are afraid our significant other might cheat on us. How about the fact that a lot of women don’t believe they are good enough for their boyfriends so they shower them with too much attention which can be viewed as clingy.

Getting rid of these types of insecurities can be quite tricky.

I mean, you can try to turn your feelings off as much as possible but in the end we are all human beings and not robots. We can’t help but feel jealousy and insignificance from time to time.

So, what I would like to teach you is the method I try to employ when dealing with my own personal insecurities.

(Yes, you will get to hear my own insecurities about relationships right here, right now.)

I would have to say that without a doubt the biggest insecurity I have when it comes to relationships would be the fear of being cheated on.

How did this insecurity develop?

When I was in High School I remember the first girl I asked out very clearly. You see, I liked her and she liked me, or so I thought.

Turns out she liked someone else and was just using me for fun. So, the day I asked her out she explained to me that she didn’t like me in “that way.” I’ll admit I was a little bummed out but I took it in stride and didn’t cause any unnecessary drama.

The very next day I found out that she started dating another guy, someone who she had been pursuing since I started pursuing her.

While she didn’t cheat on me it was my first experience with deception and I did not like how it felt.

As I gained more experience in dealing with the opposite sex I learned more and more about how women could sometimes use deception to get away with things. In fact, I became so frightened of being deceived that I started plotting out worse case scenarios in my head and trying to figure out if I would be able to survive if it ever occurred to me.

By far the worst deception I could think of was infidelity and it scared me.

Unfortunately, this site doesn’t help that insecurity at all when I come face to face with infidelity on a daily basis. You see, it has the ability to make you a little paranoid and that can be extremely unhealthy.

However, I figured out an excellent way to deal with this insecurity so it doesn’t make me exhibit clingy behavior.

You see, the fear of infidelity can sometimes cause you to get jealous over unnecessary things. This means that for me I can sometimes get touchy when other men are introduced into the equation around my relationship. So, rather than getting overly jealous I am always telling myself that I am setting such a high standard that no other man can compare.

Whats even better is that I am using my insecurity to force me to set that type of high standard.

You see, as long as I keep that standard so far out of reach for other men I have nothing to worry about because my significant other would literally have to be an idiot to stray.

In other words, I find a way to use my insecurities as a strength.

Pillar 4- Reclaiming Your Identity

I am about to make you aware of the ultimate form of neediness.

Some women become so enthralled with their relationship that they lose themselves in it.

For example, lets say that before you met your ex boyfriend you had a long list of hobbies,

• Running
• Watching movies
• Painting
• Swimming

However, as you fell deeper into the relationship you slowly but surely started losing your hobbies. Whats worse is you adopted all of your exes hobbies.

Now, there are two trains of thoughts when it comes to stuff like this.

Thought 1- It’s sweet that you can fall so deeply in love with someone that their passions become yours.

Thought 2- It’s dangerous to fall so deeply in love that you lose yourself in that person.

I personally believe that it’s ok to adopt your significant others hobbies as long as you don’t lose yourself in the process. It’s not ok to just stop something that you love (your hobbies) to make room for all of your boyfriends or husbands hobbies.

Remember, your ex boyfriend fell in love with you, the girl with her own hobbies.

He didn’t fall for the girl that stole his…

Have you ever heard that famous quote,

Age is just a number?

Well, in my experience that quote isn’t always accurate. Sure, technically speaking age is just a number. However, when it comes to relationships age is a way in which you can gauge how experienced and mature a partner is.

For example, a boy who is 16 years old is going to have a different view of relationships as compared to a man who is 36 years old.

But what about a couple who has a massive age difference?

I can’t tell you how many times I have encountered a situation where the man is significantly older than the woman and the woman comes to Ex Boyfriend Recovery looking for a way to win her man back.

In fact, about a month ago I encountered this exact situation and was asked a pretty interesting question,

Is the process of getting an ex boyfriend back the same if there is a pretty big age difference between the couple?

Actually, yes the process is pretty much the same. However, there are some differences here and there. Well, this guide is going to be focusing on the overall process of getting your boyfriend back and giving you some insight into how you should handle your age difference.

Men And The Different Stages Of Life

In the introduction to this guide I made a pretty interesting point about age difference.

What was it that I said?

A boy who is 16 years old is going to have a different view of relationships as compared to a man who is 36 years old.

If you want incredible insight into your ex and the age difference between the two of you then it’s probably a good idea to first take a look at the stage of life that your ex is currently in. Now, I mostly deal with women whose boyfriends are in the 20-30 year old range. However, I do realize that there are also a lot of other readers out there whose boyfriends are either younger or older than the “average.”

So, as a result I am going to be taking you through the different phases of life that men go through and how it correlates to their age.

Still a bit confused at what I am trying to accomplish here?

Well, take a look at the graphic below.

As you can see I have divided the phases men go through into four different stages,

1. The Immature Phase
2. The Party Phase
3. The Post Party Phase
4. The “Ready” Phase

You may have also noticed that I put the ages that correspond with the phases under the titles depicting the phases.

As usual I am going to take a moment (a long moment) to explain what men are thinking during these four different stages.

The Immature Phase

(16 – 19 Years Old )

Ah, the good ole high school years…

I have always found this phase to be especially interesting because it is at this age that kids start to crave independence and always claim,

“I already know everything I am supposed to know about life.”

The ironic part is that most kids this age don’t know anything about life.

I mean, take a 16 year old boy who just got his first girlfriend for example.

It’s his first girlfriend so it’s probably the first time he will experience feelings of love and selflessness. Of course, it will also be the first time that he encounters feelings like lust, jealousy and love based anger. Asking someone who is experiencing these very intense feelings for the first time to sustain a long and healthy relationship can be a very tricky task.

Why do you think most high school sweethearts don’t end up together?

It’s because most of the time they are experiencing these very intense emotions for the first time and most don’t know how to handle them properly, they have to practice at it for a little bit.

The best analogy I can think of to describe this phenomenon would be like when you learn a new skill for the first time.

Hmm…

Lets say that you wanted to learn how to dance for the first time.

(Fun Side Note: I realize I am writing on a website full of women who are probably phenomenal dancers but I am a horrible one so just pretend you are me for a second, ok.)

Well, the very first time you try to dance you probably aren’t going to be very good right? However, after some practice you are going to get better and better at it until eventually you grow so confident that you kind of consider yourself an expert.

The same principle applies to dating in a way.

Most people aren’t going to be the best they can be during their very first few relationships. However, after they gain some more experience through dating or watching others in similar situations they learn what it takes to succeed.

What It Means If Your Ex Boyfriend Is In This Age Range

Well, there is good news and bad news if your ex boyfriend is in this age range.

Which do you want first?

(Personally, I always like the bad news first.)

Bad News

The bad news is that your ex boyfriend is in an extremely immature phase of his life. While I am not saying that he can’t change it is unlikely that he will.

So, lets say that you do end up getting your ex boyfriend back. Well, if most of the problems in your past relationship with him was caused by him then it is unlikely that he is going to “fix his act” the second time around.

Why?

Because he probably has to experience more in order to learn how he should treat women properly.

Of course, for every bit of bad news in this phase there is a bit of good news as well.

Good News

The good news is that men in this age range (16 – 19 years old) tend to be more open to a reconciliation.

In other words, you probably won’t have to try as hard if you want to get your man back.

The Party Phase

(20 – 24 Years Old)

What’s after high school?

College, right?

Now, I know I have a diverse amount of readers from all over the world here so this may not be true for every college but in America there is one thing that we always seem to associate with college…

Parties!

I mean, just take a look at some of our greatest comedy movies,

Old School

Old School is about a group of older men (Will Ferrell, Luke Wilson, Vince Vaughn) who go back to college, form fraternity, relive their glory days and essentially have some of the wildest parties ever.

Neighbors

Neighbors is about a young couple who have just had their first child and bought their first house. The problem is that the house that they bought turns out to be right next to a college fraternity that is known for having the wildest parties on campus. Craziness ensues as the couple tries everything they can to get them banned from the neighborhood.

Do You See A Trend Here?

College = Parties.

This means that most young men in that college age range (20 – 24 years old) tend to gravitate towards wild things like parties.

And why not?

I mean, they are young, immature, it’s fun and no one on their death bed is going to sit there and say,

“I wish I hadn’t went out and had more fun.”

What It Means If Your Ex Boyfriend Is In This Age Range

Here’s the thing.

Men who go out partying every night probably aren’t the best candidates for boyfriend of the year.

Why?

I think it’s safe to say that I have a lot of experience in dealing with relationships. I have seen a lot of stuff as a result of this site. You want to know the thing that I have learned about people who have successful relationships?

They don’t go out partying all the time.

Sure, going to a party here and there is always good for spicing things up but for the most part the two people in the relationship are so dedicated to each other that they treat the relationship like its the most precious thing in the world.

Now, I don’t know about you but a guy who goes out partying or clubbing all the time is putting himself in a position where he is going to be hit on by other women, where he may hit on other women, where he can get drunk and make a fool of himself and where he can cheat. The list really goes on and on.

My point is simple, if you are trying to get an ex boyfriend back that is in this “party phase” you may want to take a step back and ask yourself,

“Will I be able to put up with him until this phase ends? Will I be able to trust him if he is out alone or with his friend? Do I want a serious relationship with him or is this just a “phase” for me?”

I believe in doing things in the best manner that you possibly can and if you are going to attempt to get him back when he is in this phase you need to be aware of what you may be getting into with your ex if he is in this phase.

What Your Ex Is Going To Be Like In This Phase

• He is going to want to go to parties.  (If you do get him back make sure you accompany him to these parties. Make it fun as a couple!)
• If you are not into parties then that could be an issue if he is. (You may have to adapt and learn to like them.)
• You need to remember that your ex is still maturing in this phase. (men mature slower than women.)
• If your ex parties a lot (his whole life revolves around parties) then remember that he is a higher risk than normal of cheating (this is based on what I have seen through this site.)

The Post Party Phase

(25 – 27 Years Old)

This is really the phase that separates the men from the boys.

You see, after college most men start their careers (or attempt to start their careers.) Well, this is when they try to get more serious about the rest of their life which of course includes relationships. Instead of jumping from girl to girl like they used to do in their party days they begin to take a quality approach as opposed to a quantity one.

Here’s the thing though, there will always be a certain segment of men who refuse to abide by societies rules of getting that 9 to 5 job, a white picket fence, getting married and having a couple of kids.

I like to call these men,

“The Resistant.”

What Are The Resistant?

I want you to picture an older man in his early 50’s in a bar full of college kids. The older gentleman is drinking, hitting on much younger girls and doing everything he can to relive the glory days. In other words, this man never matured past the partying phase of his life. In fact, he is so resistant to this maturing that he will do anything he can to hold on to the way things used to be with all the booze, girls and parties.

The resistant is almost like Peter Pan.

You remember how Peter Pan would always say that he never wanted to grown up, right?

Well, the resistant never wants to grow up from his partying phase. He will do anything he possibly can to hold on to that time of his life. In fact, sometimes his need to hold on can become so bad that he will find that he has turned into the creepy old man at a bar hitting on college kids.

Of course, most men in the post party phase don’t hold on to their partying ways. In fact, most men are the opposite of the resistant.

How Most Men Act In The Post Party Phase

What is the age range I set for the post party phase?

25 – 27 years old, right?

This means that most men this age are getting out of college and starting their careers.

In other words, their lives are progressing towards a much more serious path.

They probably want to do well in their careers and have matured enough to take relationships more seriously.

Now, just because they have some more maturity under their belt that doesn’t mean that they still won’t have some more maturing to do. The first few years in the “real world” for a lot of people can be pretty rough. Daily stresses like bills, workplace dramas and any other number of things can pile up and cause men to react in multiple different ways.

Some men will take these issues head on and overcome them while others will hide with alcohol and more parties to make themselves feel better.

My point is simple, the post party phase is really what matures boys into men and that is a really good thing because the majority of men do end up maturing into something special, someone who is ready for a lifelong commitment.

The “Ready” Phase

(28 – 35+ Years Old)

Here’s a fun fact.

Did you know that the average age for a man to get married in the United States is 29 years old?

(It’s 27 for women in case you are wondering.)

By any chance did you happen to see the ages of the “ready” phase?

(28 – 35+)

Do you think that it’s a coincidence that the “ready” phase falls in line perfectly with the average age that a man is ready to get settled down with someone?

It’s not.

So, why is it that during the “ready” phase that a man is looking for a serious commitment?

Why Are Men So Ready During This Phase?

I think a lot of factors have to line up perfectly for a man in order for him to feel like he is ready for a lifelong commitment like marriage.

Off the top of my head here are a few of the most popular factors that have to line up.

• He has to feel like he has lived his life.
• No more grass is greener syndrome.
• A comfortable career.
• He has to want to either get married or be in a serious relationship.
• He has to feel like he has found “the one.”

You want more substance about these factors than that?

…. Sigh…

Fine, take a look below :p .

Factor 1- He Has To Feel Like He Has Lived His Life

What I am about to say is going to be a bit controversial and some of you may not like it but I feel like a lot of men think like this so its important that you know.

Marriage is a beautiful thing.

Essentially you are making a promise to someone that you are going to remain committed to them for the rest of your life. Yes, YOU are making a conscious decision to tell the person you love more than anything that they will be their one and only until death.

Stop and think about that for a second.

Marriage is a promise until death (A very serious promise that shouldn’t ever be taken lightly.)

In order for a man to feel like he is ready to get married he has to feel like he has lived his life because the second he says his vows to you in his mind his life is over in a way.

Now, you may have read that and took it the wrong way so let me expand.

When I say his life is over I am not talking about him going into some marriage jail where you are the jailer. No, I am talking about his past life of parties and flings with women here or there. When he marries you he knows that, that part of his life is over as YOU essentially become his life.

If he feels like he has lived his life and had some fun when he was younger he isn’t going to go into a marriage with any regrets.

Factor 2- No More Grass Is Greener Syndrome

You know what the grass is greener syndrome is right?

For those of you who are too lazy to click on the link I just provided (which I am betting is most of you) the grass is greener syndrome is basically something that men and women can get when they think they can do better than their significant other.

For example, lets pretend for one moment that the two of us are dating. No, lets take things a step further and say that you were the best girlfriend that I have ever had. However, throughout the relationship I couldn’t shake this feeling that I could do a little better than you.

This in essence is what the grass is greener syndrome is, it’s this feeling in the pit of a guys stomach that tells him that he could do just a little bit better than you.

So, this begs an interesting question, for men who have the grass is greener syndrome does it ever go away?

Actually yes!

As men date around or gain more experience they begin to get an idea of what they want in a relationship.

Some men may be super vain and only want women for their physical features. Others may want women for their emotional support. My point is simple, all those phases before the “ready” phase serve a very important purpose, they help men figure out what they want out of a relationship.

During the “ready” phase men have acquired enough experience to understand what they are looking for. Of course, with experience in dating comes knowledge and with knowledge comes the realization that no one is perfect.

All human beings are flawed individuals. The older you get the more you realize this fact.

In essence, the idea that the grass could be greener on the other side fades away and men start to accept women for how they are (flaws and all.)

Factor 3- A Comfortable Career

Back in caveman days men were looked at as the hunters and women were looked at as the gatherers.

While the human race has become a lot more civilized the principle that men are supposed to be hunters still holds true in a weird way.

You see, most men are taught from a young age that we have to provide. Men have this innate belief that they are the ones that has to support their family. While more women than ever are entering the workforce in order to lend a hand to finances a mans belief that he has to be the one to provide still holds strong.

It’s interesting.

When you run a website about breakups you hear a lot of stories at how things went wrong in relationships. One that springs to mind here are the men that lose their jobs. You see, not only is losing a job stressful because all of a sudden your finances are in shambles but it demasculates a man into believing that he doesn’t have any worth any more because he can’t provide.

If that doesn’t tell you how important “providing” is to a man that I don’t know what will.

The overall point here is simple, between the ages of (28 – 35+) men are starting to settle into their careers and become successful. They are starting to gain some independence financially and probably feel like they can provide for a family. In other words, they start to become “ready.”

Factor 4- He Has To Want To Get Married or Be Serious

I can’t lie to you.

Some men don’t want to get married and don’t want to be in a serious relationship because they haven’t matured enough. I talked a little about this in the post party phase where men want to hold on to their old tendencies and refuse to mature.

In order for a man to be ready for a serious relationship or commitment like marriage he has to want it.

Look, I can only draw upon my own experience here so I am just going to tell you how I feel about serious relationships and commitments like marriage.

Personally, I think they are the greatest thing in the world.

Take marriage for example.

The idea that I could have a family that I could call my own is very appealing to me. In fact, the thought of it can make me emotional at times (and I am not an emotional person.) I mean, I realize that sometimes having a family means you can’t go out and have fun anymore because you have to be fully committed to doing things like raising children and making sure the family unit stays strong. However, despite all that it still appeals to me.

Most men are afraid of families for the simple fact that it is going to be a shell shock going from their exciting single life to their boring family life.

I don’t know though, while I do like excitement and things of that nature I almost feel as if the boring family life is nicer in a strange way.

Boring appeals to me!

So, I imagine that if a guy feels like I do about serious relationships, marriage or starting a family then he would be “ready.”

Factor 5- He Has To Feel Like He’s Found The One

Deep in the recesses of every mans mind is an idea of “the one.”

The One- The one person in the world that you are meant to be with. Your perfect match.

In order for a man to feel ready to enter into a serious relationship or commitment like marriage he has to feel like he has found “the one.”

Look, a lifelong commitment like marriage can be a scary prospect since it essentially means that your life is going to be committed to one person until you die (assuming no divorce happens.) Well, that thought can scare the hell out of a lot of men.

Of course, the exception are the men who think they have found “the one.”

All of a sudden, that giant commitment becomes a lot easier.

How are you supposed to know if a man thinks he has found the one?

• As it turns out there are a few signs you can be on the lookout for,
• He treats the woman like a goddess (better than anyone has ever treated her in her life.)
• He never wavers and won’t be afraid to end relationships with close friends who are women if they make his significant other uncomfortable.
• He allows himself to be vulnerable like he has never been vulnerable before.
• He is willing to work through almost anything (some exceptions like cheating or bad lies may be too much no matter what though.)
• He will know in his gut that he has found “the one” and never question that.

This site is mostly focused on helping women get their ex boyfriends back. Thus, it makes sense that most of the things I write for it are geared towards an audience of women who are desperate to win back their man. Of course, every once in a while I get bold and decide to go the opposite route and talk to the general population about general relationship topics.

This is one of those times.

One of the most popular “guides” on my website has to do with long distance and how to win back a boyfriend if the two of you broke up. Well, lets imagine for a moment that you were in a long distance relationship with an ex boyfriend and you just happened to get him back.

What are you supposed to do after you get him back?

You are both still long distance and will likely have many of the same problems that caused you to break up in the first place.

What is it that you can do differently the second time around to make this thing work?

That’s what this guide is going to be all about, how to make a long distance relationship work.

The Problem With Long Distance Relationships

Take it from someone who has been in a long distance relationship before, they aren’t easy…

If you have truly fallen for someone then you want nothing more than to be next to them all the time. Of course, if you are long distance it’s kind of impossible to do that and therein lies our problem.

The Problem = No Physical Contact

One of the best parts about dating someone new for the first time is that you often can’t take your hands off each other.

• You hold hands…
• Kiss…
• Cuddle…
• Have passionate hugs…
• I think you get the idea.

My point is simple, in a long distance relationship you only get to do those things in short bursts. For example, lets say that you and I were in a long distance relationship and we only see each other for a few days every single month. Well, we would get to do the things listed above during those days we have together but then all of a sudden when we are separated its a bit shocking because all of a sudden you are taken away from the thing you want most in the world.

Now, I suppose an argument can be made that “absence does make the heart grow fonder.” However, absence also can caused weak minded individuals to stray from the relationship. I believe this is the “out of sight out of mind” mindset.

So, which is more likely to happen in a LDR (long distance relationship?)

“Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder” Vs. “Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind”

Before I tackle this age old question and how it relates to LDR’s lets take a moment to define what each of these quotes mean.

Lets start with,

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

This basically means that the less you see someone the more you will want to see them. For example, if you and I were in a long distance relationship and we saw each other only twice a month then we would both probably want so badly to see each other for the next months two days during the “absent period” that our feelings for each other would grow.

Of course, there will always be those people that absence has the opposite effect on.

“Out of sight, out of mind.”

The idea behind this quote is that the less you see of someone the more likely you are to look elsewhere for the “physical benefits” if you catch my drift. Again, lets pretend that we have a long distance relationship and see each other only two days every month. Well, turns out that those two days aren’t enough for you and you begin to stray and end up cheating on me because I was never around due to the distance.

So, out of these two quotes which is more likely to happen.

Which Quote More Accurately Describes Long Distance Relationships?

Both actually.

Obviously a lot of it depends on the two individuals in the relationship and how committed they are to making it work. However, from my vast experience dealing with a lot of different long distance situations on this site I would have to say that both quotes are extremely accurate.

In fact, they almost form a hybrid quote,

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder… unless it’s too long… and then it’s out of sight out of mind.”

So, what does this hybrid quote mean?

Simple, absence often makes the heart grow fonder. However, if you stay absent for too long then it’s likely that the other person is going to stray.

For example, I had a woman comment here on the site once that she cheated on her (now) ex boyfriend.

Why did she cheat?

Well, it turns out that they were in a long distance relationship and her (now) ex boyfriend just stopped paying attention to her. In effect, he became totally absent and she didn’t like that very much. Eventually he became so absent that she started to stray and eventually ended up cheating on him with one of her guy friends.

So, his absence made her heart grow fond at first until she couldn’t take the absence anymore and decided to do something to “dull the pain.”

This begs an interesting question.

What is the best way to ensure that the absence doesn’t grow so bad that your significant other strays?

I’m glad you asked!

The Importance Of A Consistent Routine

One of the most interesting aspects of relationships is how a couple gets into a routine.

For example, a common routine for a couple in a long distance relationship would be to text each other all day and then call, FaceTime or Skype each other at night. These types of routines are good because it gives each person something to look forward to each and every day.

Of course, the problem with this routine in a long distance relationship is that even though each person is paying attention to one another constantly there still isn’t any physical contact being made.

Remember what I said above during the “absence makes the heart grow fonder” vs. “out of sight, out of mind” argument above?

In order for a LDR to thrive physical contact needs to be made consistently.

Now, this is where the actual distance between the couple comes into play.

The Two Couple Example

I would like to take a moment and illustrate an important point about routine and distance by using two examples of couples. Each couple is in a long distance relationship and is separated by a certain amount of distance.

1. Couple 1 is separated by 100 miles
2. Couple 2 is separated by 1000 miles

So, the question I want to pose to you is how often should each of these couples get into the routine of seeing each other in person?

Couple 1- 100 Miles

While being separated by your significant other by 100 miles is certainly considered long distance it isn’t like you are being separated by 1000 miles like the other example I am about to pose. I think it is fair to say that a couple separated by 100 miles should be seeing each other in person 2-4 times a month.

So, if we were to draw up a “perfect LDR routine” for a couple who is separated by 100 miles it would look like this:

• The two people would text each other throughout the day (building a strong emotional connection.)
• At the end of the day (or even throughout the day) the couple should call each other, FaceTime or Skype.
• Every week or every other week the two people should take turns visiting each other (face to face) to strengthen their physical connection.

Lets take a look at a more complicated relationship, a LDR where the couple is separated by thousands of miles.

Couple 2- 1000 Miles

When it comes to long distance relationships a couple who is separated by a thousand miles has it pretty rough.

Why?

Because, traveling across the country or into another country can be quite expensive. I mean, it’s not like you can just drive a couple of hours and see them every weekend. No, in order to see your better half you have to buy a plane ticket and make sure both of your schedules are cleared.

So, what is an ideal number for the amount of times a “1000 mile LDR couple” should see each other in person?

At least one time a month…

Lets draw up a “perfect” routine for this couple now:

• The two people text each other throughout the day (strengthens emotional connection.)
• The two people call/FaceTime/Skype each other a bit more frequently than the 100 mile couple above.
• At least once a month this LDR couple should take turns visiting each other.

The One Thing No One Talks About With LDR’S

Long distance relationships have a very interesting aspect to them that I don’t hear that many people mention.

What is this aspect?

They cost money!

Hmm… how can I put this in a way so you understand.

Ok, which couple do you think is more likely to have a successful LDR.

A couple in which both people have established careers in which they earn a decent amount of income every year?

or

A couple where both people are just out of high school where they don’t have much money at all?

If you guessed the couple with the established careers then you would be right.

But why?

It’s quite simple really. Seeing your better half if you are separated by a considerable amount of distance is going to cost money.

Lets use the two couple example I gave in the last section (100 miles vs 1000 miles.)

It’s pretty much common sense that the 1000 mile couple is going to have to pay a lot more since plane tickets can cost a lot of money. Of course, don’t discount the fact that gassing up your car to drive one hundred miles to see your significant other is going to set you back a bit financially as well.

It is my firm belief that in order for a LDR to work both parties have to be willing to spend money to see each other and for some younger couples this isn’t really an option (I am looking at you high school couples.) Now, am I saying that your LDR relationship is completely doomed if you don’t have money to spend on trips to see your partner?

No.

I am simply saying that if you don’t have money to spend on a trip then it is going to make your LDR that much harder to succeed.

The Role That Time Plays Into A LDR

I have been pretty adamant about the fact that I think LDR couples should get into a consistent routine of seeing each other in person. Well, you know what seeing each other in person requires?

Time.

Lets take the 1000 mile relationship for example. Not only do you have to set time aside every single day to be close to your significant other via texts and phone calls but you have to clear your schedule months in advance for a face to face meeting.

Some couples don’t have this luxury as they work full time and don’t have that many vacation days they can use.

In other words, not only do LDR’s create financial hardships for certain couples but they can also create headwind in the form of time as well.

This leads me to my next point.

You Can’t Stay In A Long Distance Relationship Forever

Out of everything I am going to say in this guide this is without a doubt the most important section.

So, listen up!

Most long distance couples have their heads in the sand when it comes to thinking about the future.

Why?

My guess is that they don’t like to think about the possibility of not being together long term. For example, lets say that you and I are in a long distance relationship and neither of us have the finances or time to be together permanently. In other words, we are stuck where we are and the possibility of seeing each other every day (like most couples) isn’t feasible.

Well, neither of us wants to think about things like that because it hurts too much and we both have strong feelings for each other.

Well, while keeping our heads in the sand will be nice for a little while eventually one of us is going to want a more permanent situation and that is where reality sets in and we realize that we probably aren’t going to work out.

I see this happen with a lot of long distance couples as they don’t have the means to be together permanently.

The Key To A Successful LDR

You want to know what separates the amazing long distance couples from the average ones?

The amazing ones stop at nothing to find a way to be together permanently.

Lets say that you and your long distance boyfriend live across the country from one another (you live in Pennsylvania and your boyfriend lives in Texas.) Well, obviously the two of you should be looking for a more permanent solution where you can be together to see each other in person more frequently.

That means that either you or your boyfriend are going to have to move to each other.

Now, asking someone to pick up their entire life and move to you or you to them is kind of a scary thought which is why most people in a long distance relationship aren’t willing to make the necessary sacrifices.

What sacrifices have to be made to ensure that the relationship is successful?

Sacrifices That Will Have To Be Made For A LDR To Work

You know, most people say things like,

“The key to relationships is compromise.”

or

“The key to marriage is compromise.”

Well, when it comes to LDR’s the key to them is sacrifice. Both people involved have to be willing to make sacrifices in order for it to work.

What kind of sacrifices?

Someone Is Probably Going To Have To Move

I have already established that for a long distance relationship to work there has to be an overarching goal in which the two people involved in the relationship see each other on a daily basis to satisfy each others physical needs. This means that for those couples separated by a considerable amount of distance someone in the relationship is going to have to move to the other one.

This is a sacrifice that scares the hell out of most people.

Why?

Because you are asking someone to leave their friends, family and job for a relationship that has no guarantee of working out.

This is why most long distance relationships fail because someone isn’t willing to make this kind of sacrifice.

You Might Have To Live Together

Lets pretend for a moment that your significant other (who lives in another state) has agreed to make a move to come live in your state. Well, if your better half is willing to make that kind of sacrifice then you might have to be willing to make a sacrifice of your own by living together.

Now, this site is full of women who have a lot of different views on living together. Some of these views are very old fashioned in that some women believe it isn’t right to live together until you get married.

While I personally don’t have any problem with this view if someone is moving across the country for you then it might be disrespectful to them to say,

“Oh, by the way even though your moving across the country for me you are going to have to get your own place and we can’t live together until I see some type of major commitment like marriage.”

Look, if you get another human being to put his or her life behind them to be with you then what greater commitment to your relationship is there than that?

How Age Factors Into LDR’s

This may be a hard section for some of you to hear. However, I feel it is important that you hear it.

Believe it or not but age can play a massive factor in a long distance relationship. Now, I know you are probably sitting there wondering,

“What the heck does age have to do with anything?”

Well, by looking at someones age you can make certain assumptions (which most of the time end up being true.) I know stereotyping isn’t necessarily a good thing but in this case we are going to do so just lay off me for a bit ok .

Two Important Assumptions Based On Age

Really what I want to look at here is how age affects a long distance relationship.

Well, in my experience I have found that age can affect an LDR in two big ways.

What are those two ways?

1. Money
2. Maturity

Money

Lets use two men as an example here. Lets say that one of the men is 30 years old and the other is 18 years old. Both of these men are currently in long distance relationships with someone of a similar age.

Here is the question I pose to you,

Which one of these men is more likely to have more financial stability?

Well, if you look at these men simply based on their age you are going to guess the man who is 30 years old?

Why?

Probably because he is completely finished with his schooling, has settled into a career and he has had a lot more time to save up money. I mean, an 18 year old is still in high school, doesn’t have a career and hasn’t really had any time to save up money.

It probably doesn’t take a genius to realize what I am getting at here.

The older you are in a long distance relationship the more means you have available to you to make things work.

Take a look at the sacrifices I mentioned in the above section (someone is going to have to move, you will have to live together most likely if someone does move.) Well, I know it is easy to get caught up in the romance of a long distance relationship. It’s so nice to plan things out and daydream at how great things can be if you do wind up together with your significant other but eventually reality has to set in and the reality of a long distance relationship is that in order for you to come to a permanent solution where you can have a non long distance relationship with this person you or the person has to have the finances to make it happen.

(It’s not inexpensive to move and getting a place together will certainly cost money.)

An 18 year old kid with no money isn’t going to be able to make those kind of sacrifices.

Lets take a look at the other way age can affect a LDR, maturity.

Maturity

Lets stay with our example of the two men (one aged 18 and one aged 30) for the maturity example.

I am going to ask you a really simple question,

Without knowing these two men (18 year old/ 30 year old) personally which one do you think is the more likely to be mature?

90% of people would probably answer the 30 year old and they would probably be right. Of course, there are always those exceptions to the rule where you find an exceptional person who is wise beyond his or her years but we are stereotyping here, remember?

A 30 year old man is probably going to have a lot more life experience to draw upon which means that he is going to know the best way to handle all kinds of situations. Also, you can’t discount that a 30 year old man has probably been through a number of relationships in his personal life so he will properly know how to handle the feelings he is having.

Lets compare that to an 18 year old boy in high school who doesn’t have much life experience of his own. Why is life experience important for a human being to have?

Because it allows us to find our identities!

It gives us a purpose and teaches us what we want out of life.

Of course, an 18 year old most likely doesn’t have any experience with a serious relationships at all so he will probably be experiencing a lot of new emotions at once and how does that famous saying go?

When emotions run high logic runs low.

Of course, I still haven’t answered the million dollar question yet.

Why is being mature important to a long distance relationship?

A friend of mine told me something really interesting a long time ago.

Being in a relationship is almost like being addicted to a drug. At times it can feel like you can’t breathe without the other person.

I feel that this quote holds true in so many different cases. Of course, your feelings can almost intensify tenfold if you are long distance (remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder .) It takes a very mature individual to be able to deal with the distance and make the decisions necessary to ensure that the relationship thrives and as sad as this is to say I feel that younger people experiencing relationships for the first time are at a disadvantage.

How to Handle Common Long Distance Obstacles

Every relationship has at least one obstacle it has to overcome. Well, it just so happens that long distance relationships have a lot of obstacles.

Hmm…

Perhaps it would be a good idea if I took a moment to explain what I mean by “obstacle.”

For me, an obstacle is anything that is going to stand in the way of making your relationship succeed. Off the top of my head the most common obstacles that I can think of that a long distance couple is likely to encounter are:

• The distance (which can cause fights)
• Jealousy/ Fear of infidelity
• You can’t be physical with each other very often.

The Distance Can Cause Fights

Have you ever heard that phrase,

In long distance relationships 90% of your problems stem from the distance and not from actual relationship problems?

Being in a long distance relationship can be extremely frustrating at times. I mean, the more serious you are about the relationship the more you just want to be next to that person all the time yet the distance between you prevents that from happening. Look, some couples can handle the distance with grace but most couples can’t.

It’s frustrating to want something so badly and to know you can’t have it at that moment.

When I was younger I always loved eating this certain TV dinner. Every time my family would go grocery shopping I would get this one specific TV dinner and I would just crave it at different times throughout the week. Well, whenever I would crave it I would run downstairs, open the refrigerator, pick it out and make it. I will never forget this one time when my little brother decided to take the last TV dinner for himself. Of course, I didn’t find out until I got my usual cravings for it, came downstairs and discovered that the TV dinner that I loved so very much was nowhere to be found.

I knew who took it right away, my little brother.

Oh… I was so angry at him. I mean, he took food that I had clearly set aside for myself and had gotten away with it.

Being in a long distance relationship is a little like that. Sometimes the distance can become so annoying that you start to take it out on your partner.

For example, lets say that an imaginary man and woman (lets call them Harry and Sally) are in a long distance relationship. Well, one day Sally starts to feel that the distance is beginning to get unbearable and she becomes extremely irritable at every little thing. When Harry calls her that day she begins to take her irritability out on him. Of course, Harry doesn’t take too kindly to this and he begins to get angry with her and then the next thing you know the two are fighting about pointless things.

(FYI this is not an uncommon situation that occurs in LDR’s.)

Solution

I think it’s smart to have something to hold onto like a goal that the both of you have to achieve.

Any idea what type of goal I am talking about here?

Hmm… perhaps one where both of you find a permanent way to get rid of the distance?

Imagine this for a second.

Instead of getting irritable at how much the distance is bothering the both of you what do you think would happen if you both were so fierce in your commitment to each other that you just focused on getting rid of the distance?

Do you think you would be having silly fights over pointless things caused by the distance?

Having that permanent solution is something that absolutely needs to happen.

Jealousy & The Fear Of Infidelity

Everyone in every relationship can get a little jealous from time to time. Some experts out there would have you believe that being jealous is a bad thing that can potentially harm your relationship in the long run. While I definitely think that too much jealousy can be harmful I also believe that a little jealousy can be a good thing because it is an indication to the other person to show them that you really care about them.

Of course, when you are dealing with a long distance relationship everything is intensified because of the distance.

Take this situation for example.

Imagine that you and your significant other are dating one another and are in a long distance relationship. All of a sudden your partner calls you up and tells you that they got invited out to lunch with a member of the opposite sex and they accepted.

When presented with this situation you are probably going to experience two emotions.

1. Anger
2. Jealousy

You will experience anger because it is going to feel like your long distance partner went behind your back and went on a date with someone else.

You are going to experience jealousy because human beings tend to have possessive qualities here and there and the thought that your partner could find a connection like the one they have with you is going to scare you a little bit.

Now, lets stay with the example here because I feel it allows me to illustrate multiple points.

As your significant other goes to this “lunch” with a member of the opposite sex all kinds of thoughts are going to enter your head. Perhaps the most scary thought is going to revolve around cheating.

“Are they cheating on me with this person?”

When you add in the distance to this craziness you can get someone who becomes extremely paranoid. I mean, thoughts like this wouldn’t be uncommon,

“If they are cheating on me I would have no way of knowing because I am so far away… They could get away with everything and I wouldn’t have the slightest idea.”

Look, I have never met a person who isn’t afraid of getting cheated on at some point. It is a fear that everyone has because no one wants to get betrayed on that level. Unfortunately, this fear is multiplied in long distance relationships because of the distance and being so far away.

Remember, the fear of “out of sight, out of mind.”

So, if you are in a LDR where you or your partner are plagued with jealousy and infidelity fears how are you supposed to handle them?

Solution

Closeness…

You handle issues and fears like this with extreme closeness.

Do you remember how earlier in this guide I suggested that you and your partner do everything you can to combat the distance by staying close to each other via texts, phone calls, Skype and Facetime? Well, one of the benefits of doing that is that you can kind of combat any fears of infidelity with extreme closeness.

Now, obviously the risk of being this close is that you could come off as being overbearing. This is where your own knowledge of your partner comes in handy. For example, if you know your better half isn’t a huge fan of talking every five seconds then it is ok to give them some space. Yes, you still want to be close with them but instead of keeping them close to the chest you keep them at arms length.

Knowing your partner is extremely important here.

No Consistent Physical Contact

This is the one that I think most people struggle with when it comes to a long distance relationship.

Lets take a normal relationship (not separated by distance) for example. Lets say that a couple like this is going to see each other around 3-5 times a week. That means that every time this couple sees each other they can do things like hold hands, kiss, cuddle and have sex.

A long distance relationship doesn’t have this advantage. It can sometimes take months before you see your partner and while when you finally do see each other you probably won’t be able to keep your hands off one another your time together isn’t forever as you or your partner will probably have to go back to their stomping grounds hundreds of miles away.

Some people just aren’t cut out for this type of wait for physical contact.

How are you supposed to remedy this?

Solution

In my mind there are two solutions to the lack of consistent physical contact.

The first one I have talked about multiple times, HAVE A PERMANENT SOLUTION TO BE TOGETHER!

Look, one of the biggest benefits to having a relationship with someone is how you can be together physically and no I am just not talking about sex. I am talking about simple things like holding hands, intimate hugs and passionate kisses. If you and your partner have something worked out to where you can be together permanently in the future you both having something to work for.

The second solution is all about setting up times to see each other until you can reach that permanent solution.

In other words, see each other as much as possible in person until you can find that permanent fix!

Every single day I get hundreds of comments, emails and Facebook messages on my Facebook Page asking me all kinds of questions about the no contact rule. Now, when I first started this site I didn’t mind answering the same questions over and over again because for me it was mind blowing that so many people wanted advice from me.

Of course, time is a great equalizer and pretty soon answering the same questions over and over again began to wear on me.

For example, I am guaranteed to answer the following three questions pretty much every single day.

” My ex boyfriend has a birthday coming up should I break the no contact rule to wish him a happy birthday?”

” I work with my ex so how am I supposed to do the no contact rule?”

” What do I do if my ex boyfriend doesn’t contact me during the NC period? Should I just stay in NC until he contacts me?”

One of the most annoying things for me when I write about relationships is that no two relationships are ever alike. Each one is unique in it’s own way. Now, this can be an incredible thing for the two people experiencing the relationship but for me, someone who is trying to help others by looking for trends, it can be quite annoying as there are so many situations that I have to cover.

The no contact is not immune to this principle as evidenced by the many different situations that can accompany it.

In fact, I often find myself wishing there was some sort of cheat sheet I could point people to so that all their NC questions could be answered in a snap. Unfortunately, no such cheat sheet exists…

UNTIL NOW!

What Is The Point Of This Page?

I have high ambitions for this page.

Here is my big vision.

Imagine that you are about to embark on the incredibly hard task of implementing a period of no contact on your ex boyfriend. You understand the basic principle of no contact but midway through your no contact a situation arises and you don’t know how to handle it.

The Situation- Your ex boyfriend wants his things back from your house.

All of a sudden you are panicking because you have no idea what to do? Are you supposed to break the no contact? Are you supposed to stick with it and be rude?

That is where this guide comes in. It is my goal to put down every possible situation I can think of that you could possibly encounter during the no contact period on this page so it can serve as a “cheat sheet” or a “go to” guide that you can reference for an easy answer.

Of course, for me it’s not enough just to give you the answer. I want to explain to you why “the answer” is important so not only are you going to have all of your no contact questions answered but you are going to understand why they are answered the way they are answered.

Here are the situations I will be covering,

• What to do if you or your ex boyfriend want to get your things back.
• How to handle NC if you work with your ex.
• How to approach the no contact rule if you have a child with your ex boyfriend.
• What about if you live together?
• Can you break NC to wish your boyfriend a happy birthday?

Now, before we start dissecting these items one by one I feel it is important to mention that I want this particular guide to be completely comprehensive. So, if you can think of any other situations (that can occur during the no contact period) then make me aware of them in the comments section and I will update this page to answer them.

Yes, I really will!

I want you ladies to be involved in this process so we can create the ultimate cheat sheet for people who have questions about no contact.

A Brief Introduction

In this section I am going to assume that you have no knowledge what-so-ever on what the no contact rule is. So, since you don’t know what the no contact rule is I am going to give you a quick crash course.

The No Contact Rule- A period of time (which you select) in which you completely ignore your ex in every way imaginable. That means no texting, calling, Facetiming, Skyping or emailing.

Probably what you want to hear is how the no contact rule can help you if you decide to use it.

I have always found that examples are best for explaining stuff like this. So, lets use an example!

Lets say that your boyfriend broke up with you because you were a little too clingy during your relationship. Obviously after the break up you are very heartbroken and you take to the internet to find a way to get your ex back. Luckily you end up on my website, Ex Boyfriend Recovery, and learn about the no contact rule.

Now, if you did a good job reading my site you would know that I am a fan of the 30 day no contact rule for most cases (21 days in some cases.) So, you decide that you are going to implement a month long no contact period where you completely ignore your ex by essentially freezing him out of your life.

Lets hit the pause button for a second and look at things from your exes perspective now.

Your boyfriend broke up with you because you were too clingy. After the breakup it will probably be normal for him to feel a sense of freedom since he doesn’t feel so “weighed down” by you anymore. Of course, you did have a lot of amazing qualities outside of the clinginess and as time goes on your ex boyfriend begins to think back to those qualities.

Now, since you were clingy he is probably expecting you to contact him first after the break up. Of course, that doesn’t happen since you are abiding by a strict 30 day NC rule. By day 10 of this no contact period your ex begins to get a little antsy and decides to break the ice first with a simple little text message.

He waits and waits and waits and no response to his text message.

This has been the first time that you have ever ignored him and all of a sudden he begins to see your value.

By ignoring him you are proving to him that you know your own value and that you don’t need him to be happy.

One of the best insights I can give you about men is the fact that we all want to feel needed or wanted. We all want to believe that we are like a god in your eyes. So, by ignoring your ex boyfriend in this case you are essentially telling him that you don’t need him to survive. You don’t need him for anything and this fact is going to drive him nuts.

Remember, men want what they can’t have and the no contact rule is a strong statement that they can’t have you.

FYI, it really works.

Now that you have a better idea of what the no contact rule is lets take a look at how to handle it during some of the most complicated situations.

What To Do If You Or Your Boyfriend Wants To Get Your Things Back During NC

When you are with someone for a long time it is normal for the two of you to swap items here and there.

For example, lets say that your boyfriend has an apartment and you still live at home with your parents (no judgement here.) Lets also say that you dated your boyfriend for well over a year. Well, sometime throughout that year I am assuming that you stayed over his place for the night or left some of your things there.

Well, most likely a time is going to come when you are going to want your things back.

(Side Note: There also may be cases where he leaves things with you and wants to get them back.)

The question on the table right now is how do you approach this situation if you are in the middle of a no contact rule.

Do you ignore him if he wants his things back?

Do you not say anything if you want your things back from him?

Funny thing is that I get this question pretty much every single day on the site. So, exchanging items after a break up is a very common situation you could find yourself in if you are in the middle of the no contact rule.

Here’s what you do.

How To Handle This Situation

In my mind there are really two different approaches on how to handle this and it all depends on what situation you find yourself in.

What do I mean by that?

Well, is it him asking for his things back or is it you that wants your things back from him?

Lets start with the easiest situation, you wanting your things back from him.

What To Do If YOU Want Your Things Back

The first thing you need to determine is how badly you want your things back.

Are the items that you want back very important to you or can you live without them?

In a perfect world you would have left items with him that you wouldn’t have really cared about. A toothbrush or hairbrush would be a perfect example of this. If you have left items like this with your ex don’t worry about breaking the no contact rule to get them since they aren’t really that important.

Remember, a perfect no contact is one where you don’t have to break your silence for anything.

Of course, exceptions sometimes have to be made.

Lets say that the items you left with your ex mean a lot to you and you absolutely need them back. Well, in this case I think we can make an exception and break the no contact rule so you can get them back.

Here’s the thing though, when you do break the no contact rule to talk to your ex about getting your things don’t get sucked into a conversation with him about anything other than getting your things back. If he tries to talk to you about your relationship with him don’t engage him with it at all.

This is strictly business and the business in question is getting your things back. That is all you talk to him about.

Lets talk a little about how you should approach seeing him in person when you do go to get your things. A lot of women who want their exes back turn to jelly when they see their man. Under no circumstances can you turn to jelly. Just like the initial discussion over getting your things back this is strictly business and that business is just to get your things back.

Now, this doesn’t mean you should be rude to your ex boyfriend. In fact, you should do exactly the opposite, be extremely nice and bubbly.

Don’t let him know that anything is wrong with you or that you are even hurt about the breakup.

Now, your ex may try to bring up your old relationship in person. If he does this simply say the following to him,

“I am not comfortable talking about that right now.”

Remember, your goal is to just get your things and get out as soon as you can. Don’t linger or talk to your ex about anything else. If you ex does try to talk to you about normal stuff like the weather don’t be mean to him. You can engage him but just be really short with him.

What do I mean by that?

Your Ex: “We have been having some nice weather lately haven’t we?”

You: ” We sure have…”

One last thing before we move on. I don’t want you to hug or kiss your ex at all. You are still technically in no contact and I don’t want him to think he even has a chance with you. In fact, I want him to feel what its like to be alone without you.

Why?

Because it’s going to make him realize that being without you is not a very good feeling.

What To Do If HE Wants His Things Back

If your ex boyfriend calls you up one day and asks you if he can have his things back during the no contact rule this kind of paints you in a corner where you are going to have to break the no contact rule to give him his things back.

Why does this paint you into a corner?

Well, with the situation above you had the privilege of choosing whether or not your things were important enough to take back. If you decided that they were important then you could contact your ex. In this case your ex has already contacted you which means he has deemed his things important enough to take back.

The protocol is pretty much the same as above.

Business is business and that business is giving him his things back.

When you see him in person be super bubbly and friendly but be kind of short. Don’t engage him about your relationship with him. Just make the meeting about HIS things. After he has left with his things you jump right back into the no contact rule.

How To Handle NC If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

The no contact rule pretty much hinges on the fact that you are supposed to completely freeze out your ex for a certain amount of time. Of course, this “freeze out” can be quite challenging to do if you see your ex on a daily basis due to the fact that you work together.

When I first wrote about the no contact rule I didn’t really think that much about the many different situations that you could encounter if you were to do something like this. To me the concept of the no contact rule seemed pretty simple. You pick a certain time frame that you should do the NC in and you do it (meaning you freeze out your ex.)

Of course, it wasn’t until I started getting comments that I started to realize that for many people the no contact rule can be quite challenging.

In fact, one of the first comments I got pointing out a problem with NC was like this,

Hi Chris,

I really want to do the no contact rule but I might have a bit of an issue. My ex and I met through work and we still work together. Will it be possible for me to try the no contact rule since we still work together?

This situation made me think of other people in similar situations.

I mean, what if you are going to school and you have a bunch of classes with your ex so you are forced to see him?

What about if you attend a certain event for work  and your ex shows up. What are you supposed to do then?

Well, here is the smartest solution I can think of.

What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

The first thing I would like to talk about here is what you should look like.

I think I can speak for all men when I say that we are very visual creatures. Yes, a woman needs to have a lot more than looks to captivate a man but don’t fall into the trap of thinking that how you look doesn’t matter. I know a lot of experts would have you believe that all you need is an amazing personality to make a man yours but if I am being 100% honest with you I am not quite sure I believe that.

Take one of my good male friends for example.

He once told me that he would never date someone who he thought was unattractive. In other words, he is basically saying that even if he met a girl with the best personality in history he still wouldn’t date her if he found her unattractive.

As a general rule of thumb I would just say that you should assume that any man you meet is the most shallow person ever.

So, what does any of this have to do with approaching the NC at work?

Well, you are going to be seeing your ex on a daily basis if you work with him so you really have two choices on how to approach the situation.

1. You can look like the breakup is breaking you.
2. You can look like the breakup is making you.

Now, just using your common sense what do you think most men are going to find more attractive?

A woman who looks like a million bucks after the breakup.

Wear your make up.

Wear your nicest clothes.

Wear your a push up bra if you have to.

If you feel you could lose a few pounds then get your butt to the gym and lose those pounds.

I want your ex to be unbelievably attracted to you every single time he sees you in person. I want him to want you in the dirtiest ways.

Why?

Because if you can get him to think of you like that AND you are using the NC rule on him he is going to want you even more and that puts the ball in your court.

How To Handle The Actual NC Part Of Working With An Ex

The no contact rule strictly states that you can in no way have any contact with your ex boyfriend during the time period you have implemented the rule. Of course, this is kind of thrown out the window if you work with your ex since you will be forced to either see or interact with him on a daily basis.

In this case I would like you to follow these special no contact “amendments.”

Amendment 1 – In the case where you are forced to interact with your ex on work

Work is business, right?

I mean, you and your ex were employed to do a job and that job was to help your company make money.

Well, in the case where you are forced to interact with your ex for work I want you to keep things strictly business. In other words, the only type of interaction you should have with him should be about work. If he decides to deviate and talk about your relationship you should simply feed him the line I taught you in the section above,

“I am not comfortable talking about that right now.”

Amendment 2- If He Talks To You About General Topics

Lets say that you do an amazing job of keeping things strictly about your work but unfortunately your ex starts engaging you on more general topics.

Maybe he asks you something like,

“Did you see that episode of Game of Thrones last night?”

or

“What did you do last weekend?”

If he asks you general stuff like that I don’t want you to panic.

Here are your marching orders.

I want you to be super nice and bubbly but also a little short with him. Try not to engage him in a long conversation. Be nice with your answers to his questions but also don’t make your answers very long. There is brilliance in brevity.

What To Do During NC If You Have A Child With Your Ex

This is another one of those topics that I really didn’t think much about when I wrote about the no contact rule initially.

Of course, the ladies visiting this site were quick to point out the issue with this and no contact. Before you read on I want to make you aware that I have written multiple guides specifically covering what you should be doing to get your ex boyfriend back if you do have a child with him here and here.

Ok, now that we have the pleasantries out of the way lets take a look at how you should approach the no contact rule if you have a child with your boyfriend.

The Rules Of NC Still Apply For The Most Part

Lets say that you have a child with your ex boyfriend and you have decided to use NC on him. You make it about 3 days in and then all of a sudden your ex calls you up. You stay strict on your no contact credo and don’t give in to his calls. Of course, he does leave a voicemail on your phone and curiosity gets to you so you decide to listen to it.

“Hey, I just wanted to know if I could see Chad (your child together) tomorrow?”

Now all of a sudden you are having this debate in your head on whether or not you should break no contact so you can tell your ex when he can see his son next. I mean, he still does have a right to see his son since he has been a very good father to him.

So, what do you do?

Is it ok to break no contact in this case?

The Child Factor

Listen up because this is important.

The only time you can break the no contact rule in the case where you have a child with your ex is if you have to communicate with your ex about that child.

Whether it’s who can pick him up at school…

When your ex can see that child…

Something going on in that child’s life that has to be talked about…

Much like how when you work with your ex you have to keep things strictly about work. Well, when you have a child with your ex you have to keep things strictly about that child. In other words, if your ex tries to talk to you about anything else other than that child your job is simple, DO NOT ENGAGE HIM.

The only thing I want you talking about with your ex during this no contact period is your child together because that child without a doubt is more important than you wanting your ex back (that’s my personal opinion.)

Of course, a lot of the couples with children end up living together. So, how do you approach the no contact rule then?

How To Approach NC If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend?

Going through a break up when you live with your boyfriend has to be one of the most disheartening feelings ever.

I mean, one moment everything in your relationship is going great and the next you feel like an outsider in your own home.

So, the question on the table right now is how are you supposed to approach no contact if you find yourself in a position where you have to live with your boyfriend? Surely you and him are going to have to communicate at some point, right? I mean, is it even possible do implement the NC rule if you live with your boyfriend?

Technically…

Yes it is.

However, your circumstance prevents you from following the NC rules perfectly.

Lets take a moment and talk about some of the changes you are going to have to make if you live with your ex boyfriend.

Sleeping Arrangements

It is pretty normal for a couple that lives together to sleep together in the same bed.

Well, I don’t think this is going to come as a shock but if you break up with your ex or he breaks up with you then you can’t be sleeping in the same bed as him. That means that you or him are going to have to figure out a new sleeping arrangement.

Now, if he is a gentlemen he would probably opt to sleep on the couch without starting any type of fight over who is going to sleep where.

Of course, most men out there aren’t gentlemen and will opt to get into a massive argument on who will sleep where rather than just taking the hit and sleeping on the couch themselves. If you feel your ex boyfriend is like this don’t even engage in an argument with him.

YOU sleep on the couch yourself.

Is it uncomfortable?

It is…

However, it’ll help you avoid an argument and will make strides in showing him you are an independent woman and show him that you don’t need to sleep in the same bed with him.

Do Not Get Over Emotional

Going through a break up can cause you to experience some of the worst feelings ever.

Going through a break up where you live with the person brings a whole new level of pain.

You are going to be tempted to feel sorry for yourself, sulk throughout the house, sit in a corner and cry or even cry so hard that you can’t even function. In fact, a part of you may hope that your ex feels so sorry for yourself that he rushes over to your side and tries to make you feel better. Heck, maybe he will feel so sorry that he will ask to get back together with you.

Would you like me to explain why acting like this is so dumb?

Your ex boyfriend is probably expecting you to act like this. He is probably expecting you to sulk around the house, sit in a corner, cry and do everything in your power to try to get his attention.

That is his expectation.

If instead you walked around like the breakup wasn’t bothering you. If you acted bubbly and happy and in a good mood it is going to mess with him.

You see, he had an expectation that you would be devastated but when your behavior doesn’t match up as someone who is devastated he is going to all of a sudden think to himself,

“Wow, maybe I didn’t mean as much to her as I thought.”

Now, we all know that a mans mind is a little warped. So, somehow having a man think that he didn’t mean as much to you as he thought he did is going to make you more attractive in his eyes because deep down he wants to be the most important person in your life.

I know… we are messed up huh?

How To Handle Interactions

When you live with someone then that means that you are most likely going to have to talk to them at one point.

This causes a bit of a problem with the no contact rule which strictly forbids contact with your ex in anyway shape or form.

While you can still abide by the rules of not responding or sending texts, phone calls, facebooks or skypes to your ex the face to face contact bit may be a little hard to get around since you will probably see this person a lot until you get a new living situation figured out.

So, the question on the table is how do you approach a situation where you are forced to interact with your ex boyfriend face to face.

As a general rule I have always said that it is best to act like a respectful roommate would act.

In other words, don’t be rude or mean to your ex just give him very casual answers to the questions he asks.

For example, if your ex were to ask you if you took the trash out in person you would respond to him like this,

“I did yesterday.”

Here’s the thing though, you don’t want him to sense that you are angry or upset with him at all. You want to respond to all of his questions in a very upbeat manner without going into a lot of detail. Of course, you do live with this person so your relationship is bound to pop up at one point.

If he does bring up your relationship you simply feed him our favorite line,

“I am not ready to talk about that right now.”

If he throws a hissy fit because you won’t engage him on this topic you simply remove yourself from the situation.

To Recap

• Be very respectful
• Keep the interactions you are forced to break NC for very pleasant but also short.
• Do not talk about your relationship with him.
• You still can’t text or respond to texts, phone calls or any other social media.

Lets move on to another common question I get here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

Can You Wish Your Ex A Happy Birthday/Happy Holiday During NC?

EVERY DAY!

I literally get this question in comments and emails every single day.

“Chris, is it ok if I break NC to wish my ex a happy birthday?”

Oh, and I get this one every year,

“Chris, as you know tomorrow is Christmas. Is it ok if I text my ex that I hope he has a merry Christmas tomorrow? Even if it is during NC?”

So, I guess what most of you ladies are wondering is if it is ok for you to break a no contact rule (that you have already committed to completing) just to wish your ex a happy birthday.

Hmm… how can I get this through your head so that you understand once in for all if you can break NC just to wish your ex a happy birthday or whatever holiday is coming up.

NO…. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES CAN YOU BREAK THE NO CONTACT RULE TO WISH YOUR EX A HAPPY BIRTHDAY OR A HAPPY HOLIDAY.

Got it?

Good!

Why You Can’t Break NC In This Case

There is one main reason why I think it’s dumb to wish your ex boyfriend a happy birthday or holiday during NC.

It’s actually pretty simple.

Do you realize how many people are probably wishing him a happy birthday on his birthday. I had like 100 people wish me a happy birthday on my Facebook last year. Half of these people I didn’t even know or have never even talked to before. To me, someone wishing me a happy isn’t that big of a deal.

Does it feel nice, sure.

Does someone wishing me a happy birthday dictate whether I am going to take an ex back?

No way.

So, why would your ex be any different?

In other words, wishing your ex boyfriend a happy birthday isn’t really going to help you in what you really want to have happen, him taking you back.

In fact, not wishing a happy birthday may actually make him sit there and go,

“Wait, why didn’t she wish me a happy birthday? Did she forget or something?”

When everyone zigs you had better zag.

 

For the next three days (Oct 6th – 9th) I have decided to do something I have never done before on Ex Boyfriend Recovery, give away one of my E-Books for free.

Yes, you read that correctly!

Starting today if you buy my popular E-Book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO, you will be given my other E-Book, The Secrets of Attracting Men, for FREE!

Here’s the catch though, I am only going to be running this offer until October 9th. That means that at 11:30 AM on October 9th this buy one, get one free offer is going to expire. So, make sure you take advantage of this amazing offer while you can.

How To Get “The Secrets of Attracting Men” For Free

Well, the first thing you are going to have to do to get “The Secrets of Attracting Men” for free is to go to the sales page for Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO below and purchase it,

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO Sales Page

Once you purchase Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO you should check your email for proof of your purchase.

The proof of purchase should come from my email, chris@exboyfriendrecovery.com.

For those of you who may be confused on what this email will look like I have decided to attach a screenshot to show you,

So, once you purchase Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO the email above will be sent to you. All you have to do is respond to that email (chris@exboyfriendrecovery.com) and say something like,

“This is my proof of purchase so I can get “The Secrets of Attracting Men” for free.”

I will respond to your email to me personally and provide you with your new e-book for free before 24 hours.

(Side Note: I will without a doubt respond to you but it may take me some time in certain cases depending on what I am doing that particular day but I can promise you that you will get your free E-Book within 24 hours of your purchase.)

Take advantage of the buy one, get one free offer below by purchasing, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO (Buy One, Get One Free.)

Remember, on October 9th I will no longer be running this offer.

Hope you have a great week!

 

I have written a lot about the no contact rule on this site.

• I wrote about what it is here.
• I wrote about what men are thinking about during it here.
• Heck, I have even written about how it fits in, in the entire “ex back” process here.

Unfortunately, one thing that I have never done is write about what men are thinking AFTER the no contact rule.

A few days ago a woman came to Ex Boyfriend Recovery with an interesting request. She basically told me that most of the women who implement the no contact rule end up contacting their exes first after the no contact rule is over. For example, lets say that you were to use the no contact rule on your ex boyfriend for 30 days. Well, at the end of that 30 days you would end up contacting your ex boyfriend to start the “get your ex back” process. Well, this woman was curious as to what was going on in the mind of a man AFTER the no contact rule had already be implemented.

In other words, what would your ex boyfriend be thinking after you had successfully performed the no contact rule on him?

Well, that is what this page is going to explore.

Your ex boyfriends mindset assuming that you implement the no contact rule.

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

I would just like to point out before we dive in that this page is not going to fully help you get your ex boyfriend back. It is just going to be specifically talking about insights into using the no contact rule and as we all know the no contact rule is only one small step in the overall “ex recovery” process.

If you would like a rundown of the entire process for recovering your ex boyfriend I would like to point you towards my E-Book,

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

It’s a massive guide that will literally take you through the entire process step by step. Oh, and it has literally helped hundreds of women get their exes back.

We Are Going To Make An Assumption

As you know, Ex Boyfriend Recovery and the no contact rule have become very closely associated with one another.

That is because getting your ex boyfriend back can sometimes rely pretty heavily on the no contact rule.

So, as I explained above, this page is going to focus on what is going on in your exes mind after you implement the no contact rule. Well, this is where I need to make one thing clear. In order for this page to make sense we are going to have to make an assumption.

The Assumption- That you have successfully completed a 30 day no contact rule on your ex boyfriend.

Would you like to know why it is important that we make this assumption?

Imagine for a moment that you had attempted the 30 day no contact rule and failed at it.

Lets say you only lasted something like a week.

Well, a one week no contact rule isn’t going to have the same affect that a four week no contact rule will have.

In other words, what a man will think after a failed no contact rule will be different than what he is going to be thinking during a successful one and since we are all positive thinkers here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery we are going to just focus on the successful no contact rule.

Now, I know a lot of you reading this page probably haven’t even finished your no contact yet and that is ok. Really what I want this page to be for you is a “what to expect” type page when you do successfully get through your no contact rule.

The Five Things Men Will Think AFTER No Contact

I am a man so you know for a fact that I can bring you some very valuable insight when it comes to what men are thinking before, during and after no contact. Now, I will be the first to admit that no woman has ever done a 30 day no contact rule on me but I have been on the receiving end of a half day, day and three day no contact rule and let me tell you that it drove me absolutely crazy.

In this section I am going to be talking about some of the thoughts that your ex boyfriend might potentially have after the no contact rule assuming that you completed a 30 day rule on him.

I have pinpointed the top five things that he will be thinking and as always I will be covering each of these things in a very in-depth manner.

Oh, you probably want to know the things that your ex would be thinking don’t you?

1. What A Bi&*h
2. Why Didn’t She Respond To Me
3. She Must Be Disinterested In Me
4. Was She Playing Games?
5. Extreme Guilt

Lets take a moment to look at all of these thoughts.

What A Bi&*h

When I tell women who use the no contact rule on an ex that their ex probably thinks negative thoughts about them at one point after the no contact rule they always seem to get upset.

I actually don’t even blame them for getting upset either.

After all, the no contact rule is supposed to help reunite a happy couple. Not make one member think the other is a total bit*h.

But lets take a step back and really take a look at what is going on in your exes head and probably the best way to do that is to give you a real life example.

When I was in college I was friends with this guy who was literally head over heels for this girl. Well, he ended up taking this girl on one date and he thought that the date went pretty well. I remember as clear as yesterday him saying that he thinks that this girl was “the one.”

Yes, after just one date he said this to me.

Unfortunately for him, “the one” didn’t really think the same thing he did as she didn’t think the date went well at all. So, she decided to get rid of him the only way she knew how without hurting his feelings, ignoring him.

The more she ignored him the angrier he got and the angrier he got, the more he called her a bit*h.

Here is the funniest part though, despite calling her all those names behind her back he was very persistent in trying to win her and eventually he did.

The point I am trying to make here is that if anyone is angry at you ignoring them it is because they want to talk to you.

So, the fact that your ex could be calling you names because of the fact that you are ignoring him just really means he wants to be heard by you and hasn’t been given that chance yet.

Why Didn’t She Respond To Me?

Your ex boyfriend is probably going to wonder why you didn’t respond to him after the no contact rule has been completed.

I told you above that the no contact rule has been used on me in certain cases but never for an extended period of time like 30 days. What I can tell you though about my experience on being on the receiving end of the no contact rule is that when I felt ignored I found myself wondering,

“Why the heck isn’t she responding to me?”

You begin to wonder things like,

“Is she doing this on purpose?”

or

“Maybe she is just away from her phone and can’t respond?”

Of course, it’s a total mindfu** for men when a woman does respond to them after a certain amount of time. You will find us sitting there being like,

“Why the heck didn’t you respond to me in the first place?”

In fact, some men will grow so annoyed at being ignored that they will be very direct with you and ask you something like this through a text message,

If you end up getting a response like this from your ex boyfriend after the no contact rule has been completed then I would be extremely happy.

Why?

By your ex saying that it means that he was extremely annoyed about the fact that you wouldn’t respond to him.

What does that tell you?

THAT HE WANTED YOU TO RESPOND TO HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE!

Look, I have been ignored before by a woman and let me tell you that it is extremely annoying to want nothing more to be heard when instead you are ignored. It makes you feel a little insignificant as a man and the more insignificant a man feels the more he will feel like he has to prove.

She Must Be Disinterested In Me

Some men will go to extremes after the no contact rule is over.

They will hate being ignored by you so much that they will tell themselves,

“Oh, it’s time to move on because she wants nothing to do with me.”

This is what most of the women on this site who employ the no contact rule are so afraid of. They are scared that if they use the no contact rule on their ex that he will think that they want nothing to do with him and I am not going to lie to you, some men will think that.

However, that doesn’t mean that he won’t come back. In fact, it might even be a good thing because as I have pointed out so many times men love women who are a challenge.

Why do they love a challenge?

Because they are more competitive by nature and they need to feel like they have to “win you over.”

Women who are easy aren’t as high of value to a man.

Think of it like this.

Lets take two sports cars and compare them.

What are the sports cars?

1. A Mustang
2. A Lamborghini

Every year millions of Mustangs are made for consumers whereas only a certain amount of Lamborghinis are made.

What do you think people go more crazy over?

The Mustangs or the Lamborghinis?

The lambo’s of course!

Why?

Because they are rarer and of higher value.

Don’t believe me?

The most expensive Mustang ever sold at an auction was a 1.3 million dollar 1967 Shelby Mustang. That mustang had decades to increase in value.

Well, last year alone Lamborghini made 3 cars (only 3) that sold for 3.9 million each.

Oh, and they were fresh out of the shop and didn’t have decades to rise in value.

Bottom line is that sometimes it isn’t a bad thing if your ex boyfriend thinks you are over him because it may mean that you have just evolved from a Mustang to a Lamborghini!

Was She Playing Games?

Lets turn our attention to the type of man who has a brain and realizes that you are probably playing some sort of game by not contacting him.

Now, I will admit that for you this is probably the worst type of ex boyfriend to have because he probably knows exactly what is going on. He probably knows that you are ignoring him on purpose so that he will miss you and ultimately want you to come back.

Lets assume that you and I dated and we broke up with each other. Well, after the break up you employ the no contact rule on me. There is just one problem, this is me we are talking about here and I run a website where I teach women how to get their exes back so I pretty much know every trick in the book.

In other words, I know exactly what you are trying to do with the no contact rule.

I guess the question I am throwing out here is,

Will the no contact rule work on someone who knows it is happening to them?

Well, yes and no.

Allow me to expand on that.

We are going to stick with our example here for a moment and say that you and I dated in the past.

Well, if our relationship was absolutely horrible and riddled with fights, disagreements, jealousy, trust issues and drama 24/7 there is a pretty good chance that my feelings are going to be lost.

Well, in this case, if I knew the no contact rule was being employed on me it probably wouldn’t be effective since I probably don’t want to get myself back in a situation like that.

However, what about if our past relationship was great?

Would the no contact rule work then if I knew it was going on?

Yes, it absolutely would because I would hate to be ignored and it would increase your value.

Extreme Guilt

Time has an amazing affect on men. You see, when something very emotional happens (like a break up) we tend to think very angry thoughts. In fact, I think a case could be made that everyone who goes through a break up will think angry thoughts.

Eventually though, when time takes hold of the situation, men begin to mellow out and gain some perspective on the situation.

They begin to think of all the little things they did wrong in a relationship and start to feel some extreme guilt.

Allow me to give you an example.

Lets say that you and your ex boyfriend constantly fought over his flirty nature.

You see, during your relationship he was always flirting with other girls and saying things like,

“Your cute!”

or

“We should go out some time.”

Now, to your knowledge he never cheated on you or anything that extreme but the way he would communicate with other women was very alarming to you and when you brought it up to him he became very defensive which of course started a fight.

In fact, this problem became so prevalent in your relationship that you two literally broke up over it.

It always kind of bugged you that he didn’t think he did anything wrong with the way he was talking to other women (he clearly did.) Well, after the break up it may take some time for it to kick in but eventually he will face the truth of the situation, that he was in the wrong.

The “If That Happened To Me” Factor

One of the most interesting ways that men can sometimes realize how bad they were in a relationship is something I like to call the “If That Happened To Me” factor.

What is it?

Ok, imagine for a moment that we are dating and I do the same thing to you as I described above, I flirt with other women in a very alarming manner.

Perhaps at the time, for some bizarre reason, I thought it was ok to flirt the way I did.

Now, lets say after the breakup you complete the no contact rule on me which of course is going to give me a lot of time to think.

What am I going to think during this time?

Well, I am going to probably run an interesting comparison in my head.

“What if what I did to her happened to me?”

“What if she had flirting with other men the way I flirted with other girls?”

Ok, stepping out of the fake example for a moment. I can tell you right now that I would be very upset if I found my significant other was flirting with other men in this type of alarming manner.

Why?

Because if someone is willing to flirt that heavy then that means the chances are higher that they might cheat in the future.

So, by using the no contact rule on an ex boyfriend who was clearly in the wrong in your relationship with him will give him time to think and with that time can come guilt over what he has done or how he has wronged you.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that this guilt isn’t entirely exclusive just to the breakup reason. In fact, you may learn in the future after the no contact rule that your ex was feeling guilty over some fight that you thought was insignificant. Of course, in order for your ex to feel this guilt you have to give him time in the form of the no contact rule.

The Five Different Reactions Men Can Have AFTER No Contact

38,000 comments…

As of this moment this website has had over 38,000 women comment on it.

That means that close to 38,000 women have read about the no contact rule and a very high percentage of those women have actually tried it out on their ex boyfriends. Well, one of the most beautiful things about this website is the fact that I actually get to interact with thousands of women and hear how their attempt to get their ex back goes.

What does that mean?

Well, it means that I have seen the no contact rule used a lot on ex boyfriends and have seen just about every reaction from them in the book.

In this section I would like to talk about the five most popular reactions from an ex boyfriend after the no contact rule is implemented.

Here is a rundown of the five most popular reactions after no contact,

• Being Super Happy To Hear From You
• Being Happy But Very Careful In His Responses
• Responding Very Angrily
• Responding Neutrally
• Not Responding At All

Lets take a look at these reactions right now.

Being Super Happy To Hear From You

I wanted to start off with this reaction because this is without a doubt one of the most common reactions that you are going to get from your ex after you use the no contact rule.

In fact, I know myself really well.

Better than anyone actually .

Want me to let you in on a secret on how I would react if someone I cared about a lot used the no contact rule on me?

During it’s use on me I would probably be extremely upset and angry with the person who used it on me. However, after about a week or two I would start to calm down and think about the situation. Eventually as the days and weeks go by I would just be hoping for any kind of reaction or response from the person using NC.

So, eventually when that “reach out” or “response” comes I would be over the moon.

In fact, I would be so over the moon that I wouldn’t care that this person essentially ignored me for a month. I would just be happy to hear from them.

It’s funny, so many women on this site are scared to death that their ex is going to resent them for doing the no contact rule and the truth is that he will but it won’t be permanent.

Everyone hates being ignored when they want nothing more than to be heard and that is essentially what the no contact rule does.

It forces you to ignore your ex when he wants nothing more than to be heard.

He is going to resent that a little bit at first but eventually he is going to miss you so much it is going to trump that resenting emotion.

It’s exactly how I work so you know for a fact that it’s going to work on just about any other man out there.

Lets move on to the next reaction.

Being Happy But Careful In His Responses

Lets say that you and I previously dated and you broke up with me due to some stupid reason.

After some self reflection by you, you realize that you made a big mistake in breaking up with me.

(I mean, lets face it I am pretty awesome!)

You become desperate to get me back so you end up going to the internet to search for advice. Your internet search eventually lands you on this site and you learn about the no contact rule which you swiftly place into effect. Now, the no contact has a pretty decent effect on me because it makes me miss you and I want nothing more than to have a conversation with you.

However, that is not the only thing going on in my mind.

Yes, I miss you but I am also aware by ignoring me during the no contact rule you are playing a game and this sets off an alarm in my head.

What is the alarm?

“I need to be careful around her.”

In other words, when the time finally does come for us to communicate after the no contact rule I am going to be half in and half out when I respond to you.

In my mind I am going to need something from you to prove that you still are interested in me because after all, you were the one who broke up with me and you were the one ignoring me during no contact.

Now, if you follow the advice I have laid out in this site you will give your ex that special something he needs to understand that you are still interested in him.

What is the main takeaway from this section?

It’s that if you find your ex responding positively after the no contact rule but you can also feel this distance in his responses then it is probably because he is looking for something more from you before he takes the risk of opening up to you.

Responding Very Angrily

This response after the no contact rule is actually pretty easy to understand.

Your ex, who probably wants to talk to you, is ignored for 30 days and grows angry because he doesn’t get what he wants, to talk to you.

I almost look at men who are super angry after the no contact rule like toddlers who go to the store and throw a tantrum because their mommy or daddy won’t buy them the toy they wanted.

A lot can go through the mind of a man during the no contact rule.

In this particular instance it is important for you to understand that the underlying reason that your ex is angry with you after no contact is because he wanted to talk to you during the freeze out period and his ego can’t take being ignored. Now, most women freak out when they get an angry response from an ex and they think their chances of winning him back are over completely.

This is the wrong way to view the situation.

Ok, lets put on our logic caps for a moment.

Lets say that after the no contact rule you reach out to your ex boyfriend and he responds with this,

Now, you have been waiting a long time for this moment so most likely you are going to be extremely disappointed with that response but if you really break it down it’s not that bad of a response at all.

It is clear that your ex boyfriend is upset with you, yes.

However, notice how he is upset with you because you ignored him during no contact. That means that all he really wanted during that time was to talk to you. So, if after no contact he is still upset for the same reason that means that the intent to talk to you is still there.

In other words, the more angry he gets the more he really cares.

Responding Neutrally

I suppose in order for us to to fully understand this section we first need to understand what a “neutral response” is.

My E-Book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO teaches women that after the no contact rule they should actually reach out to their exes with a text message that is so interesting that is impossible for him not to respond. How he responds to that message is going to dictate how positively, negatively or neutrally he views you.

Well, if your ex boyfriend responds with a neutral response it would look something like this,

This would be considered a neutral response.

Now, the question in play here is what could possibly be going on in your exes mind if he gives you this type of response?

Generally speaking, if after no contact, your ex gives you this response it means he is either holding some type of resentment or anger over either the breakup or the no contact rule. Now, is that a good thing or a bad thing for you?

Well, I personally think it depends.

Some men are very passive aggressive and will hold their anger in over the breakup and it can come out in the form of neutral responses.

The key for dealing with these types of men is patience.

Here is how I would deal with this situation if I was in your shoes and it happened to me.

Rather than freaking out over a neutral response I would wait a day or two and then try again with another text. If the ex responds more positively then you know for a fact that you can advance things. However, if you try reaching out 3-5 times to your ex and he responds either negatively or neutrally each of those times it is at this point you know that his anger, resentment or disappointment runs deep and he may need more time to deal with the situation.

Not Responding At All

Ok, for women who are using the no contact rule this is really the worst case scenario.

You use the no contact rule on your ex boyfriend and then after NC, according to the instructions via Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO you send a text message and your ex doesn’t respond. You have a pretty good head on your shoulders so you don’t freak out. You wait a week, send another text message and he doesn’t respond.

Ok, now you are are starting to get a little worried.

Of course, the world hasn’t ended yet as you wait yet another week and then try again.

Still no response…

What the heck is going on?

Well, if your ex refuses to talk to you after the no contact rule I think there are a few things that you have to take a look at.

Generally speaking an ex can get upset over the no contact rule being used on him and think to himself,

“Fine, I don’t need her. I am not going to talk to her at all.”

Of course, when push comes to shove and you finally do end up texting your ex after the no contact rule he usually won’t be able to resist a response.

So, while it is possible that he could hold so much resentment for you ignoring him that he won’t even respond to you at all it is unlikely.

What is the more likely truth is that your ex holds resentment over the breakup or the reason you broke up.

You hurt him or angered him so deep that he doesn’t want to talk to you again.

For example, lets say you cheated on him with his best friend (totally not true but bear with me here.) If that happened to me, my significant other cheated on me with my best friend I would be so upset I would not be able to even talk to my significant other.

If your breakup reason hit him so hard emotionally it is entirely possible that he wont want to talk to you at all.

So, I guess the question you are wondering is how can you get him to talk to you?

Well, only Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO can answer that .

 

You find it baffling, don’t you?

Your ex boyfriend appears to be happy with his new girlfriend yet he still ends up contacting you behind the scenes.

All sorts of questions run through your head…

“Is he trying to get back with me?”

“Is he trying to rub the fact that he has a girlfriend in?”

“Is he trying to make me jealous?”

Well, with this guide I plan on answering every single one of those questions. First though, I think its important that we really take a look at your situation.

The Situation You Are In

This guide assumes that you and your ex boyfriend have broken up and he has moved on to another girl. What I would really like to explore is the reasons why he may potentially talk to you when he has another girlfriend and believe me when I tell you that there could be a lot of different reasons for that.

Of course, the assumption I am going to make about you is that you probably want your ex boyfriend back in this instance because lets face it, you came to my website, Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

Well, the one thing I want to make you aware of is that this particular page is not a “get your ex boyfriend back” guide. In fact, its actually more of a understand why your ex is contacting you so you can have the insight you need to understand him and hopefully help you get him back.

If you are really searching for a “get your ex boyfriend back” guide then I recommend you take a good hard look at my book,

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

Ok, lets move on to the meat of this article.

The Reasons Why An Ex Boyfriend May Contact You When He Has A New Girlfriend

I thought really hard about this and have come up with really only six reasons for why an ex boyfriend would want to contact you if he has a new girlfriend,

1. He has grass is greener syndrome.
2. He wants to make you jealous.
3. His new girlfriend is pushing him away and he is looking for you to make him feel better.
4. He wants to be friends
5. He wants sex

Now, some of these reasons are good for your quest to get your ex back and some of the reasons are bad. I am going to take an in-depth look at each of these reasons and describe how they will help or hurt your case to get your ex boyfriend back. Lets do that now!

Reason One- He Has The Grass Is Greener Syndrome

You know what the grass is greener syndrome is right?

For those of you whose memories may be a little foggy on what it is allow me to give you a quick crash course.

The Grass Is Greener Syndrome- Is a term used to describe what a man goes through when he starts dating someone new who doesn’t measure up to the standard you set in a relationship with that man. The GIGS (grass is greener syndrome) can also work negatively in your favor if the new person he dates exceeds the standard that you set.

Still a little confused as to how GIGS works.

Ok, lets put this in the perfect context for this guide.

Lets say that you and I dated and had a pretty decent relationship. Of course, I end up breaking up with you and moving on to a new girl. After about two months with this new girl I begin to realize that I may have made a mistake as this new girl can’t really compare to the standard that you set as a girlfriend during our relationship.

This is a perfect example of the grass is greener syndrome working in your favor.

So, what do I mean when I say that one of the reasons that an ex boyfriend could contact you when he has a new girlfriend could be a result of him having the grass is greener syndrome?

Well, its quite simple really.

Lets say that during your ex boyfriends new relationship he begins to compare it to his old relationship with you and determines that his old relationship was better than his new one. For example, lets say that he thinks back to the way you used to take such good care of him when you were sick and his new girlfriend really doesn’t take care of him like that at all.

Well, he is going to think back to that and miss it.

It is that comparison, that feeling of missing some aspect of his old relationship with you that is going to cause him to want to reach out to you.

Does Him Having The GIGS Help or Hurt Your Case To Getting Him Back?

If your ex boyfriend reaches out to you because he misses you or has a serious case of the GIGS I would say that it definitely helps your case in getting him back.

Now, does it mean you will get him back?

Not necessarily…

It helps yes, but you have to realize that it is going to take more than him reaching out to you for you to get him back. One thing that you definitely have on your side though is that if your ex is reaching out to you because of this reason it means that you can give him something that his new girlfriend can’t and most likely never will.

Reason Two- He Wants To Make You Jealous

Breakups are a very hard thing for anyone to go through.

Yes, I am insinuating that your ex boyfriend could be seriously hurting inside after the breakup (even if he was the one who initiated it.) Men often have very unique reactions to breakups. Some will close themselves off from the world building a wall around themselves that prevents anyone from getting in while others take the opposite approach and go into hardcore party mode letting everyone in.

With this guide we are focusing specifically on one reaction, a man who goes out and gets a new girlfriend.

Believe it or not your ex could still be harboring some serious resentment towards you for the breakup (even if it wasn’t your fault) so he will do anything to get back at you. One of those ways that he can “get back at you” is by trying to make you jealous of his new relationship.

What Is Going On Inside Of His Head If He Tries To Make You Jealous?

I feel that I am at my best when I give examples (or made up examples) to illustrate my points so that is what I am going to be doing here.

Lets pretend that your ex boyfriend breaks up with you because he doesn’t feel as strongly as he did for you at the beginning of your relationship. A month goes by and he meets a new girl and starts dating her while you are still reeling from the hurt of the breakup. When you hear that he has moved on your first reaction is pretty normal for this type of thing.

You are hurt, angry and saddened.

Then one day out of the blue your ex boyfriend contacts you and starts talking about how happy he is in his new relationship and how his new girlfriend is the best thing that ever happened to him. It is apparent that he is trying to make you jealous of his new relationship.

First off, what a total a**hole move.

Secondly, why in the world would he do this? Why would he say these things to you?

It’s almost like he is rubbing his new relationship in on purpose because he knows twisting the knife is the ultimate way of hurting you.

I would like to start by saying that in this made up example your ex boyfriend is the one breaking up with you. Most women who are in this situation make the mistake of assuming that their exes aren’t hurting at all. This isn’t actually true because in a mans mind if he is pushed to a point where he has to break up with you then he is going to shift the blame solely on you, the person who forced him to initiate a breakup.

Men think pretty highly of themselves and believe that they are entitled to the best women and the “best woman” wouldn’t ever make them feel like they are pushed to a point where they need to break up with their significant other.

As a result, if a man broke up with you then he might hold some resentment against you because you pushed him to a point where he had to break up with you.

I know it is a really weird way of thinking but that may be what is happening here.

Now, why am I focusing so much on the man breaking up with woman as opposed to the woman breaking up with the man?

In this particular situation, a lot of men who make women jealous are doing so from a place of hurt or anger. To them, its like a warped way to get payback.

Well, if a man was broken up with by you then his motivation to get revenge through jealousy isn’t going to be very hard to pinpoint. On the flip side, if a man broke up with you then that motivation for jealousy might be a little harder to locate (I located it for you above though.)

This brings us to the million dollar question, what does it mean for your chances of getting your ex boyfriend if he attempts to make you jealous by rubbing his new relationship in your face?

Does Him Trying To Make You Jealous Help Or Hurt Your Chances To Get Him Back?

When it comes to this type of stuff I like to look at things in a very logical manner.

What’s my trick for looking at things logically?

I take a good hard look at a persons actions as opposed to what they are saying.

Lets do that with the made up example I gave above.

Already forgot the example we used above?

That’s ok, I can give you a quick refresh.

Your ex boyfriend breaks up with you saying he no longer feels like he did at the beginning of the relationship. Within a month your ex boyfriend meets someone new and starts dating her. After this your ex boyfriend very quickly messages you and attempts to make you jealous of his new relationship.

Lets break this example up into three parts and dissect it.

Part 1- Your ex boyfriend breaks up with you saying he no longer feels like he did at the beginning of the relationship

When you look at this action it seems like it is a pretty strong action stating that your ex doesn’t want to be with you anymore. After all, someone who would want to be with you wouldn’t break up with you. In other words, this action taken by your ex is not really helping your chances of getting him back at all.

Part 2- Within a month your ex boyfriend meets someone new and starts dating her.

This is another action indicative of someone who is trying to move on. While moving on in a month may be too fast for most men there are some cases where this would be an acceptable amount of time. For example, if you and your ex only dated for a month or two. This action taken by your boyfriend really isn’t helping your chances of a reconnection either.

Part 3- After this your ex boyfriend very quickly messages you and attempts to make you jealous of his new relationship.

This is where things start to get really interesting because the actions your ex is taking now by contacting you and trying to make you jealous are indicative of someone who is clearly not over his ex. Take it from someone who knows what it’s like to move on from a relationship successfully. When you have completely moved on from someone you will have no desire to rub things in with them. Why? You won’t care enough to. So, the fact that your ex still finds the need to “rub things in” most likely means that he is not over you and I don’t think you need a palm reader to tell you that, that is good in your quest for trying to get your ex boyfriend back.

Reason Three- His New Girlfriend Is Pushing Him Away

I want to tell you a really interesting story about a friend of mine.

A few years ago my friend told me something shocking…

He told me that he was thinking about leaving his current girlfriend to get back with his ex girlfriend.

Why was this shocking to me?

I mean, you would think someone who has seen tens of thousands of relationship situations wouldn’t be shocked by anything anymore. Well, the shocking thing to me was the fact that my buddy had nothing but horrible things to say about his ex,

“She’s a demon…”

“She’s a bi%h…”

So, the fact that he was even considering going back to someone who he clearly didn’t think very highly of was strange to me. Of course, I am fascinated by human behavior so I decided to pick his brain as to why he was considering leaving his current girlfriend to get back with his old one.

I asked him one simple question,

“Why would you want to go back with your ex? I thought (insert his current girlfriends name) made you happy?”

His answer was very interesting.

Apparently his new girlfriend was pushing him away.

She was constantly flirting with other men. He actually told me a story about a time that he took her on a date and she texted the entire time while on the date. She had told him that she was just texting friends but he later found out that she was texting another guy with some very flirty text messages.

She was also not meeting his physical needs. Now, my buddy isn’t shy about talking about sex. In fact, he is just a very sexual person and one of his prerequisites for dating is that the girl he dates has to have a similar sex drive to him and while his current girlfriend seemed great at the beginning she would hardly ever sleep with him after a while and this bothered him a lot.

As a result of her behavior he didn’t feel very close or connected to her which forced him to think back to his most recent past relationship.

While his ex did have her faults she never flirted with other men on the level that his current girlfriend did and she definitely made sure his physical needs were met. So, all of a sudden the grass wasn’t so green on the other side after he broke up with his ex.

His current girlfriends behavior really pushed him away and made him unhappy so where do you think he turned?

Yep, his ex girlfriend.

Could He Just Use You To Feel Good About Himself?

Take a situation like my friends above where a current girlfriend isn’t meeting a mans needs either emotionally or physically. Well, in order for most men to be happy they have to have those needs met. So, oftentimes a man can revert back to an ex to get those types of needs met.

Now, I am actually not talking about physical needs so much here though there are cases where that happens. More often than not a man will contact an ex with hopes that she will meet some of his emotional needs.

Usually it starts off with a man venting to his ex about how bad his current relationship is going which can look something like this,

So, when you look at the message above what do you think an ex boyfriend would be trying to accomplish by venting about his current relationship to you?

Well, there are a couple of things that he could be doing here.

Thing One- He wants to vent about his frustrations with his current relationship and trusts you enough to listen to him.

Thing Two- He knows that you have the ability to make him feel better about the situation. So, in other words he wants you to make him feel better about the situation and maybe raise his self confidence a bit.

If Your Exes Girlfriend Pushes Him Away And He Contacts You Does It Help Or Hurt Your Chances?

Lets think about this very logically.

If you are extremely happy in your relationship do you contact your ex?

The logical answer is no.

Obviously there are circumstances where you have to contact an ex if things like pets or kids are involved but for the most part if you are happy you won’t contact an ex.

So, when we put our logic hats on and when we look at a situation where your ex boyfriend is unhappy in his relationship and he contacts you as a result of that then that is definitely a good sign if you want him back.

Let me put this in another way for you to understand.

An ex boyfriend who is having trouble with his current significant other is a more likely to leave her and come back to you than an ex boyfriend who is doing great with his significant other.

Reason Four- He Is Just Being Friendly

Lets do another hypothetical situation since we always have so much fun when we do those .

Lets say that you break up with your ex boyfriend because he isn’t giving you enough attention. Of course, after the breakup he immediately moves on to someone else. Him moving on so fast kind of stings you a bit but you know you’ll survive given some time.

Of course, after some time does pass you begin to realize that you have have made a mistake breaking up with your boyfriend because time has revealed that life just isn’t the same without him. The only problem now is that he has moved on and appears to be happy in his relationship with his new girlfriend.

You begin thinking to yourself,

“There is no way I can get back with him so why should I even try?’

Ah… at last some logic kicks in, right?

You decide to move on and forget your ex boyfriend since it is a lost cause and just when you think you are ready to turn the corner and be free of your feelings for your ex you get a text from him that looks like this,

What does it mean?

All of a sudden out of the blue your ex texts you? Is he trying to get back with you? Is he unhappy in his relationship and looking for reassurance from you? Does he have the grass is greener syndrome?

Nope…

Turns out, some men just like being friendly with their exes with no extra intentions other than being friendly.

Are Most Men Friendly With Their Exes?

I have a bit of a confession to make.

I actually don’t understand how some men can be friends with their exes. In fact, I never have and I have to say that when I go by my own experience in this life it is rare to find a man that is on really good terms with his ex.

(Which I suppose is good news for if you are trying to win your ex boyfriend back.)

You see, in my opinion most men can’t be friends with their exes since all kinds of emotional and physical baggage is involved.

Think of it like this.

As much as you try to convince yourself otherwise you are never going to be able to just be friends with someone who you used to,

• Say “I love you” to.
• Sleep with (as in sex.)
• Cuddle with very intimately.
• Held hands with.
• Kissed passionately.
• I think you get the idea.

I am a guy and I have had friends of the opposite sex and let me tell you have I never done any of the above with them.

I have never said “I love you” to them..

I have never had sex with them…

I have never cuddled with them…

I have never held hands with them…

I have never kissed them…

In fact, isn’t it all of that stuff that separates friends from boyfriends or girlfriends?

I  guess the point I am trying to make here is that most men won’t truly be friends with their exes because they understand that once you open Pandora’s box of dating there is no going back. However, every once in a while you will get a guy who just wants to be friendly for the sake of being friendly after a breakup and it is important for you to recognize the signs to decipher if your ex is doing this to you.

What are some of the signs?

I’m glad you asked.

Signs Your Ex Is Just Trying To Be Friendly With You

I think its important to remember that we are focusing in on a specific situation here.

If your ex boyfriend contacts you when he has a new girlfriend.

Turns out that, that new girlfriend is going to be a bit of a factor on if your ex is just contacting you for the sake of being friendly (though I personally think that exes can’t really ever be friends the way they were before they started dating.) Study your exes new relationship and determine if he is really happy with his new girlfriend.

If your ex is extremely happy with her then it could be possible that he was just reaching out to you to check up on you and be nice and he has no intentions of things progressing further than that.

The next thing that I think you should take a look at is his past romantic history. How did his breakups go?

Were they knock out, drag out fights where he completely cut his ex out of his life?

or

Were they relatively calm where he really didn’t have much bad to say about his exes?

If his past breakups were calm then maybe it’s just in his personality to be a peacekeeper.

A lot of figuring out if your ex is just being friendly is going to revolve around your own knowledge of his personality. So, make sure you put your thinking cap on here.

Is It Good or Bad For My Chances Of Winning Him Back If He Is Just Being Friendly?

It is definitely NOT GOOD for your chances if your ex is just being friendly.

I mean, the whole reason he is just being friendly towards you is just to keep the peace or maybe he is just a nice person like that.

So, when we look at your overall chances of winning him back things in this instance things aren’t looking so great.

Reason Five- He Wants Sex

(Disclaimer- I have decided that I am going to be brutally honest about what men think about sex for you ladies in this section. Some of what I say may definitely disturb you so I just want to give you a heads up before I get going here.)

Sex is an incredible motivator for a man.

I mean, you won’t believe the things that men are capable of doing when sex enters the equation. Sex makes us all a little crazy to be honest. Sometimes that crazy translates into good and sometimes it translates into bad.

For example, some men will grow extremely attached to the woman that they sleep with. The will commit to her like no other and love her until the day they die and in a weird way it can all be tracked back to sex or the love that these men have for their women as a result of sex. This would be an example of the good kind of crazy that leads to life long commitments and happy endings.

Now, the bad kind of crazy is what we are going to be looking at exclusively in this section.

Want an example of the bad kind of crazy.

Ok, sex can make some men so crazy that they are willing to cheat on their girlfriends with someone else just because they want that 5 second feeling over and over again and just being with one woman isn’t enough.

You know how much I love giving examples right?

Well, try this one on for size.

A Frightening Example

Imagine for a moment that you and your ex boyfriend dated for five years.

Now, five years is a pretty long time to date someone so towards the end neither of you did anything to keep your relationship fresh so he ended up breaking up with you citing this exact reason,

“Things are kind of boring with us. We do the same stuff all the time and I need more excitement in my life.”

So, just like all of  the “fun” examples on this page your ex boyfriend moves on to someone else and starts dating her. Around the six month mark you get a call from your ex and you notice that he is extremely flirty with you. Now, you haven’t quite gotten over the breakup since 5 years is a long time and you just aren’t as quick with dealing with your feelings as he is so you welcome the flirting.

Of course, then the flirting evolves into something else… something sexual.

At first you are a little alarmed since he does have a girlfriend but your own feelings override your logic and you are just happy to be looked as a sexual being again.

Pretty soon he is asking to see you and it is very apparent what is on his mind, sex.

So, here is my question for you.

What is happening here?

A number of things could be happening. Maybe his new girlfriend isn’t satisfying his physical needs properly. Maybe he compared her to you in bed and you won the comparison (GIGS anyone?) Maybe he is trying to set up a friends with benefits relationship with you.

Whatever the case, the fact that he is willing to cheat on his current girlfriend with you is a major red flag.

Lets take a step back for a second and look at his perspective for a bit. Particularly this friends with benefits idea.

His Opinion Of Friends With Benefits With An Ex

If everything works out in his warped world here is what will happen.

He will continue to get sex from his current girlfriend while at the same time having you on the hook enough to believe in this friends with benefits idea so he can get sex from you too. So, not only is he going to be getting a ton of sex on a regular basis which is a prospect good enough for any man to celebrate (FYI I am talking about sex on a regular basis not the cheating/friends with benefits) but he will also get the excitement of having two lovers.

To him having you on the side is a very attractive prospect.

But why go after an ex?

Why not make a new friend and set up a friends with benefits type of relationship with her?

The answer is that it takes too long and that he is lazy. He already knows he has gotten you in the past. He probably assumes you still have feelings for him and he is manipulative enough to leverage those feelings to his advantage. To him you are just the easiest lay…

But What If I Sleep With Him And He Leaves Her For Me?

Ok, I want to make one thing abundantly clear.

Any man who is willing to cheat on his current girlfriend with his ex (which would be you in this case) is not a man worth pursuing.

I am not ruling out the possibility that he could leave her for you but in my experience this is extremely rare. Usually what happens is that the girlfriend finds out he is cheating on her, she breaks up with him and you are the logical choice to keep sleeping with until he can find another girl.

Please don’t fall for this.

I am begging you.

Oh, and I don’t think I have to tell you if your chances are good for getting him back if he tries to sleep with you when he has a new girlfriend.

HINT HINT… They aren’t.

 

This might be the most personal thing that I have ever written in my entire life.

I want you to know that the contents of this article are without a doubt my most precious experiences on this earth and if I were to die tomorrow I know for a fact that I would be at peace with how my love life has gone. I am truly a very lucky man.

In 2013 I started this website with the intent of helping women in their relationships.

So, for almost two years I have sat at my computer listening to your very personal stories without really sharing much information about my own personal life. Now, some of you may have taken offense to that but I am very guarded around my personal life and I don’t really like sharing all the details for everyone to know.

Well, today that is going to change.

Today you are going to learn my story.

Why Hearing My Story Will Help You Find Your Soulmate

I am all about showing women a mans perspective on things.

Every day someone asks me,

“Why did my ex do that?”

or

“Why is my ex with her over me?”

or

“What the heck is going on in his head???”

And every single day I do my very best to write things that will give you insight into why men do the things they do. Well, wouldn’t you like a mans perspective on what it’s like to fall madly in love with someone? Wouldn’t you like to know what it takes for a woman to make a man do this?

Something tells me you would like to know that.

I mean, what woman wouldn’t want a man to worship the ground she walks on?

Well, that’s where my story comes in.

After hearing my story you will probably do one of the following,

1. Cry (with happiness)
2. Be filled with hope
3. Make some serious changes into how you approach attracting men.

(My goal is to make you do all three.)

My Story

I personally believe that I have experienced one of the greatest love stories of all time.

Why do I have this belief?

It probably has something to do with the incredible year I have had in 2014.

Hmm… but before I get into that maybe its a good idea for me to tell you about where I was in my life before this incredible year.

Me In 2013

I remember I took this picture on December 25th last year.

Why do I remember that?

For starters, I remember “The Wolf of Wall Street” came out that day and I really wanted to see it. I also remember that it was the first day that I have ever worn a scarf in my entire life.

(Cut me a break I am from Texas.)

Turns out that it was pretty cold that day so I got to wear a scarf with my nice leather jacket out to see the movie which was actually pretty exciting for me because I love the way it looks.

Now, I know what you are thinking.

“Oh, you must have went to the movies with your girlfriend on Christmas, right?”

Nope, turns out that my date for the night was my mom and dad. I remember that part so clearly because I was actually quite lonely. It had actually been quite a bit of time since I had dated anyone. Now, I wouldn’t ever let my parents or anyone close know that I was lonely because to me that was like admitting defeat.

I mean, I am very self sufficient person and relying on anyone for help seemed like a weak move to me.

Besides, I would be engrossed in the stories at Ex Boyfriend Recovery and I would think to myself,

“I can’t let them know that I am lonely too. They might not respect me. I need to have it together.”

Yup, a year later I am ready to admit that during this time last year I was very lonely and sad that I was the beacon of light for so many of you when I didn’t feel like I deserved that title.

It just really sucks to be alone on the holidays. In fact, I remember that there was this one moment around Christmas of 2013 that I went for a walk at night by myself to look at the Chirstmas lights.

There was this eerie moment of clarity where I thought to myself,

“I feel like a fraud. Here I am putting on a happy face for all the people on Ex Boyfriend Recovery when in reality I am really unhappy with how my own love life is going.”

As my walk continued I stopped to look at this house all decked out with Christmas lights. The house looked like the epitome of Christmas spirit and near one of the front windows I spotted a beautiful Christmas tree with all kinds of presents scattered around it. When I saw that tree all I could think was,

“How great would it be to have someone to spend Christmas with? How great would it be to have a family to call my own and to share Christmas with?”

You see, for me there was nothing I really wanted more for Christmas than having someone to love me.

That was where I was at in my life at the end of 2013.

I Have An Unfair Advantage

This may sound a little weird but I think I have an unfair advantage over most men when it comes to relationships due to the popularity of this site.

While I may be a celebrity in some circles I am not talking about popularity here.

No, I am talking about my experience with relationships. Now, I will admit that I don’t really have a very big past. I haven’t dated too much because I am extremely picky. Some may look at that and think to themselves,

“That’s not experience at all. How can you make that claim?”

Well, my experience comes from watching people fail at their relationships. In other words, I have been through boyfriend bootcamp.

Boyfriend Bootcamp

I am going to be honest with you. It’s depressing hearing so many stories of breakups. Sometimes I really struggle with it. It’s kind of hard not to become jaded after a while. It’s hard to witness men and women do horrible things to each other. I mean, I am a human being with insecurities just like all of you and watching people cheat on each other or betray each other in the worst ways really picks at my own insecurities and can make them worse sometimes.

Of course, that is the negative that goes along with breakups. Believe it or not but there is some positive that comes from it too.

I am of the mind that I like to learn from other peoples mistakes instead of my own. So, while I always give it my all when trying to help people I am also making mental notes of what not to do and what type of personalities do certain things.

For example, because I have seen so much through this site I understand that people who are a higher risk of cheating on me are women who,

1. Spend a lot of time with male friends.
2. Go out partying a lot.
3. Who aren’t strong willed.

As a result, any woman that I would meet with has these characteristics would be immediately crossed off my list for dating because I know they would probably cheat on me given the right circumstance. I have also used your breakups to my advantage by figuring out how men wronged you and doing the opposite of that.

For example, I know that the following behavior in relationships is a recipe for disaster,

• Being controlling
• Getting into a lot of fights over pointless things
• Being possessive
• Not communicating your needs
• Being manipulative
• Lying
• Not spending enough time with your significant other
• Not helping around the house
• Fighting over money
• Not listening

I learned all of this from listening to peoples breakup stories. So, my unfair advantage is that because I have so much experience in seeing these types of mistakes I know I have to avoid them if I ever hope to have a successful relationship. In other words, this site has been training me to treat my significant other properly.

Speaking of significant others…

How I Met Jennifer

Friday December 27th, 2013…

At the time it just seemed like a normal day. Nothing was too special about it to be honest.

However, 347 days later I consider it to be one of the most important days of my life.

So, what happened on that day?

Well, that’s the day I met Jennifer.

What’s it like seeing your soulmate for the first time?

Like a dream.

How did I meet her?

Well, I happened to be scrolling through Facebook around the middle of the day on December 27th and I stumbled across a video of a beautiful woman giving this little girl a present for Christmas. Something about it touched me on a very deep level. In that moment I think I was just so fed up of hearing so many depressing stories of people being hurtful to each other that to see something so genuine really made me smile.

I was determined to find out more about this woman.

Turns out we had a few mutual friends but neither of us had never talked to each other.

So, I did what any self respecting man would do with a crush with a woman who he hasn’t even met would do, I looked through her Facebook.

I started with the pictures.

Here is what I found,

and

and

“Ok, so clearly this girl is out of my league…”

Was the thought that literally crossed my mind as I was looking through her pictures.

Seriously, even before I had talked to Jennifer I knew that she was drop dead gorgeous which is always a little annoying to me because I knew that if I did work up the courage to talk to her I was going to be extra self conscious about my own looks.

It’s funny, one thing I have noticed about myself over the years is that when I talk to someone who I consider attractive I am always self conscious about how I look and whenever I talk to someone who I don’t consider attractive I am never self conscious about my looks.

So, let me put this in perspective for you.

The woman pictured above, Jennifer, is without a doubt the most beautiful girl that I have ever “gone after” romantically so I knew that I was going to be self conscious about my looks if I did meet her but I am getting a little ahead of myself here.

You see, Jennifer is a goddess and with a goddess you don’t just message them out of the blue with a generic message like,

“Hey, I think your really pretty and I would love to take you out for a drink sometime.”

No, if you hope to win the heart of a goddess you have to be a little more subtle. Oh, and under no circumstances can you mention their looks. You see, women that look like that are used to those types of compliments. Besides, to me while looks do matter a human beings personality is just as important.

So, I decided to take the risk and message her on Facebook about how sweet I thought the video of her and the little girl opening the present was.

Oh, and if there are any men out there reading this then I want you to know that the only reason that I did end up getting a response from Jennifer here was because I was genuine in how I felt about the video. I seriously thought it was one of the sweetest things ever.

It took her a while but she eventually responded and we started getting to know each other.

I learned quite a bit about her but maybe I should mention the most troubling thing first.

I lived in Texas and she lived in Pennsylvania…

I was disappointed when I heard this because I really didn’t believe in long distance relationships but I am getting ahead of myself again.

One thing I want to make crystal clear was that Jennifer intimidated me and as weird as this sounds it attracted me to her.

Intimidation Factor 1- Her Looks

This one is pretty self explanatory.

Just look at those pictures above and that’s just the tip of the iceberg to how good she looks. Jennifer is clearly a beautiful woman and what made it intimidating for me is the fact that I have never dated anyone that comes close to looking like how she looks. As corny as this may be she for me to say she is without a doubt the most beautiful woman I have ever met.

Believe me, for a guy talking to a woman like that is intimidating.

Intimidation Factor 2- Her Job

She wasn’t playing around at a silly job just trying to make enough money for a party on the weekend.

No, she had an actual career and when she told me her job title I remember thinking to myself,

“Wow, she is going to be like the future vice president of some Fortune 500 company some day.”

In fact, it intimidated me so much that I was kind of embarrassed at my job. I mean, me saying that I help women get their exes back isn’t exactly impressive unless you say it the right way.

Intimidation Factor 3- Her Intelligence

This is going to sound horrible but the women that I have been on dates with in the past weren’t very intelligent. Sure, here and there, there were some that could be considered intelligent but I can’t tell you how many times I have sat across from a date and thought to myself,

“Wow, I am way smarter than her.”

Now, some guys may find this attractive but I never have.

What I really want is someone who is my equal. I want someone who is extremely intelligent and who has a strong moral compass and just by talking with Jennifer a few days on Facebook I found her to possess these qualities

Why was this intimidating to me?

Because I was in uncharted territory.

I haven’t ever met anyone quite like her before.

It was exciting.

A Mans Perspective On Winning The Heart Of A Goddess

Trust me when I say that it’s not easy to get a girl like the one pictured above (that’s her by the way .)

You have to put your heart and soul into the effort and even then there is no guarantee that you will come out victorious. It’s funny, some guys play games when they get an opportunity like this.

You know how it is.

They will talk to multiple women at the same time and then after a long time pick one to end up with.

I was never like this.

I have always been an all or nothing kind of guy. I would focus in on one person and only focus on that person.

What’s my reasoning for this?

I just know that I would be hurt if I found out that someone who I was developing strong feelings for was talking to a million other guys the same way she was talking to me. Besides, I am not wired the way most men are I think. I really can’t develop feelings for more than one person at the same time.

In this particular case I think my all or nothing attitude served me well as it proved to her that I wasn’t playing games.

You see, getting a woman like this isn’t meant to be easy and I am glad that it wasn’t easy.

Why?

Because, it forced me to take massive action.

Allow me to expand.

Jennifer and I had a lot of obstacles to overcome and of course that means that I had to be the one to figure out a way to overcome most of them.

(After all, I am the man and that is what a man is supposed to do in my opinion.)

The First Obstacle

Jennifer and I first made contact with each other on December 27th of 2013 through Facebook.

We have talked every day since that day (even to this day obviously.)

(Fun Side Note: I have never had a relationship where that has happened for me. Where from the beginning I was that close with someone. So, I definitely knew that she was extremely special from the get go.)

Of course, I said above that we lived in separate states which prevented us from meeting each other.

So, our first obstacle was the fact that even though we were developing feelings for each other we hadn’t met each other and neither of us was going to fully commit to someone until we were sure and that required us to meet each other.

The Solution To This Obstacle

Jennifer was actually the one that came up with the solution to this obstacle. She suggested very early on that if our feelings continued to develop for each other we should meet on neutral ground in Daytona Beach, Florida for Bike Week. You see, her parents had a house there. Now, and I am sure a lot of you are going to laugh, when she told me that she wanted to meet me for Bike Week in Daytona I literally thought Bike Week was a parade of bicycles.

Ya…

Not even close.

Turns out Bike Week is pretty wild…

This was definitely a little out of my comfort zone because I was not that big into parties or motorcycles and that seemed to be all that this week was about.

I remember when she first proposed the idea to me I was a little afraid for a number of reasons. Firstly, I was going to be out of my element, out of my state and thrown directly into a hornets nest where she would definitely be judging me on if I was good enough for her.

Speaking of the hornets nest, I would be meeting her parents on DAY ONE. In other words, while I had been talking to Jennifer for a month and was getting a pretty good gauge on her I hadn’t technically met her yet. So, I would meet her and her parents for the first time together, something I have never done before.

Oh, and then you add in the fact that while technically we were in neutral ground in Florida she was still at an advantage because we would be at her house. If something went wrong between us she would have the support of her family right there and I would be labeled public enemy number one.

It was definitely a big risk that I thought about a lot but ultimately I came to the conclusion that a girl like this was worth the risk.

Here is how I looked at it.

Getting a girl like this requires you to step outside of your comfort zone. If you want to have any chance of winning a girls heart like this you have to be willing to take that risk and I was.

I purchased my airplane tickets to see her on March 12th – 18th about a month in advance.

We had been talking for a total of around 60 days at that point.

March 16th, 2014 (The Day I Fell In Love)

I was set to meet Jennifer on March 12th, 2014.

By buying my plane ticket to Daytona Beach, Florida I had to make sure this relationship worked. I knew that she had feelings for me and she knew that I had feelings for her but neither of us were willing to make things official until we had met in person.

I think I looked at the situation much differently than her though.

You see, she looked at it as a win-win situation. If things didn’t work out between us the worst she got out of the experience was a friend. For me, if things didn’t work out the worst that I would get out of it was heartbroken. Yes, I had already developed those types of feelings for her.

I approached every interaction I had with Jennifer with that type of intensity.

If there was ever a girl worth going all out for this was the girl. I thought of everything imaginable that she could use as a reason for us not to work out and I had an answer to every single one.

Seriously, I was this intense a month before meeting her.

I almost felt like I was preparing for a test and if I failed I would literally be dead inside.

Failure was not an option.

I thought about what I would say to her parents.

I thought about how I need to go outside of my comfort zone.

I literally became obsessive about it.

I wanted her more than I think I have ever wanted anything in my entire life and I was going to do everything in my power to get her.

In fact, my feelings for her had grown so strong that I was willing to change my outlook on a major statement I had made about long distance relationships. If you pull up my article on long distance relationships you can clearly see that I am not fond of LDR’s.

In fact, I think I even go as far as saying that I would never ever do one…

Well, what can I say?

I changed my mind because I met the girl of my dreams and it just so happened that the only way we could be together was through a long distance relationship?

Ya, I think I’ll go with that.

So, I bet you are dying to know how meeting her went?

Saying “I Love You”

Saying “I love you” is a very big deal to me.

In fact, it’s a HUGE deal.

Throwing that word around isn’t something that I do very often. You know how sometimes women will say “I love you” to their friends without it really meaning that they love them “like that?”It’s more of just a casual way of saying “I like you.”

I never do that.

I understand that some of you may not agree with my thoughts on this and that’s ok but for me I only say “I love you” to people who I truly love and honestly that is a very short list of people.

Yes, I do like a lot of my friends but I don’t love them. I wouldn’t take a bullet for them. I wouldn’t be willing to do anything for them.

When I love someone they get those things.

It’s special to me and I don’t like throwing it around that often.

Those three words are that significant for me. So significant in fact that it takes me a very long time to develop that kind of love for someone and even longer for me to verbalize it.

Four Days

Would you like to know the incredible thing about Jennifer?

It only took me four days…

FOUR freaking days for me to verbalize those words. That is how strong I felt for her.

I never used to understand people who would say,

“When you know, you know.”

Or people who would say stuff like,

“I just knew…”

I never used to understand statements like that.

It was baffling to me that someone could fall in love that fast. Well, now I understand it because I have been a slave to it. What I felt with Jennifer when I met her was so strong that I knew for a fact that she was going to be in my life forever. Whats even better is that she felt it too because when I said, “I love you” to her she said it right back.

Ah, but here is the awesome thing.

She didn’t give me the generic, “I love you too” response.

No, she matched my “I love you” with another “I love you.”

She doesn’t know this because I haven’t told her but that meant a lot to me. It was like a more powerful version of “I love you too.”

I bet you are wondering how I know the exact date I told Jennifer “I love you” on.

Well, I will always remember that day because of how happy we both were and how perfect it was. I mean, it isn’t often that you get the perfect stage to say, “I love you” on.

I took her on a Ferris Wheel as you can see in the picture below,

(It is saved in my phone as March 16th, 2014)

Below is a picture later in the night of the full moon that we had over the beach.

I told her that I loved her while walking alongside the beach with the full moon shining bright.

It was perfect but the setting wasn’t what made it perfect for me. It was having the right person there next to me to share the experience with.

A Serious Obstacle To Overcome

Ok, so now that Chris and Jennifer are officially a couple all is right in the world, right?

Eh, not so much.

By this point it was clear that Jennifer and I cared for each other on a very deep and intense level but neither of us were blinded by the serious obstacle that stood in our way.

We were still separated by a considerable amount of distance (TX and PA)

I had been planning for a talk about this issue for a long time and now that both of us had given the go ahead for the relationship we were ready to work together to figure out a solution. You see, that’s why Jennifer is so great. I feel like if you put a normal couple in the same situation they pick at each other until a fight occurs.

It is never that way with Jennifer. I always feel like we work together on things as opposed to fighting on them.

Any time there is ever a problem in our relationship we both sit down and figure out how to work through it and without a doubt being forced so early into a situation where you have to figure out something like distance is a very tough test for a young couple.

We both talked and agreed that neither of us were a fan of long distance relationships so it went without saying that the distance couldn’t last for long.

That meant that one of two things had to occur.

1. One of us had to move to the other one.
2. We both would have to move to neutral ground.

We looked at our options and immediately concluded that it was a dumb idea to move to neutral ground as that would be harder on everyone involved. No, the logical choice in this situation is that someone is going to have to move.

Jennifer already had a career in Pennsylvania so it would be asking a lot of her to pick up her life to move to Texas when I work from home and all I really need is a laptop and an internet connection to help people with relationships. Therefore, it made more sense if I made the move up to Pennsylvania for her.

I just had one request.

If I was willing to make such a sacrifice (because picking up your life and moving is definitely a sacrifice) I wanted to know that she was just as committed to me as I was to her so I requested that we had to live together in Pennsylvania.

To my delight she agreed without hesitation.

However, like always, she one upped me.

She requested that if we do move in together to not make her wait around too long for a deeper commitment like marriage.

Oh goody, it was like we were fencing and she won by stabbing me right in the heart with a love sword (too corny?)

My point is that I was even more delighted to hear that because I was looking for that type of a commitment as well.

So, it was settled…

The plan was that I was going to move to Pennsylvania and we would live happily ever after.

Just one problem…

I could see in her face that she was skeptical.

I guess I couldn’t blame her. She had been wronged quite a bit in her past and it was fair of her to wonder if she was just setting herself up for heartbreak once again. I mean, who the hell moves for love?

I have seriously, not met anyone in my life that has done that and I am sure she hasn’t either.

I guess I just had to prove to her how serious I was.

What I Learned About Long Distance Relationships

I was in a long distance relationship from March 19th to August 9th which is a total of 143 days.

143 days = 4 months and 21 days.

Hmm… perhaps it would be more accurate if I said that I survived a long distance relationship for 143 days.

I have to say, being in a long distance relationship is not very fun.

However, I did learn a lot about myself and my relationship with Jennifer during that time.

These are the lessons I learned.

The Dynamic Of Our Long Distance Relationship (How We Made It Work)

When I look back to that time of our relationship the thing that I think really helped us thrive was the fact that we had a common goal and both of us sacrificed to achieve that goal.

What was the goal?

For us to move in together by having me move from Texas to Pennsylvania

This goal kind of shaped our mindset while in the relationship so that we were both convinced that this distance was only temporary. In other words, it gave us something to work towards rather than both of us just wasting time. Now, one thing that we have been good at is that we were in constant contact with each other.

This is how a typical day would work for us during that time.

I would wake up around 10:30 A.M. and immediately glance at my phone hoping that there would be a “good morning” text from her. Usually there would be one. This would kick our day off and while we both worked we would text each other constantly. Usually on her lunch break she would give me a call and we would get to talk on the phone for a good 35 – 60 minutes. After that phone call we would usually text each other for the rest of the day until she got off work at 5 P.M. her time (4 P.M. my time.)

When she would get off work she would usually call me and we would talk on the phone for another hour or two. By then she had gotten home and wanted to get some dinner so we would give the other person some time to enjoy the rest of the day and then usually we would call each other an hour or two before bed and talk.

That was literally the dynamic of our relationship for 143 days.

Now, this begs an interesting question.

Having a digital romance can only last for so long. Eventually each person involved in the relationship is going to get antsy and want to see each other in person. So, how often would we actually see each other in person?

In the four months that we were in a long distance relationship together we made a total of four trips to see each other. So, we averaged about one trip a month to see one another which is about the national average for a long distance couple I learned.

In all I took three trips out to see her and she took one trip to see me. It only made sense that I visit her more since our common goal was for me to move there. Our trips to see each other usually lasted anywhere from three to five days.

Now, above I did mention that the common goal we were both working towards was moving in together. I also mentioned that we both made sacrifices to make this goal happen. One of the sacrifices she had to make was leaving her current living situation and finding a new one for us.

So, while in our long distance relationship together we both began looking at apartments that we could live together in. Eventually she found a few candidates that we both agreed were suitable and during one of my trips up to Pennsylvania we went apartment hunting. After some thought we both agreed on one and things were extremely exciting.

There was just one problem…

When we went apartment hunting it was at the beginning of May and we wouldn’t be able to move in together until August 9th…

It crushed me.

I was so in love and I was tired of waiting.

I have been waiting to be this happy for pretty much my entire life and there it was, happiness, being dangled right in my face but I had to wait before my dream of living with the perfect woman was a reality.

The Sadness And Darkness Of Waiting

What I am about to tell you are the things that they don’t tell you about long distance relationships.

There is a sadness and a darkness about them.

I am not going to lie to you. Being in a long distance relationship changed me. I actually think it changes everyone who has ever experienced one. It’s the ultimate test of will and patience and looking back I don’t think I did well in that test. Jennifer always praised me for my patience but the truth is I wanted to scream half the time I was in Texas because of how impatient I felt.

To me, it literally felt like I was living moment to moment and the only cure for the pain was hearing Jennifers voice.

It calmed me and made me think everything was going to be ok in the end.

Never before had I felt like such a slave to love.

My heart leapt with joy every time she texted.

I just about had a heart attack of happiness when she would call. I looked forward to her calls after she got off of work every day. In fact, towards the end of the day I was growing so impatient with waiting that I would literally pace around my room constantly staring at my phone hoping that her call would come soon.

This is the pain of a long distance relationship.

It prevents you from focusing on healthy activities like working out, doing well at work or even socializing with friends or family at times. All you want is to see that one person in your world that you know can make things better and for me that was Jennifer.

For the first time I finally understood what women on this site were feeling when they missed their loved ones. Though I hadn’t technically lost Jennifer in a way it felt like I did. Every day I didn’t see her was another day that I was fighting to hold myself together.

I can honestly say that I have never met anyone that has had that affect on me.

I have dated before but no one ever came close to how I felt about this woman.

All I would have to look forward to during that time were the times I would get to see her in person (which was only four times in four months) and the fact that on August 9th we would be moving in together.

I know in the grand scheme of things four months doesn’t seem like a long time to wait but to me it felt like an eternity.

It’s like there’s this darkness that fills you up and follows you around wherever you go and the only medicine for it is administered by a woman whose name is Jennifer.

When You Know, You Know

I remember the exact moment when I knew that I was going to ask her to marry me.

The funny thing was that we hadn’t even moved in together yet and I knew. I know that sounds crazy but I just knew.

What was the moment?

It was actually when she came to visit me in Texas. One of the days she came down there I decided that I was going to take her to one of the most romantic places I could think of (which to be honest there aren’t too many in Texas.) The romantic place I chose was the Riverwalk which is located in San Antonio.

We spent the entire day walking around, taking in the sights and just enjoying each other.

At night she spotted this horse carriage and made a comment about how she had never been in one before,

I took that as a challenge because I definitely wanted to be the first and last person she ever rode in a carriage with so I grabbed her hand and together we tracked down where the carriages were coming from.

Do you think we found it?

Of course!

As we rode in the carriage both of us were enjoying the moment. I remember thinking to myself,

“I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe how lucky I am to have found someone like her. I’m going to marry this woman.”

Of course, I was also very curious as to what was going on in her mind so I asked her,

“What’s are you thinking?”

I won’t ever forget her response.

“I think we are going to end up together in the end.”

I was so glad to have found someone that was on the exact same wavelength as me.

The Proposal

I started planning Jennifer’s proposal on May 20th of 2014 and it wasn’t fully completed until August 22nd of 2014.

That means I was planning this thing for a total of 94 days or just a little over three months.

At the beginning it was just supposed to be a simple proposal. I had initially just planned to make a nice little video recapping our relationship and propose to her that way but then I did the worst thing ever. One day out of curiosity I went to YouTube to see what some of the other guys out there were doing in their proposals and I stumbled across this…

I watched the whole thing and after it was over it became blatantly obvious to me that I couldn’t do some silly little video for Jennifer.

No, this was my soulmate. The one person in the world that I was planning on spending the rest of my life with. There was no way that she was going to get some weak proposal that just any guy can do. I wanted to make a proposal that touched her as much as the woman was touched by the proposal in the video above.

I wanted to be the man who gave her a proposal story that none of her friends could even come close to topping.

The question was how?

How can I make a proposal on that level?

I know, I’ll make one of her dreams come true.

No, it needs to be better than that.

I think I need to make all of her dreams come true!

What Are Jennifer’s Dreams?

Before we started dating and Jennifer and I were still in the “talking” stage of our relationship we had a conversation that would forever shape our future together.

What was the conversation about?

It was about her dreams in life.

She really had three main ones and after I heard them I will admit that I had this strong urge to be the one to make them come true. The conversation always stuck with me and I definitely used it as inspiration for my proposal to her.

Dream #1- Drinking Wine In Front Of A Fireplace With Her Husband

This one was going to be pretty easy to achieve since the apartment we got has a fireplace and by proposing to her (and her accepting my proposal) I would be her husband. So, all we needed then was the wine which is pretty easy to get.

Dream #2- Riding In A Hot Air Balloon With Someone Special

Ever since she was a little girl Jennifer has always dreamed about riding in a hot air balloon. Making this dream come true wasn’t as challenging as the third dream below (more on that in a second.) Really the biggest challenge with this one was deciding on whether to do a regular hot air balloon flight (with up to 8 other people in the basket) or to do a private hot air balloon flight.

Which one do you think I opted to take her on?

The private flight of course!

Dream #3- To One Day Visit Paris

This one was a b*tch to plan.

I did it but I am not going to lie it was extremely hard. This is part of why it took so long to plan out the entire proposal.

How did I do it?

Well, this is a video (that I created for Jennifer) describing how I did it,

Basically I created a website, got it established and sold it for around $6,000 which was enough money to stay in Paris for 5 days.

I bought the tickets for us and everything two months in advance of the trip which I scheduled for October 17th to October 21st.

How I Proposed

I had been planning this proposal for what seemed like forever and I was determined to make sure everything went perfectly.

Here was my plan.

(The exact plan I had before we moved in together.)

On August 22nd, 13 days after we had moved in together I was going to propose to Jennifer and attempt to catch her completely off guard.

My plan was that she would get off work around 5 P.M. and when she got home she would be greeted with a path of rose petals

These rose petals would guide her to a TV that would play a video that I made basically set everything up. It was narrated by me and recapped our entire relationship, told her that I was about to make all of her dreams come true.

You know how these things are ;).

Anyways, at the end of the video I directed her to go to the bedroom where she would be greeted by something that looked like this,

On the bed there was a note explaining to her that I had gotten her a private flight in a hot air balloon on September 27th. Then at the end of that note I directed her to walk to my desk.

As she got to my desk she would notice that there was another note that directed her to turn on the computer. It gave her special instructions and led her to a website that I had created just for her,

Basically the website told her that her dream of going to Paris had just come true and explained how I pulled the whole trip together. After she finished reading the website I directed her to go over to the fireplace in our apartment so I could make her final dream of having a husband and drinking wine by a fireplace come true.

I got on one knee right there. A place that I knew held a lot of sentimental value for her.

So, now that you have heard how I planned my proposal to Jennifer how do you think it went?

How The Proposal Went

God, wouldn’t it be horrible if she said no?

I mean, in total I have written 7,351 words up until this point and what if I told you this epic love story for nothing. Well, I am happy to say that this love story does have a happy ending.

She said YES!

I bet you are wondering about the other dreams come true right?

Well, lets start with the husband and the fireplace. You have already met the husband (me) so here is a look at our fireplace.

Notice the wine and two wine glasses to the left there.

The hot air balloon?

Here are some of our adventures in the hot air balloon,

Yep, this is actually our hot air balloon. Turns out that there was another hot air balloon that went up at the same time as ours and we made friends with a few of the people on that hot air balloon. They took pictures of our balloon while we took pictures of theirs.

Here is a picture of Jennifer showing off her ring in the hot air balloon,

(You can see the other hot air balloon in the distance.)

Probably the coolest part about going on a hot air balloon for me was the landing. Our pilot literally landed us in someones backyard. I’m not kidding!

To make things cooler was the fact that the backyard we landed in was an 8 year old’s birthday party. Here is a picture of all the little kids helping us put the balloon up,

It was truly an experience like no other.

Oh, and Paris?

Have you ever heard of this love lock tradition in Paris?

Apparently in Paris it is tradition to put a lock on a bridge to symbolize your everlasting love. Once you put your lock on the bridge and lock the lock you throw the key into the river below. This is a tradition that Jennifer and I took part in. We think we found a pretty good spot to put our lock too!

Can you see our lock on the bridge?

No?

Allow me to give you a closer look,

Obviously, Seiter is my our last name. However, I bet you wondering what the 11-11-14 means?

That is the date that we had our wedding planned for!

The Wedding

Have you ever heard the phrase,

“It’s 11:11 make a wish.”

Jennifer and I thought it would be perfect to have our wedding on November 11th or 11/11/14 since our relationship has been so magical it would literally become a dream come true.

The only question was where we should have it. Neither of us were super religious so we didn’t really want a wedding in a church. One thing that both of us did love though was the beach. We figured it would bring things full circle if we had a nice small ceremony for family and friends on the beach in Key West.

So, on 11/11/14 Jennifer and I tied the knot in a beautiful small beach ceremony.

(Photos Taken By Acromatico)

Truly a happy ending!

My Parting Words

I have never loved anyone or anything like I have loved this woman.

Those are the truest words that have ever come out of my mouth.

She is my north star, my reason for being, my life!

Even now at times I have to pinch myself to make sure that I am not living in some sort of dream because it all seems too good to be true. As of this exact moment I am sitting at my desk writing this article and occasionally staring out the window.

It’s snowing out there…

In fact, this is the longest I have ever seen it snow in my entire life. Remember, I moved to PA from Texas so we aren’t used to snow down there. I have never really seen snow like this before. I have to say that it’s very majestic and captivating. There must be millions of snowflakes out there each with its own singular purpose. Some snowflakes are bigger than others while others flutter in the wind to their own tune.

My wife is at work you see and every single weekday from the hours of 7 A.M to 5 P.M. I feel like I am in a long distance relationship again for a short span. I look forward to her every text, her phone calls. Heck, even when I am in a rotten mood I still appreciate her phone calls.

So, you’ll believe me when I tell you that as I am looking out the window right now I can only think one thought,

“I wish she was here…”

Seeing snow for the first time and all I can think about is her. That is the power she has over me. She is the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep.

I know that I will never find anyone better than her. I understand this with perfect clarity.

She is a woman that comes around once in a lifetime and I was fortunate enough to not squander my opportunity with her.

 

Christmas is one of my favorite holidays.

I love the Christmas trees, the Christmas lights and the Christmas spirit that hovers around this time of year.

Of course, there is one thing that I selfishly love more than all of those things…

PRESENTS!

Yup, I absolutely love giving and getting presents for Christmas. Last year around this time I gave the readers of Ex Boyfriend Recovery a pretty great present. If you recall, I gave everyone who was reading the site a 50% OFF DISCOUNT of my E-Book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.

Well, since that time last year I have also come out with another E-Book, The Secrets of Attracting Men.

In other words, I have two books now,

1. Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO
2. The Secrets of Attracting Men

So, here is what I am going to do for you this year. Rather than just give you one 50% OFF DISCOUNT for one E-Book I am going to give you TWO!

How does this work?

Well, I am going to give you 50% off on Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO and 50% off on The Secrets of Attracting Men.

In other words, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO, usually priced at $39.95 is going to cost only $20.

The Secrets of Attracting Men, usually priced at $27 is going to only be $15.

How do you claim these discounts?

Good Question!

How To Claim Your 50% OFF DISCOUNT

Obviously there are two different books you are getting this discount for.

• You are going to want to click this link for Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.
• You want to click this link for The Secrets of Attracting Men.

Once you do that you are going to be taken to a screen that looks like this,

(Click To Enlarge)

What you are really interested in is the section entitled,

Discount Code

Here is what it will look like.

How this works is pretty simple. Basically you put in the discount code that I give you, click “Update Cart” and then you have 50% off.

What is the discount code?

Well, we have two books we are working with here so that means you will have two unique discount codes to play with.

• For Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO the discount code will be = Christmas
• For The Secrets of Attracting Men the discount code will be = ChristmasGift

In other words, once you put those discount codes in you will be able to acquire the E-Books at a much cheaper price.

This is my Christmas gift to you!

Merry Christmas

P.S. This special gift will only last until December 26th. So, make sure you take advantage of it while you can.

 

On February 4th, 2004 the way we looked at relationships forever changed.

What happened on that date?

Well, a little site by the name of Facebook was launched and with Facebook came three little words that are vitally important to relationships, even today.

What are those words?

“In A Relationship”

It’s funny how these three little words can sometimes define relationships. I always used to say that relationships weren’t truly official until both couples updated their Facebook statuses to reflect it and I still kind of believe it.

I want to do something fun here for a moment.

Close your eyes and think of the three happiest, cutest or strongest couples you know.

Have you thought of them?

Yes?

Good!

Ok, now I want you to look those couples up on Facebook and see if their relationship status is either,

A. “In A Relationship”

or

B. “Married To…”

I am willing to bet that all three of those couples Facebook statuses reflect their “official” status.

Ok, now that you have thought of the best couples you could think of I want you to take another moment to think of the worst couples.

Do you think that these couples have their Facebook profiles updated to reflect that they are in a relationship?

Some might but some might not.

The point of this fun little exercise is simple, it’s to show you that there actually is a correlation between happy couples and happy Facebook relationship statuses and unhappy couples and a lack of a Facebook relationship status.

What’s The Purpose Of This Page?

This page is pretty self explanatory.

What we are trying to accomplish here is to understand why your ex boyfriend won’t update his Facebook profile to reflect the fact that you two are officially in a relationship.

Now, this particular situation can occur in two separate ways.

1. Before you two were broken up and when you two were clearly dating he wouldn’t update his Facebook status to reflect that fact. (Before The Breakup)
2. You two have gotten back together after a breakup but he won’t update his Facebook relationship status. (After The Breakup)

Obviously the purpose of this page is to give you extreme insight into why he refuses to update his Facebook status in both of these situations but I don’t feel comfortable diving into that until I first highlight why I think it is such an important thing for a couple to do for one another.

Why The “In A Relationship” Status On Facebook Matters A Lot

Imagine we are studying two couples.

For the purposes of this article we are going to call them (Couple A) and (Couple B.)

(Couple A) – Has changed their Facebook statuses to reflect the fact that they are in a relationship with one another.

(Couple B)- Neither member has changed their Facebook statuses to reflect the fact that they are in a relationship with one another.

One thing we can assume right off the bat is that (Couple A) is never going to have to worry if the other person is committed to them 100% like (Couple B) will.

What do I mean by that?

It’s quite simple really.

Changing your Facebook status to “In A Relationship” is like standing on top of a table in the middle of a crowded room and screaming at the top of your lungs,

“I AM TAKEN!!!”

Look, I have been a single guy before and I know that any time I would be interested in someone the first thing I would do is go to Facebook to check and see if they were in a relationship or not. If I did find out that they were in a relationship then I knew not to pursue that person.

So, lets pretend that a single girl out there is prowling Facebook for a boyfriend and she stumbles across the (Couple A Male’s) profile and learns that he is in a relationship. Well, then that single girl is most likely going to determine that this particular guy is not for her.

In other words, by changing your Facebook status to in a relationship you are lowering the chances that you are going to be pursued by single people which as I am sure you are aware is never a good thing if you are in a relationship.

What do I mean by that?

Well, lets take a look at the same situation happening to the male in (Couple B.) Remember, (Couple B) has not changed their Facebook status to say that they are in a relationship with one another.

So, here comes this single girl on to the male in (Couple B’s) Facebook profile and she determines that he is not in a relationship. So, rather than moving on like she did with (Couple A) she decides to pursue the male in (Couple B.)

Now, I don’t know about you but it is never a good thing when your man is constantly getting hit on by other women in a relationship.

This is how cheating often occurs.

The male in (Couple B) starts some harmless flirting with the single woman who contacted him through Facebook. Eventually that harmless flirting turns into a friendship where he vents about his girlfriend. Pretty soon he starts to develop feelings for the single woman and then that’s when the unthinkable happens, cheating occurs.

So, the point I am trying to make here is that since (Couple B) didn’t update their Facebook statuses to reflect the fact that they were in a relationship with one another they are almost inviting this kind of thing to happen.

Now, I basically just highlighted an extreme case there but take it from someone who has seen a lot with regards to this kind of stuff.

Those three little words, in a relationship, matter quite a bit when it comes to Facebook.

So, now that you understand why updating your status matters lets try to understand why men feel the need to not update it.

Lets start with before your breakup.

Why Your Ex Wouldn’t Update His Status Before The Breakup

Lets hop in a time machine for a moment and go back to that beautiful time where you and your ex boyfriend first started dating.

Do you remember that time?

All the happy moments…

All the laughing…

Kissing…

Cuddling…

Everything was perfect with the two of you except one major thing. Your boyfriend refused to update his Facebook status. Now, this kind of hurts you because you made a conscious effort to update your status hoping that he would follow suit. Unfortunately, he didn’t get the hint.

Eventually you start to become so fed up that you decide to take hold of the situation and confront him about it.

You tell him that you think it’s important that he update his Facebook status for the sake of your relationship. You tell him that you did it for him so it’s only fair that he does it for you.

His response to this point is a typical,

“Facebook is dumb. It doesn’t really matter. What matters is how we feel about each other and that’s it.”

So, what is really going on in his head here?

Are there truth to his words or is it just some line he thought up so he can string you along?

The Timing Of The Status Update

Believe it or not but in this case timing really does matter.

When I look at the beginning stages of a relationship I think of something that is very unstable.

There are a lot of ups and downs.

Take the graph below for example,

Pretend that this graph represents your relationship with your boyfriend at the beginning stages of your relationship.

Notice how this graph is very up and down.

Point A: Lets say that you just had an amazing date where he asked you to be his girlfriend.

Point B: Lets say that after a few days he didn’t call or text.

Point C: Lets say that here you went on another date and got him to kiss you for the first time.

Point D: You are wondering why the heck he won’t change his Facebook status to reflect that he is in a relationship with you.

My point of taking you through this exercise is that things aren’t always smooth at the beginning of a relationship where you are trying to create a spark with someone. The last thing that man wants to do is make the mistake of calling you his girlfriend and then find you smooching his best friend. The beginning of a relationship is unstable because not enough intimacy, trust or rapport has been built yet.

So, the point of me writing this section is to kind of inform you that you need to manage your expectations at the very beginning of a relationship.

Now, with that being said there is going to come a point where if he hasn’t updated his status on Facebook there isn’t going to be any excuse from him.

When will that point arrive?

If in one month of the two of you officially calling each other “boyfriend and girlfriend” and he hasn’t updated his Facebook to reflect that fact then you have my permission to trigger the apocalypse.

Why Would He Not Want To Update His Facebook Status?

Lets say that it’s been a month of you dating your boyfriend and he still hasn’t updated his Facebook status.

What the heck is going on in that head of his?

Well, as it turns out there are quite a bit of reasons that he may not want to update his Facebook status. I am going to do my best to cover them all for you.

Reason #1- He Really Doesn’t Care About Facebook

I have this friend who I have known for about three years now. He is a bit of an introvert and though he is not technologically impaired he doesn’t really log on to Facebook that much. Seriously, as I am writing this I went to his Facebook page to see if he has posted anything recently.

He hasn’t…

Seriously, this is what his wall looks like,

Essentially what this means is that he hasn’t logged into Facebook in so long that Facebook literally has nothing to show for his Facebook wall.

So, tell me something.

Do you really think that someone who logs into Facebook once a month is going to be concerned with updating his Facebook status to say “in a relationship?”

Something tells me he won’t.

Reason #2- He Is Playing Facebook Chicken

You have heard of that game chicken right?

Ever seen footloose?

No?

Geez, am I getting old already?

Basically chicken is this game where two cars race towards each other as fast as they can and the first one to swerve out of the way loses. Now, imagine that happening with your boyfriend except instead of using a car he is using Facebook.

In other words, the first person to change their status on Facebook to say “in a relationship” loses.

Why would he do this?

Because men are weird?

No, it all goes back to his need for power. He needs to feel that you care for him so much that you will do it before he does.

Reason #3- He Doesn’t Want Anyone To Know You Are Dating

Lets imagine that the two of us are dating and I won’t update my Facebook status to say “in a relationship.”

I don’t have any of the normal “couple pictures” even though we have taken plenty and every time you confront me about it I simply blow it off and say,

“Why are you making such a big deal about this?”

Now, I don’t know about you but I personally think that, that paints me in a very bad light.

Why?

Because there is absolutely no evidence that we are dating at all anywhere on my social profile. If you look through my pictures I don’t have any pictures of us. If you look through my statuses my status says “single” as opposed to maybe me just leaving things blank.

What’s to stop other girls from hitting on me?

The Answer – NOTHING!

Oh, and that’s the way I like it.

(Not in real life.)

Put yourself in my shoes for a moment. I have a beautiful girlfriend in you but I can also try to get as many women as I can on the side.

It’s unfortunate but some men do think like this.

Why Your Ex Won’t Update His Status After Getting Back Together

Now that you have a pretty decent idea of why an ex boyfriend would want to hold off on updating that status on Facebook lets take a look at another complex Facebook situation.

Why an ex won’t want to update his Facebook profile after you have won him back after a breakup.

The thing you have to keep in mind here is the fact that navigating the social media landscape of Facebook after a breakup is kind of tricky.

Why?

Probably because of this,

Everyone who was connected to you via Facebook was informed of your breakup and as I am sure you have realized by now, not all of your friends and family were 100% supportive of your relationship to begin with.

(Just trust me on this.)

So, making your grand re-entrance as a couple on Facebook might be kind of scary for him.

Why Might He Won’t Re-Update His Facebook Status?

There are actually quite a few reasons for why your ex boyfriend doesn’t want to update his status if you were to get him back. I intend to do my best to outline them all below.

Enjoy!

Reason #1- Things Aren’t Quite Like How They Used To Be Yet

Now, the first thing you have to understand is that when you start over with your ex boyfriend for a second time around things are going to be kind of awkward for a little while. The two of you are still trying to get to a place where you feel comfortable with each other again (like you did in the past) and adding in the pressure of a Facebook update might be a little too much at this juncture.

I am going to use myself as an example here.

I hate awkward situations.

In fact, I hate them so much that I will literally do anything to try to dispel them so I don’t get that gut-wrenching feeling in my stomach that something is wrong.

I know that if I were to just get into a new relationship with an ex of mine I would definitely not feel comfortable putting “in a relationship” on my Facebook profile until I was sure this was going to be a more permanent thing. Things are just too awkward at the beginning.

I mean, most guys are going to sit there and think to themselves, “I wonder how long we are going to last,” after just getting back with an ex.

Again, it’s kind of an awkward situation to be in.

Reason #2- It’s A Facebook Status Stand Off Between Him And You

(We talked about this above and here it makes a reappearance.)

As many of you probably know, I got married last year.

When I think back to who updated their Facebook status first I am kind of proud to admit that it was me who initiated it first.

Why?

Because I am aware of the fact that sometimes when you get two stubborn people who date each other you get a Facebook status stand off.

What is a Facebook status update stand off?

I’m glad you asked!

Facebook Status Stand Off- A term that describes what happens when a man refuses to update his Facebook status until the woman does and the woman refuses to update her Facebook status until the man does.

So, basically how this works out is that after getting back with you your ex boyfriend is going to think to himself,

“I am definitely not updating my status to say “in a relationship” until she updates hers.”

Of course, you being the incredibly stubborn person you are say the same exact thing to yourself.

What ends up happening is both members of the relationship begin to get annoyed at each other because no one breaks down and updates their Facebook status.

Reason #3- He Doesn’t Want To Deal With The Fallout Of Friends And Family Knowing

This is an especially interesting one.

Why?

Because it kind of perfectly pertains to this situation.

Look, everyone takes sides when a breakup occurs. Your family rushes to your side and his family rushes to his.

The same goes with friends. His friends rally to his side and your friends to yours.

Now, if there is one thing on this earth that will make people say or do mean things it’s a breakup. Usually you think of the people involved in the breakup when you think of this but in most cases it also extends outside of it too.

For example, years ago my exes friends prank called me for three days straight and eventually came to my house and poured mustard all over my car.

Now, I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous and like I am making it up but I promise you it really happened.

(Fun Side Note: It rained later that day so I didn’t even have to clean my car. Joke was on them I guess!)

Anyways, my point is simple. Your ex boyfriend knows and understands that your friends and family probably said or did mean things to him during the breakup and making a relationship re-official on Facebook might rub some of these people the wrong way.

Reason #4- He Claims “He Doesn’t Want Anyone Knowing His Business”

Your ex boyfriend claims he doesn’t want anyone knowing his business, eh?

Ok, well I am going to interject my personal opinion on this one.

In my professional opinion I think this is a statement that makes absolutely no sense at all.

Allow me to explain.

Facebook is without a doubt one of the most “business shouting” type sites there is.

For example, what is the very first thing that you are greeted with when you log in to Facebook?

A news feed, right?

Basically this feed that keeps you up to date on what your friends are doing. I mean, isn’t the point of having a Facebook is so you can connect with your friends so you can know their business and they can know yours?

If someone truly didn’t want anyone to know their business they wouldn’t even have a profile on Facebook. In fact, the very act of making a Facebook profile ensures that everyone who is connected to you will indeed know your business.

Thus, I fail to see the point that some men try to make when they use this phrase.

Yep, even this one is beyond me.

Do you think you can help me crack what they mean when they say this?

There is a rule when it comes to breakups.

Everyone always chooses a side.

That’s just the way it is.

Your exes friends and family will be on his side and your friends and family will be on your side. Often times your loved ones will give you these patented speeches,

“You are better off without him.”

“I never liked him anyways.”

“Now we can have fun being single.”

It’s funny, I will never forget the time that I went through my very first breakup. My best friend ended up showing up at my house and taking me out for the day to try to make me feel better. He must have given me the speeches above about twenty times. When word finally got around to my parents my dad ended up sitting me down and explaining that I was still young and I was going to find someone better down the road.

(P.S. He was right.)

My mother on the other hand told me that I was the most handsome person she knew and any girl would be lucky to have me….

(P.S. She was right.)

It was at this moment that I began to realize that troops were beginning to rally around me in order to offer their support.

Who were the troops?

My friends and family!

Of course, I wasn’t the only one who had troops rallying around them. No, my ex did as well.

The point I am trying to make here is pretty simple.

In every single breakup sides are chosen.

Now, this little tidbit of information is kind of what this whole article is going to be about. You see, the troops that rallied around you for support during your breakup with your ex boyfriend will be your greatest asset in overcoming the pain surrounding the breakup.

However, when it comes to getting an ex boyfriend back you may find that they are your greatest liability.

This article is all about how to handle that unfortunate situation.

How Society Views Exes

Society has a very different view than you do about your ex boyfriend. I mean, this article pretty much assumes that you are trying to win your ex boyfriend back which of course means you view your ex boyfriend as someone you can fall in love with.

So, in order to understand the view that society (including many of your friends and family) takes on your ex boyfriend I want you to take a look at the picture below,

I picked this picture for a number of reasons.

In general the picture is saying that if you read the same chapter in a book nothing new is ever going to happen. Thus, if we apply this logic to your ex boyfriend we can assume that if you get back with your ex boyfriend history is simply going to repeat itself with another breakup.

You will find that this is mostly societies view of breakups and exes.

You see, most people have a one and done approach.

“If it doesn’t work out with someone once then it can never work out.”

Well, this is simply not the case.

The Flaw With Societies Logic

What have we learned so far?

Well, we learned that after every breakup people close to the couple are going to pick sides. Some people will gravitate towards you and some will gravitate towards your ex boyfriend. We also learned that society believes that nothing good can ever come from getting back with an ex.

(Remember, the picture with the book?)

Here is the truth…

Societies logic on this matter is flawed.

I have seen my fair share of breakups through this site and the thing that always amazes me is now how often that people get back together but it’s how often they stay together. Seriously, when I first started this site back in 2012 I knew I had the chops to teach women how to get back with their exes. I mean, come on, I know exactly how men work and what buttons to press to hook them. However, I didn’t really think many of the couples would end up together long term.

I was wrong…

A lot of the women who ended up getting their exes back as a result of this site are still with them to this day. Heck, I have even heard my fair share of proposal and marriage stories from these women too.

This tells me that sometimes an ex boyfriend is worth fighting for and people who tell you,

“Moving on is the best thing for you.”

Can sometimes be flat out wrong.

Speaking of these people…

What Many Of Your Friends And Family Think About You Getting Back With Your Ex Boyfriend

I have some good news and some bad news.

What would you like to hear first?

The good news?

Your friends and family love you and they usually want the best for you. So, contrary to popular belief they do want to see you happy.

Ok, now it is time for the bad news.

In your friends and families minds they do not think that you can be happy with your ex boyfriend.

Remember what I said above about how society often thinks there is no hope for a couple who has broken up? Well, more often than not your friends and family are going to share that belief. So, it may not be to your advantage to let them in on your plans of getting your ex boyfriend back because they could fill your head up with more questions than answers.

Case Study: A Family Who Wouldn’t Support A Woman Trying To Get Her Ex Boyfriend Back

I am going to let you in on a pretty interesting situation that came to my attention in 2013, two years ago.

If you have ever stumbled across my, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO page you may have noticed a testimonial from a woman named Ashlee that kind of sticks out among the rest.

Why does it stick out?

Well, because this woman not only got her ex boyfriend back but she got him to marry her.

Here is the testimonial in case you are wondering,

(Click The Picture To Enlarge)

Now, while Ashlee did get a very happy ending to her love story we can’t really learn anything from that so I want to take you back to the time where she and her ex boyfriend were broken up.

You see, Ashlee was absolutely head over heels for this guy and he broke up with her for some weird reason (to be honest I can’t remember because this literally happened like two years ago.) Anyways, what I do remember from the situation was how UN-supportive her family and friends were of her attempt to get back with her ex.

They would tell her things like,

“It will never work out between you two…”

or

“Once an ex, always an ex…”

or

“I really think you should move on…”

Ashlee was very upset with her friends and family for how they were acting and it was starting to get to her. In fact, it was starting to bug her so much that she contemplated just giving up altogether on her ex boyfriend.

She asked me the question that 50% of the women ask me on this site every single day.

“Is it worth it? Do I even have a chance? Should I just give up?”

I spurred her on and gave her a little confidence to keep going forward but as confident as I made her about her ex boyfriend her friends and family were always there to thwart my progress with her. Fortunately, Ashlee was still deeply in love with her ex boyfriend so anything that her friends and family did say to her went in one ear and out the other.

It took her a while but she ended up getting her boyfriend back and then a few months later he proposed. They have now been married since late 2013.

So, what was the point of me telling you this little case study?

Well, even though a lot of people out there (I am looking at you friends and family) believe that exes should stay exes the truth is that a lot of times a relationship is worth fighting for.

This is a prime example of that.

Imagine if Ashlee had listened to her friends who told her to not go after her ex. How about her family who told her that he was not worth it?

Well, if she had done that then she probably wouldn’t be married I can tell you that much.

How To Handle Friends And Family Who Disapprove

I am going to be bold here for a minute.

If you are trying to get your ex boyfriend back and you make that knowledge available to your inner circle (friends, family, co-workers, etc) there is going to be at least one person that is going to disapprove and try to talk you out of it.

Whether or not you listen to them is entirely up to you. However, since my main function through this site is to help you get your ex boyfriend back I am going to talk a little bit about what you need to do to smooth things over so that you can set yourself up for a successful “get your ex back” campaign.

Should You Tell Anyone That You Are Trying To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

This is kind of a tough question to answer if I am being completely honest.

Why?

Well, because if you talk to your friends and family about your desire to get your ex boyfriend back and they get on board with you then not only will you have the support of Ex Boyfriend Recovery to fall back on but theirs as well and that can do wonders for your confidence.

However, if they don’t approve…

Well, then things become more complicated and it can put you at odds with them since technically they will be trying to derail your progress by constantly telling you that its not worth it to get your ex back.

So, do you tell people or not?

I think in order to answer this question we should take a look at what women with successful “get your ex back”campaigns have done.

What Successful Women Have Done

I have had some unique experiences interacting with women in this instance.

In fact, I have had some unique experiences interacting with mothers. No seriously, a lot of times I will have moms messaging me and begging me for my advice to help their daughters get their ex boyfriends back. These particular experiences have always stuck out to me.

Why?

Well, firstly it’s because if a mom is going to go to that deep for her daughter to ask a complete stranger (ME) for help then that means that she is most likely the type of person that is going to help and support her daughter in what she wants.

Now, I don’t know about you but if I was trying to get an ex back that is the type of person that I would want in my corner.

So, if you have a member of your family or a friend that is willing to be that type of person for you that they would support you in your attempts to win back your ex then you could probably trust them enough to let them in on what your plans are.

However, if you have friends or family who you are unsure about then I would recommend not letting them in on your plans just yet.

FYI most successful women have one or two people that they can trust enough to tell their ambitions to.

Usually not more though.

What To Do In A Situation Where Your Network Of Friends And Family Disapproves Of Your Intentions Of Getting Your Ex Back

Lets assume a worst case scenario here.

Lets say that your friends and family absolutely hate your ex boyfriend and disapprove of your idea of getting him back. Your friends constantly berate you for even wanting to get back with him.

Your family on the other hand, well, they absolutely forbid it.

Of course, you want nothing more than to get your ex boyfriend back so you are really caught between a rock and a hard place.

How do you smooth the situation over with your friends and family so they aren’t impeding your progress?

Well, below I have come up with a couple of methods to prevent any backlash from friends and family about your ex.

Method One- Nipping It In The Bud Before It Happens

I have a great relationship with my family.

I would do anything for them and deep down they know that. However, when it came to my love life I never really consulted them as much as other people probably did. In fact, I would make a point to avoid that subject at all costs.

It’s not because I was being secretive or anything like that it was because I really didn’t want their help with my love life.

I always had a strong idea with how I wanted my love life to go and experience taught me from watching others that getting other people involved in your relationship other than the two people inside the relationship isn’t a great idea.

How did I come to this conclusion.

I have my very first girlfriend to thank for that.

Looking back she was a very nice girl but the thing that constantly turned me off about her were her parents. You see, she had the worst type of parents.

They were controlling, prying and essentially made all of her decisions for her.

Yup, oftentimes when we would have an argument over something her parents would find a way to get involved and then not only would I have to cry mercy to her but to her parents as well. In fact, it became so ridiculous at one point that her father actually called me up on the phone one morning and demanded that I drive over to his house and apologize to HIM after his daughter and I got into an argument the night before.

To my great shame… I did it.

Here is the weirdest part though when I asked him what he was angry at me for specifically he wouldn’t tell me.

These type of experiences taught me never to bring these types of outside forces into relationships. More often than not they do more harm than good. So, I recommend that before you attempt to get your ex boyfriend back you don’t let the entire world know.

Don’t let your parents in on your plans (unless you really trust them) and don’t let your friends in either (unless you really trust them.)

Nip it in the bud before it becomes a problem.

Unfortunately, some of you already opened your big mouths and no longer have the “nip it in the bud option.”

If you are one of these people then I would like you to take a look at method two below.

Method Two- Make An Effort To Understand Them And Then Do What You Want

By nature I am a people pleaser.

That means that if anyone disagrees with me or if someone isn’t going to support me it is going to hit me a little bit harder than the normal type of person out there. Another interesting thing about me is that I absolutely hate conflict.

Seriously, sometimes if I have a conflict with someone I love it affects me so much to where I can’t even do work or concentrate until that conflict is resolved.

What we are dealing with here is a pretty crappy situation in which your friends and family aren’t being supportive of your intentions to try to get your ex boyfriend back. So, lets do a little role playing here so I can illustrate method two properly for you.

Lets say that you tell your best friend that you stumbled across my website, Ex Boyfriend Recovery, and you picked up my E-Book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. After reading it’s amazing advice (I am a bit biased) you decide that you want to give a relationship with your ex boyfriend another try.

You go into this little conversation with your best friend with high hopes but they are immediately crushed when she says that your idea is dumb and that he isn’t worth your time.

It is at this point that you reach the proverbial fork in the road where you have two choices.

1. You can agree with her and give up because you received a little push back
2. You can ignore her push back and attempt to get your ex boyfriend back.

Now, most women who are set on getting their boyfriends back are going to do what they want and ignore their friends push back. However, the way you ignore that friends push back is very important.

For example, lets say you have an un-supportive friend who tells you that it is a dumb idea to try to get your ex boyfriend back. Well, if you immediately retaliate by saying,

“Well, your dumb for not supporting me.”

then you will be adding fuel to the fire and alienating your friend which will most likely make her not want to support you even more.

What is the proper way to handle this situation.

A famous quote immediately comes to mind here.

The actor, Robert Downey Jr. (AKA Iron Man, Sherlock Holmes and Charlie Chaplin) told an interesting story one time during an interview for a movie promotion.

He was once faced with a very tough situation. He was acting a scene a certain way and the director didn’t particularly like the way he was doing it. So, the director kept yelling,

“CUT!”

Once the scene was stopped the director walked over to Downey Jr. and gave him advice on how he thought the scene should be acted. It was at this point that Downey Jr. gave one of the most epic quotes of all time,

“Listen, smile, agree and then do whatever you were going to do anyway”

I envision this quote any time I hear about parents or friends giving women a hard time about wanting to get their ex boyfriends back. Sometimes, if you just make an effort to listen, smile, agree and then do whatever you want in the first place the entire situation will be smoothed over with your network.

“I want to break up…”

They are the five little words that any woman who wants to have a long lasting relationship will dread.

If you have had the misfortune of being on the receiving of those words you are most likely left reeling and wondering what went wrong.

The truth is that there are literally thousands of reasons that a current boyfriend can break up with you. In fact, throughout the history of this site I have covered a lot of these reasons,

• You being needy..
• Him being needy…
• You being emotionally unavailable…
• Him being emotionally unavailable…
• Cheating…
• I think you get the idea here.

Well, today I am going to be focusing in on one specific reason and I have YOU to thank for that.

You see, a few weeks ago I sent out an email to my newsletter and asked you one very simple question,

“What do you want me to write about?”

In total, I got something like 500 responses all asking me to write about specific topics. Out of those 500 responses I chose the very best ones and it just so happened a lot of people were wondering if their ex boyfriend was breaking up with them to protect himself.

Diving Deeper Into This Guide

This guide is meant to accomplish a few things.

Firstly, like always, I want to teach you about men and how they think. However, since we are covering a specific situation here with men who break up with you to protect themselves I want to teach you about the minds of the men who could potentially be doing that to you.

In short, this guide is going to cover the following topics,

1. Is it even possible for a man to break up with you to protect himself ?(The answer is yes. .)
2. What is going on in his head to make him do that?
3. What can you do about it if it does happen to you?

Okie dokie.

Lets get started!

Can Your Ex Boyfriend Break Up With You To Protect Himself?

A lot of you may be wondering why I even chose this topic.

I mean, why would I make such a big deal about one small little situation.

I’ll admit that I am kind of shocked to be dedicating so much time to this little question but as I said above, this is what a lot of you wanted.

When I asked you ladies a few weeks ago what you wanted me to write about this particular situation came up on more than one occasion. In fact, it came up so frequently that I absolutely had to write about it. There was no other choice.

So, is it even possible?

Can an ex boyfriend break up with you in an effort to protect himself?

The answer to that question is a resounding YES.

Of course, you know me.

I don’t just stop at the yes. I give you more and more and more. So, in an effort to provide more value to you I have decided to inform you at how often this particular instance can occur.

How Often Will An Ex Boyfriend Break Up With You To Protect Himself?

In a perfect world I would be able to assign a certain percentage value to the reasons for breakups.

For example, I could make some sort of claim like,

“10% of breakups occur because someone cheats and 20% occur because men are protecting themselves.”

Unfortunately, we don’t live in a perfect world and as hard I tried for you guys I can’t assign a percentage for the protecting reason. The world and relationships are just to muddy for that. What I can do for you though is generalize things based on my extensive experience in dealing with thousands of couples.

While a generalization is not ideal I have found that more often than not my generalizations prove to be right.

In my opinion, men who break up with you because they are protecting themselves while not overly common are more common than you think.

I know that really doesn’t help you very much, does it? Well, it’s just that men who are protecting themselves are very hard to track.

For example, if the two of us were dating and I wanted to break up with you to protect myself I probably wouldn’t tell you that was the reason. What I probably would do is make up some fake reason so your feelings wouldn’t get too hurt.

Of course, this still really doesn’t help you very much does it?

Hmm…

Ok, here is what I am going to do.

I am going to give you a little cheat sheet. Think of it like me lending you my awesome brain for a few seconds.

This cheat sheet is going to teach you everything you need to know about what situations to look out for and in what situations your ex boyfriend is more likely to protect himself in.

The Cheat Sheet- What Situations Will Your Ex Boyfriend Be More Likely To Protect Himself In?

In my experience there are certain situations that will make a boyfriend more likely to break up with you to protect himself.

I plan on covering those situations in this section.

Want to know what the situations are?

• He Finds Out Your True Colors.
• He Doesn’t Want History To Repeat Itself.
• He Is Scared Of Getting Into A Deeper Commitment.
• He Is Scared Of Your Past.

So, the purpose of this section is to give you a quick little cheat sheet that you will be able to glance at and determine if your ex could have potentially broke up with you to protect himself. In other words, if you were in any of these situations and your ex broke up with you when you seemed to think things were going well then you might want to take note.

Lets take a look at the situations now,

He Finds Out Your True Colors

What does that even mean?

Your ex boyfriend found out your true colors?

When everyone first starts dating they are on their best behavior. For example, when I first started dating my wife I didn’t want her to know that I was susceptible to a little jealousy here and there.

(Psst… I still don’t want her to know so don’t tell her.)

Anyways, when we first started dating I tried to remain as calm as I possibly could when any mention of one of her guy friends would come up. While I am very confident in myself I definitely don’t want to spend my days thinking of my (then) girlfriends guy friends. Heck, If I had it my way she wouldn’t say anything about them at all.

So, I would remain very quiet and standoffish any time the topic would be brought up. Now, I am not the type to tell a woman what to do in a relationship. I like it when people come to conclusions on their own so I just remained mum about the topic for the longest time hoping it would go away.

Eventually though, my wife started learning that I was not very responsive when it came to that topic and she found out my true colors…

My True Colors- I am definitely not a fan of listening to stories of my wife and other guys having a good time. Past or present. In other words, I can get jealous.

Look, I know that probably isn’t the best thing in the world for a relationship advice guy to admit but I know exactly how I am.

I get jealous where maybe someone better in that area wouldn’t.

I am a Taurus after all .

Your Ex And YOUR True Colors

No one in this world is perfect.

Everyone has their flaws.

Some people are needy.

Some people are jealous (slow, embarrassed hand raise here.)

Heck, some people are just downright mean.

Now, here is the scary part. It is impossible to really know someones true colors until later on in the relationship.

(Remember, everyone is on their best behavior in the beginning.)

I want to run a scenario by you.

Lets say that you and a new boyfriend just started dating and everything is great.

You love him…

He loves you…

All is right in the world.

You two are in that mushy stage where you can’t keep your hands off each other and you are always whispering things to each other like,

“Your the most amazing man I ever met.”

or

“Your the most amazing woman I have ever met.”

You get the idea.

Of course, a few months later your boyfriend begins to notice something. He begins to pick up that you are extremely needy and high maintenance. Now, some men can deal with needy and high maintenance girls but your boyfriend isn’t one.

In fact, out of all the qualities in the world.

A needy high maintenance girlfriend turn him off the most.

Now we have a bit of a problem.

All of a sudden that mushy happy stage where the two of you are living in La La land where nothing can go wrong ends and your boyfriend begins to think to himself,

“Oh my god… I can’t be with a needy high maintenance girl.”

This singular thought evolves and soon he comes to a sad conclusion…

“I need to break up with her to protect myself.”

Do you see how that worked?

Happy Stage Dissipates (leads to) Realization Of True Colors (leads to) Him Breaking Up With You To Protect Himself

He Doesn’t Want History To Repeat Itself

History is a funny thing when it comes to relationships.

Any time I write an article for this site I am drawing on my own past experiences either through my own life or through this site. In other words, the past I have experienced affects me and what I write.

Your ex boyfriend is no different.

It is entirely possible that he could be protecting himself with a breakup so his own BAD past experiences don’t repeat themselves.

Now, I actually have a real life experience to draw from to prove that this particular outcome does exist.

A good friend of mine ended up getting married at a really young age.

What is a young age?

Well, I personally think marriage around the age of 21 is a little below the norm.

Anyways, my buddy got married when he was 21 years old and he was with his wife for a total of three years. While I am sure they certainly had their honeymoon period that was abruptly ended when he ended up walking in on his wife and his best friend in bed.

She then proceeded to tell him that his best friend wasn’t the only guy that she had been with.

No, she had ended up cheating on him eight times with eight different men.

(FYI I have told this story on this site before if you were wondering.)

I don’t care who you are, an experience like that definitely makes an impression on you that will last forever.

How did my friend react?

Not well…

In fact, he ended up protecting himself so much from relationships that he hasn’t even been on a date with a girl in five years. Yes, you read that right FIVE YEARS.

What Kind Of Experiences Can Make A Man Protect Himself?

The way this works is actually quite simple.

If your ex boyfriend was dating you and he kind of gets the feeling that his own unfortunate history in relationships is about to repeat himself he will decide that the fastest way in which he can protect himself is to break up with you.

What I would like to do now is give you a list of all the types of experiences that can have this type of affect on a man.

• If he was cheated on.
• If he was in a long relationship that ended really badly.
• If he had an abusive ex girlfriend (not you.)
• If he was stuck in a relationship where he felt trapped or bored but didn’t do anything about it.

My point in giving you that list is actually quite simple.

If your ex boyfriend sensed any of these things during his time with you then he might take action to nip things in the bud so history doesn’t repeat itself.

For example, if he was with you and during your relationship you were constantly hanging out with other men then he is inevitably going to have this train of thought,

“I wonder if she is cheating on me? She is always around these other guys? What do they have that I don’t?”

Pretty soon, if the debacle continues then he is going to convince himself that you are indeed cheating on him or that you are a high risk of it.

So, what is it that he does to take care of this little problem?

Yup, you guessed it.

He will break up with you to protect himself.

He Is Scared Of A Deeper Commitment

Some men are commitment-phobes.

In other words, they will break up with you because they are scared of commitment and this can be looked at as a way of them protecting themselves. In other words, a man who is truly a commitment-phobe is going to be protecting himself.

But what defines a commitment-phobe?

What is going on a mans head to make him a commitment-phobe?

Oh geez… don’t get me started.

Well, firstly you know you are dealing with a commitment-phobe when he has the following qualities,

• Doesn’t Want Titles
• Very Standoffish
• Act Like They Don’t Care About Anything
• The Marriage Factor

Like always, I am going to dive deep and flesh out each one of these bullet points. Lets start with “titles.”

They Don’t Want Titles

Men who are commitment-phobes aren’t going to want an official title.

You know, the boyfriend title?

A few weeks ago I wrote an article on why men won’t want to update their Facebook status to say “in a relationship” and usually an underlying cause of that is the fact that they are terrified of being labeled because in their warped mind being labeled a boyfriend can potentially end with them being hurt.

So, the best way to protect themselves is to not label the relationship.

After all, if you aren’t officially labeled as a boyfriend how can you get hurt, right?

They Are Very Standoffish

I can’t tell you how many times I have gotten an email like this,

“Chris, I have tried everything in my relationship to make it work but no matter how hard I try my boyfriend never lets me in. He is always so standoffish and any time I try to have a meaningful conversation he just shuts down.”

This is classic commitment-phobe behavior.

Usually you will get a guy who gives you mixed signals or is very hot and cold too.

For example, one moment the guy will be all into you and the next he is sad or depressed and its not even like he has to say anything for you to pick up on it. I mean, It’s almost like you can feel the energy between the two of you shift from a positive vibe to a negative one.

So, what the heck is going on for a guy to do this?

Well, usually what happens to a commitment-phobe is that he will go into a relationship (even if its not official) with his guard up.

Then what usually happens is that your amazing personality, looks and charm start to work their magic and slowly but surely that guard begins to drop. All of a sudden he begins to have fun with you and starts to think that life with you isn’t so bad.

But then the worst thing ever happens.

A singular thought enters his mind…

“What if she hurts me?”

In other words…

So, what happens is after he has this thought he will put his guard back up and become very standoffish towards you.

This creates this hot and cold effect that you are constantly worrying about.

They Will Act Like They Don’t Care About Anything

Last year I met a guy who I liked very much.

He had a good personality, seemed very family oriented and made everyone laugh a lot.

“Ok Chris whats wrong with him?”

Geez, you guys are harsh…

…..

…..

Ok, there was something a bit off about him.

He was haunted by his divorce and as a result kind of became a commitment-phobe to his current girlfriend. Of course, it wasn’t his girlfriend who told me this but it was him himself.

He actually told me without telling me.

You see, every time he would talk about his girlfriend he would constantly tell me things like,

“I don’t care what she does. She can go out to the bar any time she wants or flirt with any guy she wants.”

I remember at the time just nodding my head in agreement to not start an argument but the truth of the matter was that I was thinking,

“I definitely wouldn’t be ok if my woman started flirting with any guy she wanted. I think he was lying.”

Of course, the more I thought about it afterwards I began to see what was really going on.

This guy was absolutely burned by his divorce and it affected him on a deep level. So, in an effort to cope with it he put his guard up in a very unusual way. He began training himself not to care about anything bad that could potentially happen to him.

For example, if his girlfriend cheated on him he was training himself not to care.

If his girlfriend was emotionally or physically abusive, he would not care.

It was all an effort for him to protect himself by not getting attached to her so he wouldn’t end up feeling the sting he felt during his divorce.

The Marriage Factor

Here’s a fun fact about men that you won’t hear anywhere else.

Men are scared of marriage.

Actually, that’s nothing new…

However, what I want to talk about is the WHY!

Why are men so afraid of making the biggest commitment of all?

Why does it freak them out so much?

Well, it freaks them out because of a little something I like to call,

The Marriage Factor

What is the marriage factor?

I am so glad you asked!

The marriage factor is a certain thought process that a man goes through when he considers marriage to a woman.

I feel very qualified to talk about this since I just got married last year to a woman who completely destroyed my marriage factor.

Ok, the marriage factor goes like this,

Most men enjoy being single.

They like the way it makes them feel. They like that feeling of being free without having anyone to answer to.

I mean, when you date someone you have to basically check in with them a lot to let them know what you are up to. For some men this can be kind of annoying and makes them feel a bit trapped.

Oh, and in case you are wondering I am not even talking about marriage yet. Nope, I am just talking about a good old fashioned relationship.

Now, when the thought of marriage does enter the picture a man will usually get freaked out by a few things.

• Marriage = A Lifelong Commitment To Just ONE Person
• Marriage Usually Leads To Kids
• His Way Of Life Is Gone

Marriage being a lifelong commitment is an obvious one. What isn’t obvious though is the kids factor. Call me crazy but I have a deep belief that most men out there are very protective towards their family and will do anything for their kids.

(There are definitely exceptions to this rule.)

However, when push comes to shove a lot of men step up and become great fathers to their kids. Of course, the introduction of a child into the mix means that a man can no longer hold on to his own selfish ways.

A man will have an innate belief that his every waking moment will be dedicated to his child and while being a father can be a very fulfilling thing you can understand how it won’t be appealing to a man who enjoys the freedom he has as a single guy.

Marriage usually leads to children…

Do you see where I am going with this?

When a guy starts to get wind of the fact that his significant other wants him to propose the marriage factor thought process is going to go through his head.

MF Thought One- “Oh my god…  I am going to have to be committed to her for life. What if things change?”

MF Thought Two- “First comes love… then comes marriage… then comes the baby in the baby carriage…. If we have a child my life is going to be over…”

MF Thought Three- “I am going to lose my friends… I am going to lose my late nights out… There is no way in hell she is going to let me keep partying the way I am now…”

So, with all of these scary thoughts swirling around in his head what does he decide to do?

Yup, you guessed it.

He decides to break up with you to protect himself.

He Is Scared Of Your Past

Usually when you talk about the past the first thing most people think of is men.

“He has some serious baggage…”

“He just got divorced…”

“He won the Nobel Peace Prize a few years ago…”

Wait.. that last one doesn’t quite fit.

Let me clear something up.

When I talk about someones past I am not referring to their past accomplishments I am referring to their past relationships. More specifically, their past failed relationships and any baggage that goes along with those relationships.

Like I said above, most people immediately point the finger to men and the baggage they bring.

“Oh, he slept with 20 women in the past…”

Well, I hate to say this but women are just as guilty as men when it comes to their pasts. In fact, sometimes a woman’s past can be such a hard thing for a man to overcome that he will talk himself out of the relationship.

Let me give you an example.

Real Life Example

As many of more avid readers know I actually run two fairly large relationship websites, this one, Ex Boyfriend Recovery and another one called Ex Girlfriend Recovery. Well, my other site, Ex Girlfriend Recovery, deals specifically with helping men get their ex girlfriends back.

(Funny Story- A few weeks ago a woman from Ex Boyfriend Recovery told me that her boyfriend went to Ex Girlfriend Recovery trying to find advice on how to get her back. Meanwhile, she was on Ex Boyfriend Recovery trying to find out a way to get her boyfriend back. They were both using the no contact rule on each other when both of them wanted each other back. Of course, after the NC rule was completed they did get each other back but I digress…)

There is one fellow that specifically sticks out in my mind when I think back to my other site Ex Girlfriend Recovery.

You see, this guy got so freaked out about his girlfriends past that he ended the relationship to protect himself.

What was her past?

Well, lets just say that she was more experienced than him in certain aspects of love. More specifically, she had cheated a few times in the past.

Pretty soon this guy was convinced that his girlfriend would cheat on him no matter what he did since she cheated on her exes in the past. So, he broke up with her to “nip it in the bud” before the bud nipped him.

In other words, he was protecting himself…

This is a subject that I have wanted to tackle for a long time now. However, for whatever reason I have just never gotten around to it.

As many of you are aware, Ex Boyfriend Recovery gets quite a few comments every single day and through those comments I get to meet you, the reader. I get to hear about the latest relationship troubles you are going through and in some cases I get to hear your whole life story.

(For the record, I am not saying that to be facetious. I really do like hearing your life stories.)

When you have such a communicative fan base you begin to notice a few trends here and there.

When I first started this site every other comment I would receive seemed to be about long distance relationships or what to do if your ex got a new girlfriend. So, when I wrote respective articles covering those topics it only made sense that another trend was bound to pop up and sure enough, in my second year running this site that trend came in the form of the grass is greener syndrome.

Well, now I am in year three and I think I have just located the newest trend that you ladies want to hear about…

Age gaps…

More specifically, you want to know what age gaps mean when you have one with your ex.

The First Thought You Get About Age Gaps

When I say,

Age Gap

what is the very first thing you think of?

Well, I can only speak for myself but when I think of an age gap between a couple I think of something like this,

In other words, I think of a couple separated by a minimum of 20+ years.

Now, my loyal readers know me pretty well and they know that when I write one of these massive guides I don’t like being shortsighted with what I am talking about. While I am sure it would be more than satisfactory for me to talk just about massive age gaps between couples the truth of the matter is that most of the women who want their ex boyfriends back don’t have a massive age gap.

In fact, its rare for most couples to have an age gap close to 20+ years.

So, I think it would be a lot more insightful (and fun) to talk about all kinds of age gaps between couples.

In other words, I would like to talk about what it means for a couple who has any type of age gap (or lack of age gap) and the affect that the age gap has on the male.

What Makes Me Qualified To Talk About Age Gaps?

Isn’t it enough that I am awesome and handsome?

Oh, and that I expect you to blindly follow everything I tell you.

Too much?

Relax, I am kidding.

Ex Boyfriend Recovery hit a record last week.

Yep, we just hit over 40,000 comments on this site which is just incredible to me. Oh, and for the record that isn’t including the 20,000 emails that I have gotten. In essence, what I am saying is that I have personally dealt with over 60,000 women (if you include the emails) with different boyfriends, husbands and lovers. Many of which have had all kinds of age gaps.

So, I don’t think it is a stretch to claim that I have personally dealt with more age gap related situations than many of my peers so that would make me one of the most qualified people online to hear from about this issue.

Of course, you aren’t here to listen to me parade my credentials out.

No, I suspect that you are more interested in how this age gap business affects your current situation with your ex.

Well, there tends to be two schools of thought when it comes to age gaps and relationships…

The Two Schools Of Thought On Age Gaps

In this section I am going to be discussing the two major thought processes that most people tend to have when it comes to an age gap between a couple.

What are the two schools of thought?

1. That the bigger the age gap the less likely it is that the relationship will last.
2. That age is just a number and doesn’t really matter.

At this point you are probably wondering what I believe.

After all, I have seen a lot in my time here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery so what the heck is the truth?

Well, I am going to tell you what I believe in a second but first I think it is really important that we grasp what these two schools of thought are trying to say since there is a lot of useful insight in each “school.”

Theory One- “The Bigger The Age Gap The Less Likely It Is That The Relationship Will Last”

People who believe this theory believe that the more time that separates a couple the more they are doomed to end.

For example, lets say that you and I are dating and you are 22 years old and I am 62 years old.

(It’s a bit extreme but stick with me here…)

Well, that means that there are 40 years separating us.

At 62 I probably have kids (as old as you,) ex wives (if I am dating you,) health problems and my looks have faded a bit (I am still one handsome devil!)

At 22 you probably have no kids, you haven’t been married before, you are very healthy and your looks are at their peak.

Realistically, if we were dating and had this big of an age gap then what is it that we are getting out of the relationship?

At 22 you are probably looking for a good time but you probably also want something that can potentially go somewhere.

I am also assuming that you want kids in the future and at 62 it isn’t likely that I will want them anymore.

So, what is it that we are getting out of the relationship?

Companionship?

Hmm… probably not because at 62 I am a bit standoffish.

Money?

You are young and poor… I am old and rich… Do you see where I am going with this?

Sex?

You are looking for a good time… I am looking for a good time… This does some more likely.

When you look at it like that it doesn’t seem like these are ingredients for a successful relationship, does it?

I mean, on paper it looks like we are at completely different points of our lives.

It almost seems like we are destined to fail.

This is what is at the core of this theory.

The fact that the bigger the age gap the more likely it is that the relationship won’t last.

Of course, there are always two sides to every coin so lets take a look at the other side of this coin.

Theory Two- “Age Is Just A Number And Doesn’t Really Matter”

People who are in this camp tend to be the ones who put all their faith in love.

They believe that no matter the age gap true love will conquer all.

In other words, a 40 year old can fall in love with a 20 year old and end up happily ever after.

Now, logically when you look at a statement like that and you probably shake your head and think to yourself,

“That would never work…”

But you would be wrong.

There are plenty of examples of couples with large age gaps that not only ended up together but stayed together.

In the end it all boils down to the people in the relationship themselves.

It’s easy to throw a relationship away but if both people are willing to try to make things work then splitting up shouldn’t be a problem at all.

Like I said, people who believe theory two are the romantics.

What I Believe Based On What I Have Seen

I believe in a hybrid of these two theories.

The truth is that I have seen breakups from all across the board.

Same age couples splitting…

Medium age gap couples splitting…

Large age gap splits…

The truth is that the breakup devil is capable of visiting everyone no matter what the age gap. So, that tells me that what it all really boils down to is the individuals themselves in relationships that make them work.

In other words, theory two seems to be more on point than theory one.

HOWEVER…

I can’t deny the fact that couples with LARGE age gaps tend to have a higher percentage of splitting up when compared to same age couples or even medium age gaps. Oh, and when couples with a large age gap between them do end up staying together they are rarely happy since they are at completely different points in their lives.

So, that tells me that there is some truth to the people who spout theory one.

Ah, but this begs an interesting question.

What do I consider to be a LARGE age gap?

20+ years…

In other words, if you are twenty and your ex boyfriend is forty then that means that the two of you are separated by a large age gap and are more likely to break up or be unhappy.

To recap my thoughts on these theories,

• Same age couples seem to be reliant on the individuals.
• Medium age gap couples also seem to be reliant on the individuals.
• Large age gap couples seem destined to fail based on what I have seen.

Lets now turn our attention to the three major types of age gaps in relationships.

What Are The Four Major Types Of Age Gaps In Relationships?

Are there only three types of age gaps when it comes to relationships?

Truthfully…

No, there are a lot more than four.

However, something tells me you would get a bit annoyed if I went down the list like this,

1 year age gap…

2 year age gap…

3 year age gap…

4 year age gap…

And so on and so forth.

So, in an effort to make things a bit easier for you to process I have decided to structure the age gaps into four different categories,

• Close Age Gap (1-5 years apart)
• Medium Age Gap (6-10 years apart)
• Big Age Gap (11-15 years apart)
• Large Age Gap (15+ years apart)

Lets take a look at each one of these categories.

Close Age Gap (1-5 Years Apart)

(She is one year older than him.)

I have to say that most of the relationships I have encountered throughout my time here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery fall into this category.

That means that this is probably the most common age gap between couples.

Oh, and if you didn’t notice, the close age gap is defined as a couple who is either one to five years apart.

In other words, if you are 23 and your boyfriend is 25 then your age gap would fall into this category.

A Word About Being Five Years Apart If You Are Young

Many of the younger readers of this article probably saw the five year age gap and started freaking out.

After all, there is a major difference between someone who is 15 years old and 20 years old.

In my mind it all boils down to maturity.

Someone who tends to be on the younger side in the “close age gap” probably isn’t going to be as mature as someone who is on the older side of the age gap.

(Not to mention that a 20 year old probably shouldn’t be dating a 15 year old but I am going to try not to judge.)

Where do I get this logic from?

How about my own personal experience.

I went to High School eleven years ago.

….

Oh my god…

I am old…

Anyways, when I was in High School I was a bit of a late bloomer when it came to dating.

In fact, I didn’t go on my first date until I was a senior…

(Hey, I didn’t judge you so you don’t judge me.)

Unfortunately, I ended up going on a date with a girl that was younger than me by three years.

I think I was 18 and she was 15.

Now, I didn’t really think anything of the age difference at the time but after the date I certainly did.

I think really what made me realize there was a major maturity difference was when she had some candy and just like a little kid started running around her house like this…

I literally remember thinking,

“Was there some type of drugs in that candy?”

At the beginning of the date I was looking forward to having a good time with this girl and potentially having a relationship with her until the minute I saw her acting like a child because of candy. It was such an immature thing to do.

My point is simple, when you are younger then these age differences matter more. It is for this reason that different rules apply to my younger readers.

What are these rules?

Well, if you are in high school then you need to be around one year apart to be on the same maturity level I have found. Usually that wouldn’t be the case if you were older but it is.

I mean, imagine a 14 year old dating a 17 year old…

or worse…

A 14 year old dating an 18 year old…

Look, this isn’t like Buffy The Vampire Slayer (Hardcore EBR Readers know about my fascination with that show) where you can date someone who is 200 years older than you and be on the same maturity level.

No, this is real life where age differences in high school do actually affect the maturity of a person.

Of course, if you aren’t in high school then different rules probably apply to you.

A Word About Being Five Years Apart If You Are Older

Imagine this…

Imagine that you are 25 and the person you are dating is 30.

Well, I would consider this to be a pretty close age gap.

Notice how a five year age difference mattered a lot when you were younger but as you grow older it isn’t that big of a deal.

At 25 you are probably looking for something more serious (marriage) and at 30 your boyfriend is probably at the same point of his life.

As long as you are both at the same point of your life then things are looking good and there shouldn’t be any problems as a result of the close age gap.

Oh, that’s an interesting topic..

Can the close age gap be a contributing factor to the breakup with your ex?

The Close Age Gap And Your Ex

It goes without saying that since most of the relationships I see have a pretty close age gap that I deal with a lot of breakups in this area.

So, in all of my infinite wisdom and experience have I found any way that this age gap affects you and your ex.

You know, when I take a step back and look at this from a birds eye view usually I can point to a relationship and tell you whether or not age/maturity played any type of role in a breakup.

I have to say that usually when it comes to the “close age gap” it is rare that a breakup can occur because of an age problem.

Now, the one modification I would like to make with that statement is when it comes to our younger viewers.

Remember the funny story I told above about my first high school date?

Well, the reason that, that was such a bizarre experience for me was the fact that I felt way more mature than that girl. Sure, only three years separated us but after seeing her run around all crazy like it became clear to me that we were on different planets when it came to maturity.

Oh, and just to clarify this girl running around wasn’t meant to be like the cute/sexy playful running around that my wife does when I am playfully chasing her.

This girls running around literally felt like a little kid who had too much chocolate and is annoying you by running around because they got too excited.

So, if you are younger and in high school and you and your ex broke up then age/maturity could have played a role in my opinion.

The Medium Age Gap (6-10 Years Apart)

(They are seven years apart)

This is without a doubt my favorite age gap to talk about because couples who have this age gap are often at an amazing time in their lives.

As a general rule, couples who have a medium age gap are older and more mature and that’s where fun things like marriage come into play with relationships.

I mean, rarely will you see a young couple separated by six, seven, eight, nine or ten years.

Can you imagine a 15 year old girl dating a 25 year old man?

(I am going to judge on this one.)

If I had a daughter who was 15 and she brought home a 25 year old guy I would definitely be all over this guys case.

“Are you trying to take advantage of my daughter?”

“Why is it that you feel the need to go after high school girls when you can’t get someone your own age?”

“Why is it that you find a high school girl more attractive than a full grown woman?”

Hey, I am a Taurus so I am allowed to be protective.

Generally speaking couples with this age difference fall in their mid-twenties to mid-thirties and it is at this age when both men and women are looking for a life partner which makes things really interesting when you are looking at age gaps and ex boyfriends.

The Medium Age Gap And Your Ex

The medium age gape is defined as couples who are 6 to 10 years apart.

Generally speaking couples this far apart still have a lot in common and as we established above usually tend to be a bit older and mature. It is for this reason that couples in the medium age gap range are looking for more serious commitments like marriage.

Now, most men are going to look at settling down with someone but there are always going to be those special cases of men that get freaked out by a deep commitment like marriage.

I am going to give you two examples to illustrate my point.

• Example One- A man (25) is dating a woman (32)
• Example Two- A woman (25) is dating a man (32)

Example One

Lets say that you are 32 years old and your boyfriend is 25.

You have never been married before and at 32 you are receiving a lot of pressure to settle down from friends and family. Your boyfriend, on the other hand, is still in party mode a little bit. While deep down he does recognize that with your age you will be looking for a deep commitment he is just coasting through life enjoying what little moments he can.

In other words, he really isn’t looking to settle down for a few years.

This kind of puts you at odds with each other.

You are looking for a deeper commitment…

He is looking to just have fun and enjoy life…

You can see where this is leading, right?

Example Two

Example two is very different than example one for a lot of reasons.

For this example we are going to assume that your boyfriend is 32 and hasn’t ever been married before.

Now, at 25 you probably aren’t looking to settle down for a few more years and that is just fine since at 25 you are more than entitled to have a good time here or there.

Of course, I can’t help but notice that your boyfriend at 32 hasn’t ever settled down before. You would think that at 32 a man would be looking for something. Unfortunately, your boyfriend hasn’t. In fact, when you really think about it he is still in party mode.

While his age may be 32 he is still a 23 year old kid at heart.

Now, this is completely fine if you are 25 (looking to just have some fun) and he is 32 (looking to just have some fun.) Of course, what is the one constant in this life?

Change!

You aren’t always going to just want to have fun…

No, eventually in a few years you are going to start wanting something more.

Something like marriage.

Now, here is the problem with that. If at 32 your boyfriend hasn’t advanced to a level where he is looking to settle down then he probably isn’t going to want to for a very long time.

A good example off the top of my head is George Clooney.

At 33 George Clooney wasn’t married (he had been married previously but that doesn’t help my point.)

Clooney wouldn’t get married again until he was 53 years old.

That is 20 years without a serious commitment.

Now, if we turn our attention back to the example in which you are 25 then that means you would be 45 by the time you would be married to your boyfriend assuming he has the same type of mindset as a Clooney.

Something tells me you aren’t too thrilled with the idea of waiting until you are 45 to get married

The Big Age Gap (11-15 Years Apart)

(They are 13 years apart)

I would consider a big age gap between a couple to be somewhere between 11 to 15 years apart.

That means that,

If you are 30 then your boyfriend would be 45.

or

If you are 25 then your boyfriend would be 40.

or

If you are 20 then your boyfriend is 35.

I think you get it.

Couples with these big age gaps tend to be of a rarer breed. However, I will say that I have seen a lot of situations like this and I don’t have great news…

If you have a big age gap then the odds are starting to stack against you. Now, I won’t say that the odds are completely against you because a couple who is a bit older 30+ years can find ways to make their relationships work but when you are dealing with young women or young men who are going after 40 year old’s I do see some problems.

Call me old school but I believe a successful relationship is defined as one that goes somewhere (likely marriage.)

I just have a hard time believing that a 25 year old can make a 40 year old commit to them.

There is just too big of an age gap.

Lets take a more in-depth look at this particular age gap.

Insight On A 25 Year Old Man and A 40 Year Old Woman

Lets say that you are 40 years old and your boyfriend is 25 years old.

Your boyfriend is deeply in love with you and wants to settle down with you.

Now, at 40 you have been through your fair share in life. You may have a few kids, a few exes and have been hardened from these experiences.

Your boyfriend, at 25, hasn’t really had these types of experiences yet.

Now, he is in love with you and what do men who are deeply in love tend to do?

They propose…

This might be a problem since your boyfriend is still very young and probably wants a family. Now, this wouldn’t be a problem if you were 30. However, the fact that you are 45 means that having children is going to be quite difficult. In fact, the odds are really against you there.

So, you are faced with a very tough situation as a result of the age gap.

You love your boyfriend and he loves you but realistically you won’t be able to bear his children and start a family with him.

These are the type of situations you can potentially face with a big age gap like this.

Of course, that is just one situation within the relationship.

Lets go outside the relationship and look at more external issues you will face.

What Society Thinks Of Your Big Age Gap

I am going to make this simple for you…

Society doesn’t like big age gaps.

Let me give you an example.

If you go to Google and type in the phrase,

“Hollywood Gold Diggers”

You are going to be greeted with 10 results all about young women who marry older men. The thought here is that these young women have married the older men just to get their money. This is essentially what society thinks about women who date older man.

Oh, and I haven’t even gotten to the best part yet..

Society isn’t the only entity that dislikes big age gaps.

Your family won’t either…

I can’t tell you how many times I have received an email from women that goes like this,

“Chris… I want my ex back… BLAH BLAH BLAH (here comes the interesting part) but my parents can’t get over the age difference. They keep telling me that he is not serious and that he is just using me. What should I do?”

I recently wrote an article about friends and family who disagree with you trying to get back with your ex where I talk about this effect in much greater detail.

Of course, the gist kind of goes like this…

Don’t expect to have a lot of your friends or family on your side when you are trying to get your ex back ESPECIALLY if you are trying to get one back where there is a big age gap between you.

Now, the obvious question to ask at this point is,

Why?

Why is it that society, friends and family disagree with big age gaps so much?

Because it’s taboo or not normal.

Think of it like this, when people look at a normal couple they usually envision two people who are one to five years apart and generally most couples do fall between this age gap. So, that is what society is used to.

Of course, when society, friends or family are confronted with an age gap that exceeds the norm there is a negative connotation that surrounds it.

All you have to do is look at the gold digger example I gave above to see that.

Large Age Gap (15+ Years Apart)

(These two are 25 years apart.)

Here we are…

The final age gap.

This age gap is probably the rarest ones to see but I have seen it before. In fact, I actually remember the last time I saw it.

A woman had contacted me about wanting her ex boyfriend back.

He was 65 and she was 28.

In other words, there was a 37 year age difference between them.

How this guy got this girl is beyond me but what mattered was the fact that the girl seemed to be genuinely upset about the breakup and was willing to do anything to get him back.

I know this is going to sound horrible but as I was reading her story I couldn’t help but wonder a few things,

• How did this 65 year old man manage to win the heart of a 28 year old?
• What the heck did the 28 year old girl get out of the relationship?

I didn’t have the guts to ask the girl any of these things so I just focused on trying to help her get him back.

“Ok, use the no contact rule on him.”

She told me that she was going to but she doubted that he would reach out to her.

“Why?”

She told me that he was a bit older so he wasn’t very versatile with technology. He didn’t text or have any type of social media preference.

“Dang… How the heck do you influence someone when you don’t have the technology to even make it work?”

It was at this point that I came to a realization.

This man and this woman are at completely different points of their lives and therein lies the problem,

My Major Issue With The Large Age Gap

I am all about helping women not only get back with their exes but keep their exes when they get them back.

If you visit the sales page for my E-Book, you will notice that I cite multiple examples where I have not only helped women get back with their ex boyfriends but they have actually taken the next step and got married.

And therein lies the problem….

With the large age gap that outcome is not as likely.

I am not saying it is impossible because it is definitely not impossible but it is very unlikely.

Lets take our example above of the 28 year old girl who wants her ex boyfriend back who happens to be 65.

Well, I have a hard time believing that at 65 this guy is going to want to get married. Now, I could be completely wrong and he may not want to be alone for the last half of his life but based on what I have seen it probably isn’t happening.

So, my major problem with the large age gap really revolves around the fact that a long lasting commitment like marriage is probably not going to happen.

Imagine you met the man of your dreams.

He’s handsome…

Charming…

Smart…

Basically everything you wished for as a little girl.

The two of you have this amazing relationship where it almost seems like you were destined to be together.

You are completing each others sentences…

You can’t keep your hands off each other…

And you have all those great inside jokes that no one understands except you…

You are basically this couple,

But then something happens…

All of a sudden the man or your dreams starts to become distant. It doesn’t happen overnight. Rather its a long drawn out process. You used to not be able to go a moment without talking to each other but now you go days.

You start to get that bad feeling in the pit of your stomach and sense that a breakup is on the horizon.

Sure enough, it happens.

You hear the five words that no woman ever wants to hear.

“I don’t love you anymore?”

Upon hearing this you are devastated.

All kinds of questions run through your head.

“How is this even possible?”

“How is it that he can’t love me anymore when I still love him so much?”

“What did I do wrong?”

Well, with this article I am going to be answering these very delicate questions.

First though, I think we should have a little discussion on if it is even possible for a man to fall out of love.

Can A Man Even Fall Out Of Love With You?

Would you like to hear something funny about me?

I absolutely love Disney movies!

This is a fact my wife constantly teases me about.

How much do I love Disney movies?

Well, one day my wife was looking up the highest grossing movies Disney movies of all time on Wikipedia and she decided to test me.

The Test- How many of the 50 movies listed there have I seen.

How many of the movies on the list do you think I have seen?

30?

35?

45?

Nope, I had seen every single one of them…

“My name is Chris and I have a problem.”

Hey, everyone has quirks so don’t judge.

Anyways, the thing I have always found interesting about Disney movies was the fact that they promote the idea of true love.

What is true love?

(P.S. I am also a fan of the Princess Bride)

True love is this idea that love is everlasting and won’t ever end. In other words, if you have true love with someone then you will be with that one person for your entire life and you won’t ever falter or look elsewhere.

It’s an incredible idea but is it real?

Does True Love Exist?

True love is one of the rarest things on this earth.

So yes, technically it does exist.

However, it is very rare and most people never experience it.

Why?

Because it IS possible for people to fall out of love and unfortunately a lot of people do.

I deal with exes every single day…

Technically if these couples were experiencing true love the thought of breaking up with each other wouldn’t even be crossing their minds. Heck, people who are experiencing true love wouldn’t even know this site exists.

The Disney Problem

You know how much I love Disney, right?

Well, as much as I love Disney I do have one issue with their movies.

Their movies have convinced everyone that true love is common when it is not. Look, if you have true love in your life consider yourself lucky because most people can live a lifetime without knowing it.

From a young age we watch Disney movies and from a young age we are taught that there is someone out there that loves just us and won’t ever cheat on us or leave us.

So, this shapes our perception of love and it makes it even more devastating when things don’t work according to plan.

Ok, enough of this depression.

Lets turn our attention to the real reason you are here, to get answers.

Falling Out Of Love…

A while back I sent out an email to my newsletter subscribers and asked them what they would like me to write about?

The very first response I got back was this question,

“Chris, is it possible for a man to fall out of love with you? If so, why?”

Well, technically that is two questions but I think you get the gist of it.

Above I answered the first question,

“Is it possible for a man to fall out of love with you?”

(Yes, anyone can fall out of love and we blame Disney for that .)

Well, below I am going to be answering the next question,

• Why do men fall out of love with you?

Lets dive right in!

Why Do Men Fall Out Of Love With You?

There are literally hundreds, maybe even thousands of reasons for why a man could fall out of love with you.

Now, I know this is going to be a touchy subject for a few of you since the last thing you probably want to do is take a look at such a negative aspect of relationships. However, if you really want insight into the mind of a man you have to wade through the muck sometimes.

Above I mentioned that there could be thousands of reasons for why a man might fall out of love with you.

Well, I don’t know about you but I can’t sit here and write about thousands of reasons.

(Even I don’t have the time and patience for that and I write A LOT.)

So, what I am going to do for you is give you the most common “fall out of love” reasons that I have seen through this site.

Of course, that isn’t the only thing I am going to do for you.

You see, I believe in giving as much valuable information as I possibly can to you and for this article I have decided that in addition to explaining why men can fall out of love with you I am also going to give you my strategies for safeguarding your relationship to prevent that particular reason from happening to you.

Let’s begin!

Reason #1- The Honeymoon Period Ends

A common complaint you hear from men who have fallen out of love is,

“Things just aren’t the same between us anymore..”

or

“My feelings have changed…”

It’s actually really ironic because the only reason they say things like this is because they get so used to how the relationship feels during the honeymoon period that they grade everything on the relationship based on that feeling.

Take a look at the graph below.

Imagine that, that arrow represents the height of your relationship, the honeymoon period.

It’s a period where you see your significant other as perfect. It’s almost like they can do no wrong or they are some sort of transcendent being.

Well, some men get so used to the honeymoon period that they start grading the entire relationship by that standard.

So, when the honeymoon period wears off and comes back down to earth…

Your boyfriend starts to think there is something wrong in the relationship.

He isn’t developed enough emotionally to understand that the honeymoon period at the beginning of a relationship isn’t supposed to last forever. It’s supposed to come back down to earth after a while.

Unfortunately, somewhere along the way your boyfriend got it in his head that the way that he feels during the honeymoon period is how he is supposed to feel throughout the entire relationship. So, when the honeymoon period does wear off he starts to think he is falling out of love with you when really what is happening is he is just returning to normal.

So, now that you understand this concept how do we safeguard a relationship from it?

How To Safeguard Your Relationship

In my mind safeguarding your relationship from reason number one all has to do with your selection of man.

A man who thinks he is falling out of love because the honeymoon period ends probably hasn’t experienced a lot of relationships before. This kind of means that in order to safeguard reason number one from happening to you your boyfriends past relationship experience is in demand.

In other words, it can be a bit risky for you to fall for someone who hasn’t had a lot of relationship experience in the past because they might make the honeymoon period mistake.

Reason #2- You Cheated On Him

I am going to tell you a little bit about myself.

When it comes to relationships I am more loyal than a dog.

I mean, some men aren’t made for monogamy but I definitely was.

If there is a god out there I often imagine that when he created me he thought to himself,

“Let’s make this guy the most loyal man on earth.”

So, when you understand that about me you probably also understand that when it comes to people who aren’t loyal I am not really a fan of their actions. Yes, that sometimes puts me at odds with you guys (sorry.) Seriously, sometimes I will read a situation from the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Nation and think to myself,

“WHYYY… Why would you cheat?”

So, lets do a little role play here.

Lets say that you and I are dating and you make the biggest mistake of your life and cheat on me (and trust me it would be a mistake because I am AWESOME.)

I would without a doubt fall out of love with you because to me cheating is the biggest betrayal you can make in a relationship.

Now, that is just me.

Is it possible that other men can feel differently?

Umm… no, not really.

Even though other men might not be as loyal as I am I guarantee you that they will feel just as betrayed.

But why?

What is it about cheating that makes a man fall out of love?

Why Cheating Makes A Man Fall Out Of Love

I am going to open up a bit and speak from the heart here.

Lets say that you and I were dating and you cheated on me.

(Oh, and I didn’t find out from you, I found out from the guy you cheated on me with. )

Well, in this case I would experience a number of emotions.

I would experience,

• Anger
• Depression
• Self Doubt
• Paranoia
• A Need For Revenge

Lets also make another assumption. Lets say that despite all of this I stuck with you. I decided to try to forgive and forget and move on with our relationship.

Well, I know for a fact that every time you’d go out with your friends, family or you’d be at work I would wonder in the back of my head,

“I wonder if she is f**king some guy right now?”

I would seriously wonder that.

I know it’s an irrational thought to have all the time in every situation but you betrayed me, remember?

Oh, and then I would picture you with some other guy and it would make me furious. Just the thought of him having you or you giving yourself to him in ways that you wouldn’t give to me would make me livid.

Now, I am going to ask you a very simple question.

If you had done this to me do you think I would love you more or less after it happened?

LESS!

How To Safeguard Your Relationship

This one is simple…

DON’T CHEAT.

Or at the very least if you think you are going to cheat and realize there is no hope for your relationship then just break up with your boyfriend so you don’t make more of a mess of your relationship by potentially crushing him for years to come.

 Reason #3- You No Longer Admire Him

Men love to feel admired.

I can attest to this.

I want my wife to think I am the greatest man who ever walked the earth. Now, I can guarantee you that I am not the greatest man who ever walked the earth but if my wife thinks I am then all is right in my little world.

(Kind of pathetic, huh?)

The point is simple, I love feeling admired by her and your boyfriend is probably no different.

When you first started dating he probably felt like he was the most important person on this earth to you but something along the way changed.

Maybe you got bogged down and depressed by troubles at work…

Maybe you were having health problems and this caused you to close up emotionally…

Heck, maybe you just flat out started ignoring him and his needs…

Whatever the case you have to remember that your boyfriend has an ego to feed and it is constantly hungry. Now, most women understand this and do a great job of feeding that ego but every once in a while a woman can get preoccupied with other things and completely forget to feed it.

This is a very bad thing because it means a man is going to start to feel a lack of admiration.

A Lack Of Admiration Leads To A Lack Of Love

Lets do another fun little role-play.

Lets say that you and I are dating and when we first start dating you are doing an amazing job of making me feel admired.

You are constantly telling me how great I am…

How handsome I am…

How I have the body of a Greek God…

How out of all the men in the world I am the greatest lover you have ever had…

How I am the best thing that has ever walked this earth…

Did I let that go on for a little too long?

Oops..

Anyways, at the beginning of our relationship I am feeling pretty darn admired.

Lets fast forward three years and change the dynamic of the relationship entirely.

While the beginning of our relationship was marked with you constantly “admiring me” the end of it is marked with you not making me feel admired at all. Instead, all you do now is criticize me (which is perfectly fine every once in a while if I do something wrong.) However, the amount you criticize me is a little too much.

All of those great compliments you were giving me at the beginning of the relationship have disappeared and now I am commonly thinking thoughts like,

“I wonder if she still looks at me in that way…”

or

“I wish I was with someone who appreciated me…”

So, three years later now that the dynamic of our relationship has changed do you think I am more in love or less in love with you?

The answer is quite simple, I am not in love with you anymore because instead of feeling admired I am feeling like I am beneath you. I constantly have to scramble for your approval and I can’t get a compliment from you without first having to ask for it.

How To Safeguard Your Relationship

I know what I just told you is a bit of a shallow outlook on men but I took it to the extreme to make a point clear.

Most men don’t need admiration on a daily basis and oftentimes women who can make men constantly crave their admiration win out in the end. So, there is an advantage to not constantly giving a man the admiration he craves. However, don’t let this fool you into thinking that you can’t ever let your feelings out and admire the man you are dating.

What you really need to do is find a balance between admiring and not admiring (with the intent of making him crave your admiration.)

So, what I would say the best practice is, is to constantly jump between admiring and not admiring.

For example, lets say that one day you decide that you really want to admire your boyfriend and let him know what you really think of him (the good things.) So, you spend the entire day just showering him with compliments and being all lovey dovey…

On this day you are setting the standard and he is going to subconsciously think that you are going to admire him like this every single day.

Well, the next day I want you to spend the entire day NOT complimenting him.

Don’t be mean about it or anything like that.

Just make it a normal day where the two of you interact and have fun but don’t feed his ego with a ton of compliments.

Now, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way so allow me to dive in a bit deeper.You can still say stuff like, “I love you” or “I miss you” but you cannot say stuff like,

“You are the best thing that ever happened to me…”

or

“You have the most incredible body on a guy that I have ever seen…”

or

“You are the most handsome man I have ever seen…”

Do you get it?

One day you shower him with those type of compliments and the next day you don’t show him with them. After a few days you shower him with the compliments again. The idea here is to always keep him guessing and craving these compliments from you.

This way he is constantly seeking your attention.

Reason #4- You Are Way Too Clingy

Lets now turn our attention to a situation where a woman showers her boyfriend with WAAYYY too much attention and expects the same amount of attention in return.

A girl who is clingy is kind of cute at first… until it’s not…

Does that make sense?

No?

Ok, allow me to explain.

Above we established that most men seek attention from women.

In other words, they want to feel admired by them.

Well, what type of girl is more admiring than a girl who loves you so much that she becomes clingy?

So, at first a girl who is clingy can kind of be attractive to a guy. After all, she is really making him feel admired. Of course, there is a point where it becomes too much.

For example, lets say that we are dating and you are starting to become clingy to me.

Well, at first I will probably think to myself,

“Wow, this is kind of cute. She must really care for me a lot.”

Of course, I am under the assumption that your clingy behavior is going to stop eventually. So, when it doesn’t that is when we have a problem. All of a sudden my “cute” thoughts about you turn into “hate” thoughts about you and slowly but surely I will start to fall out of love with you.

So, how are you supposed to prevent this from happening if you know that you are a bit clingy in relationships?

How To Safeguard Your Relationship

The main take away here is that men kind of like a little clingyness upfront BUT only upfront. There is a point where it can be too much. So, if you know you are susceptible to being clingy in relationships then you definitely want to make a mental note to tone it down.

“Yes Chris… I know that but HOW?”

I am going to give you a piece of advice.

If your whole world revolves around pleasing the person you are in a relationship with then you are most likely going to be clingy.

Instead, you should be looking to find another purpose with your life than just this one person you are dating. Look, I know that may be kind of hard to hear since if you are on this website then you must love your boyfriend A LOT. However, remember that you also have to have your own life.

So go get it!

P.S.

Women who end up “getting their own lives” often have an interesting effect on their boyfriends or ex boyfriends.

What is the effect?

Their boyfriends end up being the clingy ones!

Reason #5- You Are Insanely High Maintenance

In a perfect world high maintenance wouldn’t matter.

Whenever I think of high maintenance girls I always think back to that episode of Friends where everyone keeps telling Monica she is high maintenance…

(Sorry for the stupid ads…)

In a perfect world you would all have a Chandler telling you that he likes “maintaining you..”

Of course, we don’t live in a perfect world…

Instead, what usually happens when a guy finds out that his girlfriend is super high maintenance is he gets extremely annoyed.

Sometimes when I am scanning through my own personal Facebook profile I will see one of my friends post something like,

“Yes, I am high maintenance BUT I’m worth it…”

Umm…

No, no your not…

Let me explain something to you.

A girl who is super high maintenance isn’t attractive to men.

Now, before I go on I think it is important for me to define what I mean by “high maintenance.”

What I Consider To Be A High Maintenance Girl

Do yourself a favor, go to Google and type in,

“What is high maintenance.”

Once you do this you will be greeted by two definitions,

1. Needing a lot of work to keep in good condition.
2. A person (or relationship) demanding a lot of attention.

Most people mistake high maintenance for definition number one. Well, when I talk about high maintenance here on the site I am talking about definition number two.

Ok, imagine for a second that you are in a relationship with a guy and he is constantly demanding all of your attention.

Instead of both of you attending to each others wants and needs it is all about him.

He is completely selfish and seems like he doesn’t ever care about what YOU want in a relationship.

I am betting you would be kind of annoyed.

Why?

Because the relationship would be all about him.

THAT IS WHAT A HIGH MAINTENANCE GIRL IS LIKE.

Selfishly men want their needs taken care of too so this can create a problem in a relationship when their needs aren’t being taken care of.

It creates resentment and resentment and falling out of love go hand in hand..

How To Safeguard Your Relationship

If you are high maintenance and you know it then you have some work to do to safeguard your relationship.

I would say that your best defense in your case is to always make a point of making sure your boyfriend is taken care of.

Also, don’t be offended if he can’t do every little thing you want.

No man is superman…

Well, except me

So, I guess what I am saying is not every man is ME!

(I hope you realize I am just kidding.)

Reason #6- His Needs Weren’t Met (Emotionally or Physically)

(Disney makes yet another appearance….)

No man is going to stay in a relationship (long term) if he feels his needs aren’t being met.

Now, women get incredibly offended when a man tells them something like,

“You aren’t meeting (Need A) or (Need B.)”

For example, if we were dating and I said,

“I feel like you are never there for me when I need you to be…”

No doubt you would take that as me saying,

“You aren’t good enough for me…”

Well, that is really not what I am saying at all.

All I am doing by telling you that I feel like you aren’t there for me when I need you to be is to tell you what I need from you to be happy.

In other words, I am trying to help YOU out in the relationship.

Now, lets say that you really make an effort to “be there for me” and I am still not pleased. Well, in this case you have my permission to be angry at me for still being upset about it.

Why?

Because you are making an effort and that is all anyone can ask of anyone in a relationships.

A Word On Physical Needs

I feel like I am about to kick a hornets nest full of angry women here…

Eh… What the heck, I am going to risk it.

Sex and love go hand in hand…

More particularly, a lack of sex and a lack of love go hand in hand.

I know I am going to get those women out there swearing up and down that their boyfriend is better than that. In fact, I once had a woman tell me that there is more to love than sex…

She is right…

Love is an incredible emotion that has a lot more to it than just sex.

Here’s a fun little test.

I want you to go out and pick a guy to fall in love with. In the first three months of dating him I want you to have an incredible relationship with him. In other words, I want you to laugh, have fun, have deep intimate discussions AND be intimate with each other on a very frequent basis.

Ok, so now that you got him hooked lets test to see if sex really has a correlation to falling out of love.

I want you to tell him that for the next year you will not be sleeping together…

Not once…

You won’t even let him touch you.

How long do you think he would stay with you then?

Something tells me not long.

…..

(Drops Mic…)

I’m out!

Welcome to the first episode of The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast!

I hope you are as excited as I am .

For those of you who don’t know what a podcast is it is basically like I am creating my own radio show and you will be able to download it FOR FREE directly from sources like iTunes, SoundCloud and Stitcher!

Oh, and of course how could I forget the site…

Yes, you will be able to listen, download and subscribe to The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast through Ex Boyfriend Recovery itself.

(I have already posted the very first episode above. Just click the play icon to hear the first episode.)

Now, the first episode is just an introductory episode where I will be talking to you about what you can expect from this Podcast in the future.

Just for your reference I have created a few cliff-notes for you below,

What I Talk About In This Episode

• What Forced Me To Do The Podcast (Hint Hint… Your Comments, Emails and Messages.)
• My Vision For This Podcast
• My Credentials… (Basically Why You Should Listen To Me Over Anyone Else.)
• How This Podcast Will Be Structured (I Will Go Over That Below In More Detail.)
• Tomorrows Episode!

Important Links I Mentioned In This Episode

• Ex Boyfriend Recovery
• Success Stories
• Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO (My E-Book.)
• My Speakpipe Page (Where you can leave me a voice mail over the internet.)
• Email between me and the girl who cheated on her ex boyfriend and eventually got him to propose (see below.)

How The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast Will Work

Below I have created a graphic that is going to outline exactly how this podcast will work.

I hope you are as excited as I am about this.

Does this make sense to you?

Ok, so basically there are 8 steps on how this podcast will work.

(I will go over the steps below for you.)

Step One- Identify Your Question

Getting an ex back is a very complex process and you have are bound to have a lot of questions. Figure out which question about your ex (or just relationships in general) you would like to ask me. Once you have a good question picked out you can move on to step two.

Step Two- Visit My SpeakPipe Page

You can find my SpeakPipe page here,

Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast SpeakPipe Page

Step Three- Record Your Question To Me

SpeakPipe is basically an online voicemail where I can listen to your questions and feature them on the podcast.

Make sure you record your message to me.

Step Four- I Will Listen To Your Question

I am always checking my SpeakPipe page for new questions to feature so eventually I will listen to your question which leads us to step five!

Step Five- If Your Question Is Good Enough I Will Pick It

Pretty simple!

If I like your question or think the readers of Ex Boyfriend Recovery can get something out of it or learn from it I will pick it to feature on the Podcast.

Step Six- If I Pick Your Question I Will Then Record It

If I pick your question then I will feature it on The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast.

(Don’t worry though, you don’t have to give me your full name or anything like that. I respect your privacy.)

Of course, if I do pick your question to record you will be subject to our terms and conditions here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

Step Seven- I Will Answer Your Question

If I am featuring your question on the Podcast then that means I am going to answer your question in a super in-depth manner.

In other words, it is going to be like you hired me to get your ex back or help your relationship (for free.)

Step Eight- I Will Create A Game Plan For Your Specific Situation

One thing I have learned here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery is the fact that no two situations are ever alike.

It is for this reason that I will create a game plan for you to follow for your specific situation and make it live for everyone to see so others who are in a similar situation as you can also get something out of it.